Twin Flame // Fred Weasley

24

a/n remember when i said i wouldn't be uploading as frequently - well... here's a double update lol. it's only short but sometimes you just have a spark of inspiration and you have to act on it. plus, i did not like the last chapter so hopefully this one makes up for it <3 enjoy 

iris' pov

having made the decision to not continue with my pregnancy, i was unsure of what emotions to expect. nurse hazelgrove discharged me, assuring me the termination had been successful, so fred and i apparated back to the flat. upon our return i insisted to fred some time alone to think and reflect is what i really needed. he was initially hesitant but of course, being the kind-hearted soul he was, he allowed me to do whatever i thought was best for me. a pang of guilt hit me as i realised i hadn't asked what he wanted, alas, to comfort him i needed to think, to organise my own headspace and allow myself the space to overcome the unknown emotions i would come to head with, before i could start trying to heal fred. i hoped he would use the hours alone to do the same thing. placing a small kiss on my head, he disappeared down to the shop, presumably to occupy his mind, or to speak with george about the afternoon. 

nature was my solace. and, i knew staying in the flat would do nothing to resolve my disjointed thoughts and turbulent emotions. thus, i retrieved my wand from my bag, apparating to a place where i knew i would be in complete, tranquil solitude. my feet landed upon a soft patch of grass. i had come to a meadow that i frequented as a child. the grass was littered with hundreds of wildflowers, entirely undisturbed by human contact. rows of wood anemone, cow parsley, daisies, bluebells and honeysuckles littered the vast land, as far as the eye could see, until the edge was met with a barrier of dense trees. the vibrancy of the scene was intensified by the blue sky, the sun unable to be interrupted by clouds as the sky was entirely clear. she shone down, illuminating the various striking colours of the wildflowers, maximising their potential to blossom, the trees and the grass thriving under her nurturing beams. all was calm, but simultaneously so alive. 

instantly, i felt much better. at peace amongst the comfort of nature. i lay upon the grass, staring up at the expansive, blue sky and allowed my thoughts to wonder; letting my emotions roam free, and take me wherever they wished to go. 

initially it was relief that i felt. relief in the fact there was no longer a decision to be made, relief in the reassurance that the decision i had made was the right one. 

then, frustration creeped its way in. frustration at the fact i had let this happen, that i had been so stupid to get myself pregnant at just eighteen. frustrated that something so huge had happened so prematurely in mine and fred's relationship. i hoped this wouldn't change things, he had been so wonderful, i just prayed that our dynamic would stay the same. 

thus, came worry. worry that i hadn't done the right thing. worry that i would regret it. worry that this would affect our relationship, that fred would begin to resent me. anxiety around the fact i had hardly given fred a say, barely asking what he might want, constricted my throat. i had been so wrapped up in my decision that i hadn't taken the time to consider his wishes. but, he had assured me he was happy to do what i wanted. he was right, it was my body after all. and i had made the right decision by both fred and i, as well as the baby. 

anxiety dissipated to guilt. a guilt that was undoubtedly instilled in me by society. we had always been told, as women, our main role in life was to be a mother, that maternity was our focal reason for existence. that we should love nothing, or no one, more than the babies that our bodies so excellently produce. guilt rushed over me as i thought about the life that could have been, a little girl, or boy that could've done anything, been anything. for the first time i had to interrupt my stream of consciousness. reminding myself i was being irrational and too hard on myself. it could not have been anything, for it was barely a life form. and had it become a life form, the environment for which we would bring it into would not be sufficient for it to grow to be whatever it wanted. it was hardly a girl, hardly a boy, a mere fusion of dna - though guilt was a valid feeling, it was not one i wanted to linger on, though i had been stupid, i couldn't fault myself. 

hours passed as i laid there, lingering on my thoughts, facing my emotions head on, in hopes of resolving any upset surrounding the termination, hoping to return to fred with a fresh mindset and move forwards. 

my reflection came to its conclusion when i finally felt a great feeling of thankfulness swell inside me. i was so thankful for fred, my fred, so grateful to have him in my life. there could not have been anyone better to have by my side. he was truly the most considerate and loving boy i could have ever met, and i appreciated him more than words could ever display. i was thankful for my friends, for george, for ginny, for lee, for bill and charlie and harry and hermione, i was thankful for my dad, thankful for mrs weasley. i was thankful for the sun, thankful for mother nature for always providing me comfort no matter where i was. i was surrounded by beautiful people and wonderful things, and for that i was beyond thankful. hardships were always a given in life, but i had the best network of support around me. i had gotten this far, my hardships had never stopped me before, they shaped me; and, i was certain this experience would do just the same. 

with the feeling of optimism and hope bubbling in my chest, i withdrew my wand. the sun had sunk low, the sky darkening on the horizon. 

"expecto patronum," 

a silver jet of light shot out of the end of my wand, contrasting the forming dark of the night sky, followed by a beautiful silver dog. i watched in awe, fascinated by the creature that pranced among the meadow. i felt comforted and secure as i observed my patronus, giddily sauntering around the grass, a symbol of optimism and conviction, of joy and of light. as it disappeared into the sun set, i was sure i was ready to return to fred. my thoughts now felt organised, my emotions dealt with. now, i could focus on moving forward, and helping fred to do so too. 

the bittersweet experience was moulding. leading me to the conclusion i could do just about anything with fred weasley by my side.