(One Piece) Book of Oneshots and Such

You Need Therapy

(One Piece X Reader) You are a therapist for the superpowered, the only difference between you and others of your profession, is that you focus on the villains.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mr. Doflamingo, how do you think your day went?"

The man continued to chug out of his wine bottle, not bothering to be clean and tidy, he had no qualms with letting the contents spill past his lips and splatter over the floor and furniture, and you sighed, knowing that it was going to be another long session.

"Fucking awful! Some hero nuisance sabotaged one of my shipments! Again!"

As expected, the blonde threw the half empty bottle against the opposite wall, "I see.. recurring trouble such as this must not be easy to deal with, but I don't think it's enough to be the end of the world"

Doflamingo huffed dejectedly, now curling up on himself and shoving his face in the couch like an overgrown child, "and Crocky turned me down for another collaboration at work today! All I want is to show the world he belongs to me! He's mine!"

You thought back to the aforementioned Crocodile, another patient who often raved and roared over a certain pink puffball- little to the knowledge of Doflamingo.

"Perhaps you should try a different approach, why not try warming him to the idea before making such bold moves?"

Doflamingo actually contemplated what you said, slowly sitting up with a grin growing with every tick of the clock.

"Yes! That's the perfect plan to sweep my Crocky off his feet! Fufufu! You always have the best ideas doc!"

You smiled at the successful steer in his mood, "good! Now, let's talk about your childhood.."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Luffy, what was it we said to do when somebody approaches you with food?"

"Make them a friend!"

You deadpanned at the shout, taking a moment to shake your head sadly before grabbing the spray bottle, "no.."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's just.. I wish I was there, obviously, I should have been there, but I didn't know- and that's the worst part!"

You continued to write furiously as Sabo sat up from the couch.

"I didn't know but I did know! I knew about the execution, it was the gossip of the whole fucking base, people had bloody bets over it! A betting pool! I knew, and did nothing! Because I didn't know he was my brother! I didn't know I'd regret it for the rest of every waking moment of my life! I didn't know but I did! And I let him die! If I was just there.."

The blonde fell back into the couch with a thump, awkwardly setting some of his surroundings aflame through his breakdown, though it was no problem with your trusty custom fire extinguisher.

"I could've lost everything! I did lose half of everything! And I was just lazing on my ass! I didn't even show up! I let Luffy face that all alone! Thinking he lost everything! I'm such a fucking horrible failure of a brother!"

You felt your hands sting from all of the writing as he broke into ugly sobs, which just helped the flames spread all around the room and trigger the fire alarms.

This was going to be a bothersome day.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stared at Mihawk.

Mihawk stared back.

"Mr. Mihawk.. I believe I said not to slice people you find annoying?"

The raven turned away to take out the bottle of red wine in his bag.

Normally it was against the rules to have alcohol anywhere near your facility, but with this certain individual and one other that you didn't want to bother stressing over at the moment, you've since learned to give up.

Mihawk took his time in bringing out a pair of wine glasses, both large in size, before pouring a generous amount, "yes, I believe you did"

Subtly sliding the other glass in your direction, you saw the bribe for what it was and slid it back to him, "and what did you do today?"

The man grimaced at his failed temptation, and frowned to himself whilst taking a large gulp of the alcohol, knowing he was going to need it for the rest of this session.

"Sliced some people for annoying me"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What kind of fuckery is this?"

Katakuri stared at the thing in your hands like it carried the plague, and perhaps he thought if he tried hard enough, he could reduce it to ash with the power of his intentions.

"I'm sorry, I found it in a trashcan on the side of the road on my way to work, you'll have to deal with it during our session" the filthy kitten in your hands mewled pathetically, like it could sense the hostility directed towards it.

Katakuri wasn't impressed in the slightest, "it's not very professional of you to allow grimy animals in here"

Running the faucet in room temperature, you rolled up your sleeves and began to wash the small thing with a toothbrush, "well the government argues I'm not professional in working with villains but here I am"

The said villain narrowed his eyes disapprovingly.

After a bit of silence, his stare shifted from you to the cat, releasing a string of whimpering cries and not letting up in the slightest despite your gentle reassurances.

God it was annoying, could he kill it without consequences? Doubt it, you'd probably kick him out- or worse, blacklist him from your services entirely, and in spite of all of his growling and grouching, he did find your treatment effective.

Albeit, mostly as a place to vent.

"There, there.." shutting the faucet, you grabbed the closest towel and bundled the kitten inside like a miniature burrito.

"Aww, isn't that better little g- ow!" You booped the thing's nose, only to receive a bite from it's itty bitty jaws.

"You better hope that thing isn't diseased"

Glowering at the remark, you shoved the bundled kitten onto your desk with a huff as you stomped for the door, "I got milk heating in the other room, I'll be right back and then we can get started"

Katakuri didn't make any moves to signal that he heard you, but you know he did, and settled in just giving him a pout before closing the door behind you.

~~~

"What the fuck did I miss..?" Returning with a bottle of milk in hand, you stepped inside only to raise a brow at the sight before you.

Katakuri for his part, looked like he was doing relatively fine despite the kitten crawling over his scarf and rubbing itself against his face.

No need to mention his cheeks were no redder than a tomato.

"Shut up.."

"Do you want to feed him?" You offered the bottle with a flippant smirk.

Katakuri stared at it with the spiteful intensity of a thousand suns, you could just feel the frustration radiating underneath that facade.

"Yes please..."

Needless to say you didn't need to worry about that cat for the rest of the day.