Dark Paradise - Joel Miller x OC

Talking about boys

The song used in this chapter is from 2016, please ignore the anachronism. The ending of this chapter feels a bit weird but I lacked of idea, so sorry about that too.

Photo by Nigel Tadyanehondo on Unsplash

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AronChupa - Little Swing

The man is surprised as he walks through the diner door. The usual folk music has been replaced by a kind of dance-electro. Behind the bar, Chloe bursts out laughing. As he walks forward, he watches her dance and chat happily with Dereck, a young man around her age who works with her today. They seem close. Very close. When Joel leans on the counter, she greets him with a big smile.

"Hey roomie!

- Does Seth know the kind of music you're playing when he's not here?

- Nope

- Aren't you afraid he'll kick you out?

- We're taking the control of the city, Old Man, one song at a time."

She laughs and winks at her coworker, which Joel doesn't fail to notice. Then she turns her back to him, dancing to the beat as she brews a drink. He can't help but watch her body movements, probably too lustful for the time and place.

"So in your plan, you don't ask your clients what they want?

- Chill Old Man. I'm not asking you what you want, because you'll say coffee, a painful conversation will follow where I'll tell you that you can't have any. Honestly, I prefer to dance a bit before giving you your usual."

She serves him a cup with a wink, before walking away to the kitchen, still dancing as if this is the most normal thing to do. He now understands why there are so many people staying at the counter today. So many men. But what can he say? Doesn't he do the same every time she is behind the bar? He quickly drives this idea out of his mind. If he's here it's just to chat with her. It's totally innocent.

"Your kid is wild today." Says the man to his left, pointing to where she had disappeared.

"She's nor a kid, nor mine." He answers harshly, his eyes cold as stone.

"You should change your tone then, because right now you sound like of a father ready to meet his daughter's boyfriend.

- She's not my daughter, but it doesn't mean you should go after her."

He puts down his mug half full before leaving the premises. He was about to make a remark to the other man about his age, before remembering that himself could no longer be classified as a man worthy of her. Sometimes he forgets. Then he sees his white hair in the mirror, feels his body slowing down, and the harsh reality hits him. He's no longer 30 years old. He's on the downward slope, and if the young woman's cheerfulness can sometimes make him feel younger, often their age gap hits him even harder.

"Joel is gone?"

Chloe reappears from the kitchen, searching for the man with her eyes. But he is no longer there. She can't help but be disappointed. Yet she knows very well that in a few hours they will meet again and spend time together, that they will be able to discuss much better than here. But she still wanted to see him a little more. This pinch quickly escapes as she has to deal with her clients.

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"You seemed to have fun earlier with Derek.

-I did, he's really funny. I'm happy when we have the same shifts. We have a lot more fun than with Seth."

Silence falls in the kitchen as she reads the recipe she is performing. He leans against one of the counters, watching her work while drinking a beer, a gesture that had almost become a ritual of their evenings. After several sips close together, he dares to ask the question he has been brooding all day.

"Are you two... A thing?

-What, with Derek? No, we're just friends. He's like a brother.

-Ouch, I hope he feels the same, otherwise it's harsh for the poor guy. The friendzone, we used to call that.

-You speak knowingly? Who is the crazy woman who dared to friendzone the great Joel Miller?" She asks with an intonation that makes him laugh.

"Actually, I was the crazy man.

- Really?! Ok, now you have to tell me more about it.

- What can I say. It was just this neighbor who cared a lot about me and Sarah, she came to visit us unexpectedly every now and then. She brought us food, to "help me'' with Sarah. I think the single father side was an attractive card back then.

- Yeah, your face was an attractive card, I saw the picture." He laughs again before resuming his story.

"She was nice, and quite pretty I must admit. But it was too much for me to handle. I worked a lot to pay for the house, to provide for our needs. And when I wasn't working, I gave Sarah all my time. And then I didn't want my daughter to get attached to her to finally see her disappear from our lives because things would have gone wrong between us. I had already given for that.

- Why did you keep seeing her then?

- Because it was nice to have an adult other than Tommy or my workmates to talk to. Besides, I was flattered to have someone who cared so much about me. I guess... It reminded me that I was still a man and not only a father. Of course it was selfish of me, and I made her suffer...

- Well, it's not like... Oh no... You didn't sleep with her, did you?"

He doesn't respond with words, but the expression on his face leaves little interpretation.

"Wo, that's awful Joel.

- Have you ever listened to my stories? That's the one you're reacting to? You know I'm not a nice man, right?

- Yeah, but that's different.

- Wait... Are you saying that killing people is less bad than sleeping with a girl without wanting to give her more?

- Ok, put like that... But I don't know. The context isn't the same. I don't know, I'm not a freaking philosopher. All that to say, no, there is nothing between Derek and me, and no there is no friendzone."

Silence settles back as she stirs the sauce.

"Honestly, I'm not sure I'll have a relationship with anyone again. Not because I don't want to or because I'm traumatized forever. But I've met Jackson's men, and I don't think I can confide in any of them. Even though I have some good buddies that I like to chat with, I don't think I could tell them what I said to you or Tommy. I'm not sure they could understand it. Most have been here for a very long time, they don't realize what it is like to be out there. I'm not sure a man can handle to handle dating a woman with my past. And even though it's my past, and I'm starting to get over it and leave it behind, I think it's still important that the person who shares my life knows that. Does it make any sense?

- It does.

- And then it's hard to really know people. How can you be sure that someone is the right one? With Cyril, it was nice and warm, having someone caring for me after all this time on my own. But looking back, I realize it wasn't a healthy relationship. Today I'd rather be alone than with a man like him. The problem wasn't that he did bad things, I mean, haven't we all to survive this shit? But because how he treated me. He would hold me, mistreat me, and then come back to cover me with gifts and sweet words because he didn't want to lose me, or be alone, or I don't know what. And drugs. It's one thing to sell them. But using them is different. I think I could have ended up a junkie if it weren't for Talia vigilance. I guess that's why he didn't like when I was spending too much time with her. He felt like losing control over me. No, I don't want that anymore.

-We're not good with love, are we." Joel whispers almost to himself after a few minutes, but she hears him anyway and nods absently. They won't say anything until dinner.

Each lost with their ghosts from the past.