When We're Older- The Maze Runner (Newt)

heart's on fire

MAE

  We all sat down on the sand, staring at the fire, our own thoughts destroying our minds.

   My knees were up to my chest as I stared at the flames which swayed back and forth like they were free. They could move any way they wanted. Make any sound. They were beautiful, and they knew it as well. Shame didn't apply to the heat that radiated off of the flames like they were willing to give up the thing that they praised the most. The different colors...it was all just so beautiful. It made me wonder why I was thinking about beauty at a time where we were mourning the heartbreaking death of our friend.

   My eyes traveled over to Newt, who was laying on his side, staring into the flames as well. His face looked void of emotion, but I knew that wasn't true. He held a million feelings inside of him as he sat there, listening to the crackling of the fire.

   When I placed my hand on top of his, I thought that he didn't notice it. Or worse, he ignored it. Maybe he was so far stuck into the sea of thoughts that he wasn't aware of anything going on around him. That none of us were here with him, feeling the same things. But when he gently squeezed my middle finger as I was starting to pull away, I knew he needed some sort of reassurance during this time. So, I placed my hand back on his, and he ran his thumb over my knuckles while bringing his other hand to hold our intertwined ones. Like he needed to feel more.

   Without thinking, I tilted my head to the side and gently pressed my lips to the top of his head. I could feel his body relax from the subtle, yet meaningful, gesture as I moved his bangs softly from his eyelashes like I always did. Newt's eyes slowly fluttered closed like he was enjoying the moment as he leaned into my touch, still wanting more. I pressed my hand to his cheek, my heart bursting with how much I felt for this one person. It was a million feelings in one single feeling and I didn't know what to name it. 

  Being as gentle as possible with his fragile body and vulnerable demeanor, I lifted his chin to look up at me. He faced me, but his eyes were still on the sand we laid upon. The corners of my mouth tilted upward as another crack sounded from the fire, and Newt's brown eyes finally met mine, and I thought he was going to break on the spot.

   The chocolate color was only lightly glassed over with the tears he was trying so hard to keep in. The scratch beneath his eye was a dark red, showing signs of healing...it just made him all the more beautiful. His sandy hair complimented every feature on his young face, making me want to stare at him for hours. He was just so perfect. An angel. Newt may not think he's flawless...the truth is that nobody is. But to me he's everything and more. I just wish I could tell him that without sounding like such a schoolgirl—whatever those are, the term just came to mind.

   "I thought we were supposed to be immune..." Minho spoke up from his place sitting on his bag. Newt broke the eye contact and looked over at his friend, and I followed. Minho looked...lost. Like he wasn't actually here. None of us were. He was playing with a small knife and staring into the flames as well.

   Teresa sighed to my right, "Not all of us...I guess."

   I clenched my jaw, a newfound fear developing in my chest. Whatever those things were, never in my life have I been so freaked out. To lose my mind and want to hurt the people I love. To be a killing machine. When I looked into those monsters eyes, I didn't see a hint of sanity left in them. It was like that Ava Paige girl said: the virus was unpredictable. How were we supposed to know what to do if one of us caught it? What do we even do? Leave them behind like we did with Winston?

"If Winston can get infected we should assume so can the rest of us." Newt spoke up, his voice low, but still able to be heard. I squeezed his hand again and he squeezed mine. If I went all crazy, that would mean that I would have to leave. Leave him. I wasn't going to hold anyone up by trying to eat their eyes out while they were trying to get to the mountains. To safety. If I got infected, I would leave quietly. Probably with nothing left but a note. I would want to be by myself. That way, nobody could see me turn the farthest from myself that I've ever turned. Even though the person I am now seems to be pretty different than the one I was a month ago.