When We're Older- The Maze Runner (Newt)

farewell

the final chapter...

there's going to be a small author's note at the end, but for now

enjoy

also there's two songs for this chapter. the first one is above, and that's the suggested one for Mae's part. the next one is at Newt's part, and it'll tell you which song there.

tw: mentions of suicide and dark thoughts

MAE

   "So, do you wanna finally tell me what happened when I was passed out?"

    I turned my head to the left and looked at Newt, who was holding a half-full glass of Gally's alcohol in his hand. He stared straight ahead at everyone who was gathered around the fire, all immersed in their own conversations and not paying any attention to us.

   Newt and I were sitting on a log a few yards away from our friends, far enough so that we could only hear the murmurings of their voices instead of the actual words they were saying. They had the radio with them, Brenda occasionally switching between the stations to find something everyone would like.

   The two of us had a few drinks with them, talking and laughing as though it's always been like that. For a few moments, it felt like we had lived on this beach forever, and we never lost the memory of our lives before... We all felt normal.

   Newt had decided that he wanted to talk to me alone, so we had moved over towards a lonely log on the edge of the shoreline. It was just the two of us sitting there; I was facing the ocean, and Newt was facing our friends as if he were to look away from them, they wouldn't be there any more. I kept my eyes on his, needing to know if it was just my anxious mind that had asked the question, or if it was actually him.

   He took a deep breath through his nose and let it out through his parted lips. "Everyone's saying that you went through a lot... Minho's acting more protective than usual, Vince almost didn't let me see you, you ran away when you saw me, which I understand," He nodded his head once, keeping his eyes straight. "I just wanna know if you're okay. It hurts when I know you're not, but it hurts even more when I know you're faking it."

   I kept my mouth sealed shut as I looked at him, wishing that I could hop inside of his mind and know what he was thinking. I always wished I knew what he was thinking. Sitting on this log, nothing felt real. The ocean, the sand, him—nothing felt tangible anymore.

   "Just..." He dropped his chin to his chest in defeat, sighing. "Just tell me what happened, Maisy. If—If it's something bad, I won't get mad, I won't overreact. I just wanna know if you're okay."

   Newt finally turned his head, meeting his teary eyes with my numb ones. There's something in his soul that's pleading for me to open up, I could see it very clearly. Surprisingly, he looks exactly how I feel on the inside—tired, desperate. The way he was staring at me makes me feel like he's finally opened his eyes to the truth. He knows I'm not okay, and this time, he's not just going to let me brush it off like I have in times past.

   I broke the eye contact, looking back out at the peaceful water with an emptiness in my heart that left me feeling helplessly out of place. In my mind, I searched for words to say...how to start this conversation. But nothing came to the surface when I was swimming in all of my thoughts. My brain was empty as well as the rest of me. Even with Newt here, providing as much love and compassion and empathy as he could, I felt empty.

   "I've never been that good at opening up..." I spoke, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

   Newt let out a shallow breath from beside me, turning his body around on the log so that now both of us were facing the ocean. "I know, it's okay."