imprisonment

Chapter 24; D

TW: Dark thoughts and actions.

"Draco—" she moaned.

Any normal guy would be enthralled hearing their name leave a woman's mouth. It would have turned them on, making them want her even more. But this wasn't the case for Draco.

He wished he could have enjoyed it, he really did, but his heart dropped when he heard those words leave her mouth. It sobered him up, making everything seem far too real.

They were no longer in that moment where nothing else existed. Her words brought back everything he was trying to erase. That was the whole purpose of using legilimancy on her— to escape who he was.

He felt a pit grow in his throat. The weight of his past fell back onto him like a thousand bricks when he heard her say his name. He couldn't breathe.

He could barely remember pulling her down from her spot on the railing and ending the vision. It all happened so fast. What he did remember though, was the look on her face. It stung deep in his heart and hurt almost as bad as hearing his name.

Everything went dark for a moment before he was back in the cell. He wished that darkness lasted longer. It was easier to exist in that split second in the darkness rather than living.

He didn't deserve to hear his name grace her lips. He was on the other side of the war. A war that killed her best friend. A war that wanted her dead.

It was never supposed to go this far. She was meant to be his way of getting out of Azkaban. He had planned to make her fall for him, not the—

He couldn't finish that thought.

He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. He hated himself for the way he felt when he kissed her. She felt like a home he never had. It felt so right, but wrong to know that he would never be enough for her.

She deserved someone good—someone who wasn't morally grey and fucked up in the head. As much as he wanted to be selfish and take her for himself, he couldn't. Hermione deserved someone who could be emotionally available for her. She deserved someone who could be the good guy. He knew he would never be that person. Darkness made its home inside him the day the mark laced his skin.

He knew he had to stop, occlude, and forget about her. Even if it meant staying in Azkaban forever, that would be better than his feelings for her. He would ruin her, tarnish her, and erase everything that she was if he stayed in her life. He would dim the light in her, bringing her down with him.

He knew if he ever left with the Order, he would have to make a choice between staying with her and going back to the Death Eaters. He knew deep down he would choose his mother over her. If he left with Hermione, his mother would be as good as dead and he could never live with himself. If she was even alive.

Draco dug his nails into the palm of his hand, drawing blood. He felt so helpless and weak. He was breaking inside. The isolation finally found its way into his nerves, making its way to his brain infecting it. He no longer knew what was real.

He would have never felt this way for her if they hadn't been locked up together. He knew this for a fact. He also knew she would never want him either.

He didn't know what hurt worse.

All the years he spent trying to push everyone out were all for nothing because she still managed to find her way past his walls.

It was all too much.

"FUCK," he screamed out, tears threatening to fall down his cheek.

He spent so long trying to train them to stay.