Umm what?

Chapter 16- Our final journey to the ground

Clarke's pov-

It's been a little over an hour since Raven told us to leave her alone in the backyard. It didn't seem like an hour to me. I guess looking at the drawing of mom and dad made me zone out, I couldn't stop looking at it. When Jaha floated my dad I felt so sad and broken. Now my mom might be gone. I felt my chest getting tighter. My hands started to shake uncontrollably, I felt like I couldn't breath. I dropped the sketchbook, I started to gasp for air. I tried to stand up but my legs gave out on me, I heard footsteps coming, It was Lexa she grabbed my face it looked like she was talking but all I can hear is the sound of my heart beating. It got faster and faster every second. I watched Lexa as I struggled to breathe, she made motion to copy what she was doing. I inhaled with her for four second, then I exhaled for eight seconds. This decreased the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears, but my chest still felt tight and I was still trembling.

"Clarke. I want you to keep inhaling for four second and exhale for eight, close your eyes to focus on your breathing," I closed my eyes and did what Lexa said. Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4. Exhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. I don't know how long I was doing this for but I slowly opened my eyes. Lexa made sure to slowly get up and bring me to sit on the couch. I put my head in my hands, they still were shaking but not as bad as they were earlier.

"I'm sorry if I scared you. I think I had a panic attack, I started to think about my mom and how I m-might of l-lost her," My voice started to shake at the end. Lexa grabbed my chin softly so I would look at her.

"Just breathe for now Clarke. If you get your stubbornness from your mother, then I know she wouldn't let that explosion kill her," Lexa lent forward and kissed me softly. Lexa being this soft calmed me.

"You think I'm stubborn?" I asked after she pulled away. When Lexa smiled it made my heart swell, I wish she could smile often, but her job doesn't really let her do that.

"Yes. It's a good thing," I lent in and kissed her.

"Thank you my beautiful raccoon," I chuckled as Lexa shook her head.

"I told you Clarke, it was not my intention for my war paint to look like a furry animal. From the drawings you showed me, I can see no resemblance."

"Don't lie to yourself. you can totally see the resemblance," Lexa let out a little chuckle. She took a quick look at the ground and saw the sketchbook, Lexa picked it up and looked at the drawing of my parents.

"Is this how he looked?" Lexa said as she looked at my dad.

"Yeah. It's crazy how much detail there is in his smile. His smile was so contagious. Before he was floated, he would walk into our room with just the brightest smile. It never mattered how bad of a day he had at work, when he walked through the door and saw me or mom. All of the stress he experienced that day just went away. Him smiling everyday, made me smile every day," Just remembering him smile put a smile on my face.

"That sounds nice," I kissed Lexa.

"Lexa, I never hear you talk about your family. Do you have family? You don't have to answer if you don't feel like it," Lexa let out a deep sigh.

"Indra, Anya, Gustus are the ones who raised me, but none of them are my birth parent or siblings. They don't know who if I have any blood family out there, Anya found me in the woods when I was a child," I felt my heart sink when Lexa said she was found in the woods. I grabbed her hand and interlocked our fingers.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked,"Lexa just gave a weak little smile.

"It's fine Clarke. You told me something personal about yourself, It's only right I tell you something about me. It's a fair trade,"I smiled and gave her another kiss. Raven threw the back door open, we separated when we heard the door slam against the wall. Tati and Ontari ran out of their room when the heard the door hit the wall.