Spoby One Shots

35 • Just Keep Breathing

TW: anxiety, panic attacks & PTSD.

She's there again.

She's trapped, trying to get out.

There's blood on the floor. Whose blood???

What did she do???

What did it make her do???

A choice between her friends.

She has to pick.

She panics.

Her hand lands on Hanna.

Screaming.

She screams too. Not because she's in physical pain but because this is so much worse.

She aches all over.

She wants Toby. She needs Toby.

Her vision blurs and she's falling.

Now she feels like she's swimming.

Heaving breathing.

Shaking.

Small cries

Escalation

Shouts
into
Screams

Eyes snap.

Awake.

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

Breathing please slow.

Try not to wake up Liv.

Too late.

Liv awake.

Liv mouth moving. Can't hear.

Focus.

Deep breaths.

Hearing.

Liv asking question.

Do you need help?

Say no.

Apologise.

Liv says never say sorry.

Stop thinking about when Toby said the same thing.

Mind clearing, now thinking more coherent thoughts.

Just a few minutes more and I'll be normal again.

Keep blocking out the dream, the memory, the repeat.

And I'm back.

"I'm so sorry" Spencer said to her roommate Liv. "I know you've got a big exam in a few hours, you don't need this."

"How many times have I told you, you don't need to apologise. If I'd been through what you have I'd been having those dreams far more often than you do. You don't always need to be strong or even okay, Spence." Liv told her.

Spencer tried to ignore the ache in her chest that came with what Liv had said. She sounded exactly like Toby. That was probably the reason why she and Liv got on so well and why she trusted her so much.

When these kind of things happened, dreams or panic attacks or strong memories, all Spencer wanted was Toby. To have him stroke her back and calm her down or just hold her close and tell her that she was okay and he would never let anything hurt her again. But she couldn't have that anymore. She and Toby had broken up 6 months ago.  It hadn't been nasty or messy but it still hurt like an absolute bitch. They'd just been going in different directions and a pregnancy scare had made them realise it.