Starry I think not (terrorcest)

Confessions and lacerations

A/N: I cried while writing this. I'm actually still crying. But hey, I mean it was a good cry

Tommy Lee

I snatch the note from the door. There's no way he's actually going to kill himself. I can't help the terrified scream though. My hands are shaking as I re-read.

The part that really hits me, is him saying he loved me. He felt this way the entire time? He really loved me back? God if I had known that he loved me back...but now it might be too late.

Jesus christ I'm always talking about Heather around the guys, and we're one of Hollywoods biggest couples...no wonder he felt like this. I made my best friend and who I hoped would be the love of my life do this to himself.

I refuse to believe that it's really too late, and I fling the door open. He's not in the living room, where I expected him to be with a needle in his arm. He's not in the kitchen. He isn't in the bathroom, any of the bedrooms or closets either.

"NIKKI!!!" I yell, checking everywhere I possibly can in his house. I can't find him anywhere. Only trails of blood and razorblades. That sight alone very nearly makes me lose my lunch.

"NIKKI!" I yell again.

What if he didn't do it here? What if he just told me that he did and he went somewhere else?. I feel like I'm going to vomit, my hands are sweaty, and it's gotta be at least 100 degrees in here.

I look around, feeling more panicked each second. Then I notice that the door to his backyard is open. I go to close it, but suddenly, a flash and a Ratt T-shirt catch my eye.

I fling the door all the way open, and let out another scream. The voice doesn't even sound like my own. My vision blurs for a minute, and I can feel the hot tears running down my face.

Nikki is hanging by his neck from the tree that we used to lay under and have drink offs. The sight makes my stomach churn, and I'm 1000% sure I'm about to throw up as I run towards the tree.

His face is flushed and blue and his hair hangs forward. His body is completely limp and he doesn't move as I desperately try to free him from the noose. Finally, I get my big clumsy ass fingers to work, and his body falls to the ground, folding under him.

"Oh Nik. Oh Nik baby. Please wake up..." I beg, pressing my ear to his chest to check for a heartbeat.

I can't tell. I don't know if he is alive, or if I'm cradling my secret loves corpse. I can see the bruises already starting to form on his neck. Dark bruises cutting into his pale skin. He still hasn't moved.

Desperately, I grab his hand, willing him to wake up. "My poor sweet baby, please, please don't go. I love you too. And I love you more than you know. Please baby please." I sob, tears running down my face and splashing onto his skin.

I look down at him, halfway in my lap as I press my face to his to check for breathing. My eyes land on something else however, his arms.  Both of them are littered with cuts, and lots of them look pretty damn new.

"Mmnnergghh." I hear a bout of coughing from under me.

I look down to see some color returning to his face as he violently coughs, wheezing and rasping. His eyes are half lidded, looking like they barely recognize me.

I'm still cradling him, and I don't bother to let go as he coughs. I never want to let him go again.

"T-Tommy?" He rasps, sounding like a squeaky toy. Jeez he must've done some serious damage.

"I love you too Nikki. I love you too. Jesus christ I love you so much." I mumble, reciprocating the feelings he expressed in the note.

"Y—you- you do?" He wheezes, and I can see tears in his eyes.

I nod, unable to keep my tears from flowing as well. "Nikki...I thought...I thought that you didn't love me." I sob, realizing how much I probably hurt him, making him feel like he had to hide this.

"Yhhshughh." He gurgles, eyes closing again.

"Nikki I'm gonna call an ambulance."

All he does is shake his head. Why doesn't he want me to call an ambulance?

"Nikki you fucking hung yourself."

"But you- but I- I swear I won't do it- do it ever again...please." He hiccups.

I kiss his cheek.

"Fine, but I'm staying the night to make sure you're okay."