My Confidate

Chapter 13

"Sirf Nazdeekiyon Se Mohabbat Hua Nahi Karti,
Fasle Jo Dilon Mein Ho To Fir Chahat Hua Nahi Karti,
Agar Naraz Ho Khafa Ho To Shikayat Karo Humse,
Khamosh Rahne Se Dilon Ki Dooriyan Mita Nahi Karti."

"Aap dono ko chup rehne mein aisa kya Sukoon milta hai jo mauka milte hi akele aa kr baith jaate ho?" Aditiya questioned walking over to where I sat just as I put away the journal of been writing in earlier. A journal full of poetic ways of describing the hurt I felt. It was as if that was my hidden art. Finding words that fit together so well that they could be mistaken for an emotion. Art that I kept all to myself. I give him a smile shifting as he took the seat beside me, following my gaze to the now closed journal. "I'm guessing that's your best friend" he murmured, admiringly running his hand over the cover.

"Not exactly" I answer, the word best friend had a little too much unfulfilled promises, hurtful actions and unsurity involved. All three of which I was in no way ready for more of. "It's like a secret holder, jo main kisi aur ko nhi bta skti ya jta skti woh sab ismein hai." I conclude, watching keenly as he flipped it open. The reflex of pulling the pad of emotions away not clicking in for a reason unexplained. He looked back up at me, the hesitant eyes detouring as he put it back against the table. "Kisi k personal matters mein itna hi bolna aur sunna chahiye Jitna woh khud batayein. Yeh shayari ya stories ya jo bhi hai ispe sirf aap ka haq hai although I definitely wouldn't mind hearing some." he explained shrugging as he looked into the grey cloudy sky above. I let out a soft chuckle gulping away the heavy feeling I'd captivated inside of me. "I don't think they're that interesting-"

A - "perhaps you should let me decide that"

"You're stubborn" I laugh bringing my knees up against my chest, letting out a soft breath before I thought back through the words I'd written. "Just slightly" he answered shifting into the opposite corner of the couch.

"Find the one you love and let them burn you,
Let your love burn you like the sun,
Let your love and hate fuel the fire,
And the more vulnerable you become,
The hotter you will burn,
Until you are nothing but molten ash.
And when the fire cools,
Your love will be,
A hard cool steel,
And nothing will break you.
For together you have been the sun." I murmur letting out a whiff of breath as silence spread, the amused look on his face disappearing momentarily. I let out a soft laugh biting back my lip to keep from continuing. The reaction resurfacing the fear of letting anyone else in.

"Wow..I mean- I fail to understand if that meant a happy ending or the burning away of the same" he spoke, minutes later, his eyes speaking of just how confused he really was.

"Maybe that's where it's meant to be left off... the ideal expectation of an happy ending wouldn't be practical"

I look back following the voice, my heart thumping against my gut. He knew when this was from. He only knew where it ended. He was the last to know the chapter that followed. "Love and practical are opposites I'd never use in the same sentence. Practically Pyaar nhi ho skta aur pyaar mein practical nhi ho skte, chahe jitni mrzi koshish krlo" Aditiya responded the tone the words were laced in enough to divert the both of our gazes to himself.

"I mean.. I wouldn't know lek-Mtlb Sach toh yeh hi hai na?" He stuttered, fumbling to hide to look upon his face. I let out a laugh shaking my head as he sat back giving in to having exposed himself. "I'm sure yours will be the happy ending... as long as the both of you burn together, in sync, for each other." I state filling in the abrupt silence.

"And what if they're burning apart but for the same?" Sidharth questioned meeting my eyes as he took the empty seat across. "They wouldn't be. You don't leave a part of your flame behind. Love works only when they truly understand its depth. Starting of with sticking together against the world instead of pulling apart or letting yourself be pulled away. Pursuing love is a choice but to be in love is inevitable. When you're in love it hurts more to leave to other hurting for whatever reason it may be than confess the initial problem yet I'm positive you wouldnt understand" I revert picking up the journal from the table as I get up to walk away. The ease in doing so not occurring like I'd thought it would. Perhaps because I was never the one doing so. I'd watched as others let that hurt fall upon me, stood by them as they inched away.

Sidharth :

I walk up to where she stood,watching her smile as she stared down at the happy chaos filling the venue. Her eyes however contradicted the joy lying against her lips, the tear filled gaze shifting as I approached. "You should be down there" she said, her voice void of any emotion in particular. "So should you" I revert standing right next her, leaning into the ledge she sat against. She shifted letting out a sigh of defeat, continuing to adore the view as she was before.

"It's so weird no? You spend so much time stuck in one place that you don't realize how fast everything is passing... your mind is so occupied by one single thought that all else happening goes without notice. No matter if it was for the better or the worse.. we don't seem to care when we're priorly occupied" she whispered, cutting the silence a few minutes later, seemingly more to herself than me. "Perhaps that's how it's meant to be" I state looking up to meet her eyes, watching as she blinked away a sense of letting loose. She gave me a stiff nod, biting back her lip, letting the silence invade once again. I felt my gut wrench at the same, the awkwardness and hesitation between us mocking the conversation I'd had in mind as I'd made my way out of the crowd, following her up. "You really like to leave everything to how it's meant to be no?" She questioned looking back with a lone tear stricken down her cheek. I open my mouth to respond, failing to get a word through under the piercing gaze of hers. Licking my lips I stare back, letting out a heavy breath. "I waited years Sidharth. In the hope for this... for the both of us to be there, the centre of attention. The talk of the night. Our happy ending. I waited.. despite what I was told I held the last strand of hope and foolishly followed through the shallow dreams you'd left me with. You knew I needed you... I told you that same night that I'd do anything but be seen even a day without you by my side and yet you left me for a lifetime of the same. Tune bola tha ki tu nhi jayega.. nhi ja payega lekin tu chala gya. Mere dar ko Ek baar phir jitaake chala gya" she sobbed, her cries loud enough to silence the cheering below. I step forward reaching my hand against her shoulder, my throat clenched shut as her words piled through. She shrugged it away, bringing her hands against her face, tapping away the runaway tears. "Please stop. I don't want to make a scene. Door raho mujhse. Aaj bhi aur aaj k baad bhi. You continue with your life and I'll continue with mine. Separately.. just like you wanted."