All Or None

Chapter 1

🔹LEAH🔹

I was exhausted. I put the car in drive and slowly made my way down the wide curving driveway. Away from the only man I'd ever loved and all the memories we had made together. A weekend getaway to my boyfriends parents house had quickly turned into a nightmare. I had put up with disapproving looks and uncontrolled sighs for far longer then I had the patience to endure. Then came out the subtle hints interspersed into all of our conversations and I knew there was no getting through to these people. At that point I kept my mouth shut and did my best to laugh at all the right jokes and answer all the questions thrown at me, even if most of the time they felt like interrogations. The last straw was when Luke's mother had off handedly mentioned that Luke had gotten accepted into Duke University. I was floored! All this time together we had both discussed that he would apply to Stanford for pre med and I would apply to Berkeley for my major in business administration. That way we could still be together and visit each other on weekends. Luke must of registered the look on my face because the conversation that ensued afterwards in his room upstairs was just the beginning of the end. I learned that he had known for two weeks already and he didn't know how to tell me. My heart broke at the thought. Luke was a coward. I used to think that when it came down to it he would fight for me. That he wouldn't run like a puppy to do his parents bidding, that he wouldn't throw two years away with me just because he couldn't say no. I guess I was wrong about him, I guess my 21 years hadn't taught me much. Drifting back to the present moment I looked down quickly at my once wrinkle free blouse and distractedly smoothed out the lines while I kept my eyes on the road. I always made an effort to dress well and take the proper measures to look and smell nice but especially more so before visiting with the Whitman's. Yet after two years I had come to the conclusion that this wasn't about me. They simply didn't think I was the right girl for their son and they made every effort possible to point it out. In the end they got what they wanted and Luke had just let me drive away. I quickly wiped the tears forming at my eyes, I needed my vision clear for the hour drive back to Richmond. Once I collapsed in my bed and got under the covers I could let it go. For now I would do what I always did best. I would control my emotions and stay calm.

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Three days had past and still no word from Luke. I held up in my apartment and stayed to myself, beyond thankful for the three day weekend that gave me the much needed break from my friends and studies. Since everyone assumed I was spending the weekend with Luke I was basically left alone and able to process how I felt. After all was said and done I knew Luke must of anticipated our breakup, it made too much sense considering his behavior during our argument and now afterwards. For once I was glad we hadn't moved in together. Even though we both thought it would be a waste of money considering our plans to go to separate colleges, I had sometimes wondered how it would be to wake up next to him every morning. Tearing my thoughts away from Luke I knew I had to get my shit together before my roommate came home. I ran a hand through my long dark hair and grimaced. My once perfect blowout from a few days ago was now just a giant mess. I had mascara smudged under my eyes and ranch dip from yesterday's salad on my oversized t-shirt. Quickly I stripped the sheets off the bed and put them in the wash. I dumped my dirty pajamas in along with it and quickly walked naked back to my room. I didn't want to look at myself before jumping in the shower, I could already see the toll the last few days had on my body and it scared me. I had lost weight and the usual glow on my skin had faded to pale and dull. I turned on the water as hot as I could handle it and began washing and scrubbing away the stress of the past weekend. I just needed to keep myself busy and I would get through this. First thing on my agenda was to call my roommate and best friend Sylvie. I needed her now more then ever.