My Confidate

Chapter 5

"Raat gehri thi dar bhi sakte the,
Hum jo kehte the kar bhi sakte the,
Tum jo bichde to yeh bhi na socha,
Ki hum toh pagal the mar bhi sakte the"

"Mana ke hum yaar nahi
Lo tay hai ke pyar nahi
Phir bhi nazrein na
Tum milana
Dil ka aitbaar nahi"

I sit back in my seat, the soft padded back relaxing my muscles despite how currently dug up in the grave I was. I let the song continue to play, glad that I'd canceled all my appointments for the rest of the day before this had happened. My phone lay flat against my desk, the picture of us from that night still displayed across my lock screen. My heart thudded back to life, 7 years after it had suffocated itself inside brick walls, too scared to be broken yet again. Too scared to be left waiting yet again. Too scared for someone to come so close only to run away without even the slightest explanation. I remembered him saying he wouldn't be able to leave. Remembered him saying I meant too much. But remembering words that meant nothing didn't do anything but crush my soul further. He'd left. Moved away so far that even keeping contact was hard. He'd moved 7 seas away, to big city of Mumbai. And now 6 years after last being contacted by him, his mom wanted me to fly over and stop him from digging himself further into his own mind, along with Neetu di's wedding. She'd made me swear I'd come, Neetu Di having further made sure I knew I had the least of a choice. Giving me yet another taxing thought I didn't need. To say I understood them reaching out after so long would be the biggest of a lie. I'd talked to them a few times over the years, the very very few time's mom had given me the already dialled call and the few of times I'd called myself or they'd initiated the call.

"Raste mein jo milo to
Hath milane ruk jana
Ho sath mein koi ho tumhare
Door se hi tum muskana
Lekin muskaan ho aisi
Ke jisme ikraar nahi
Lekin muskaan ho aisi
Ke jisme ikraar nahi"

I'd heard his voice behind her, the voice I recognized. The soft muffled murmur enough for me to almost hear how much he'd broken down from the elated self I was used to. The jolly sarcasm laced in his tone was gone. Completely. I hadn't agreed to going. I hadn't denied either, my mind having gone hazy under the influence of her words. She believed I was the only one that could help him, get him to be the Sidharth he always was. "Our Sidharth" as she'd said. But I wondered if there was any of the "our" still left. I let out a soft sigh pressing my thumb into my temples. This had been possibly the worst day of the past few years. Him being gone was bad but knowing he was suffering was awful. I'd loved him at a point, perhaps I still did. I wanted him to flourish, be happy, live his life with the same joy he'd lived with from when he was here. The ambition of his having pushed me forward despite him not being here. I sat where I did because of him. The current best clinical psychologist in both India and my hometown. The clinics I'd opened helping me fulfill a dream we'd dreamed together. The dream of helping people without anyone else to do the same for them. I'd sent him letters about it all, sending written notes as well attached with gifts the people would give back despite constant requests for not to. And yet I hadn't received even one reply. I didn't even know if he'd gotten all of them.

"Sana?"

I look up finding Gautam at the door, him having an extra key not beneficial everytime. I shut off the music wiping away my eyes before giving him a smile. The smile widened as the little girl left his hand, running over to my seat. She chimed climbing into my lap, smothering my face with kisses. "Hi baby!" I chime back giggling as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "Kaise hai mera bacha?" I ask sitting her atop my lap, wiping away the loose hairs in her face.

"Pefect" she murmured letting her small hands cup my face. I look back up at Gautam, gesturing him to come inside. "Priya nhi aayi?" I question as he takes a seat. He shook his head, looking keenly at my face before letting out a soft sigh. "Sidharth?" He questioned looking at the screen still displaying the picture I'd pulled up earlier. I hum letting Jannat walk off over to the bin of toys I had set up especially for her. "Mumbai bulaya aunty ne"