Can't tell anyone

I'm dying right?

Heyy! :) This is going to sound kinda odd and I don't want anyone to take this to heart bc it will probably make me all sad or whatever... 🙄😪💕

I have been taking parts of my actual "journal" to make Makki sad and stuff... oop. 😃I didn't think that was going to work but it kinda fit for some reason. 💀😝Don't worry about it though bc it's for Makki... and yes this is pretty much exactly what I put well I changed some of it to fit for Makki but most of it-😇🦋✨-nope no it's not.. nvm. 😃😒 Not me...

kinda scary if I do say do myself 😭✨ We don't need to worry about it though... 😌💕

I don't even think about it half the time, but I just realized that I had my book in my hands and I was reading it to put something in for Maks... like shit- 😃🤚 tf is wrong with me?

ahh shhh but...

Anyway✨💗✨...🤷🏽‍♀️

-Izzy-

How do you tell someone that you need help?

I really need it... like I think it's something that NEEDS to happen. I'm pretty sure I'm snapping into a million little pieces that are just the outside, thin shiny part of me that was taking care of my problems.

The part was too thin. So it was going to break anyway, but I didn't expect it yet. The part everyone gets to see most of the time. The part I let people look at with no problem because I'm the happy one that doesn't need anything. The one that helps everyone else so they can be okay.

I'm the happy kid... or thats what I'm trying to be.

But my shell as I said is cracking... shattering I think... falling into a large amount of tears, and worry that I broke enough to need help too. It's not normal to cry every fucking night is it? But it's fine... I am fine... we all just... need to calm down and not look at my problems. I can just glue the shell back for now and it won't bother me for a little longer, or anyone that has to deal with me. I'll be okay... I'm going to die anyway...

Thats what I keep telling myself.

Takahiro, Tue, 12/15/2020

I closed my book after reading that part again for the tenth time today. Then I put it back in my desk by me bed. My mom was going to be home soon and I had to deal with her again. If I don't pass out from the exhaustion first.

I felt sick and I can't do anything about it. My mom doesn't want to help me so I'll just deal with it by sitting here. She has been beating me up most of the week. I can't stand so I haven't gone to school the past five, maybe ten, days. I don't have my phone anymore so I can't talk to Tooru or Iwa... and especially Issei.

I'm still covered in brushes, dry blood, new blood, and in Issei's hoodie I stole from him on Tuesday night. I can't change because I can't move. Sadly his sent is leaving it... it makes me want to cry again. It's also getting harder to breath, and I think something happed to my lungs when she hit me with the bottle of vodka last night.

On Tuesday night.

That's when I last saw him and talked to him. The last thing I said to him was 'talk to you tomorrow, thank you Issei' he was going to kiss me, but the cameras... so I said tomorrow... we would t-talk t-tomorrow.

Some people are probably worried about me. I hate that. Just go do something else and be happy.

I'm not in a good state to be left alone now that I think on it. My mom is not going to take me to the hospital. That I'm Kinda okay with, but I know Tooru would have taken me by now.