All Or None

Chapter 5

🔹LEAH🔹

By the time Wes arrived at The Pub Vee and I had been talking for over an hour. I explained everything to her and how it all went down. At one point I almost started crying but I refused to give into tears in a public place. The last few days had been a whirlwind of emotions and not surprisingly I felt tired all over again.

We ordered food and I only picked at it, my appetite had still not returned. I could tell Vee did her best to cheer me up but there was just no helping how I was feeling. After almost two hours together I told her I needed to get going. Class started the next day and I needed my wits about me. Vee told me she would be home later on and not to wait up for her if I was tired. I left after a few concerned looks from Wes and a big hug from Vee. I really had the best friend a girl could ask for.

I drove the 15 minutes home and climbed the stairs up to my apartment. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of Luke on my door step. He looked tired and travel weary but probably not as bad as I looked.

"What are you doing here Luke?"

He cleared his throat.

"I came to get my things. I go back to my parents tomorrow."

I nodded and tried not to break down on the spot. Opening the door I let him inside. I then went to the attached storage room and pulled out a box. Luke walked silently with me to my room as we loaded up his clothes and toiletries. When the box was almost full Luke spoke up.

"I'm sorry Leah"

I looked at him and sucked in a breath.

"Are you?"

"Yes, I should have told you."

I asked him the one thing I wanted to know.

"Would it have made a difference? We both said we didn't want a long distance relationship."

"I hate to say it but probably not. You've known I was about my career from day one. I couldn't not accept a chance of a life time over a relationship."

My heart broke further.

"You mean you wouldn't choose me over your dream college."

His eyes hardened slightly

"Should I have to?"

I couldn't believe that he thought I should be the understanding one, considering how he lead me on for two years.

"If you don't know the answer to that then you really are a coward Luke."

He straightened then and grabbed the box full of his belongings. Holding it in one arm he gently placed his hand on the back of my neck and drew me in for a kiss.

Afterwards he looked at me and said

"No Leah, I'm just not the man for you. You deserve someone who would give it up, but that's not me."

And turning around he walked out. I barely heard the click of the front door before I sank down to the floor and cried. Because after everything he was right and I had just given two years to a man who didn't love me back.

///

After my meeting with Luke the days passed in a blur. I got up the next morning and went to class, showed up for work at the office where I worked as a part time administrative assistant and went through the motions. Yet inside I felt empty and when I thought about how things ended I felt angry.

Vee tried to cheer me up and get my mind on other things but I felt like the end of my relationship with Luke had spiraled me into something dark. I didn't know how to get back to the girl I used to be and I didn't know the girl I was now.

On Friday night I planned on going to bed early. I had already showered and put on my flannel pajamas and lay snuggled under the covers. Sleep was usually the one thing that was a true escape from the constant thoughts that bombarded my mind. I couldn't wait for the day I was over this shit. With that thought I clicked on my phone and absentmindedly scrolled through Facebook. The first week after Luke and I had broken up I made a point to unfriend him and even though my albums held quite a few pictures of us together I never looked at them if I could help it. That must of been why I got a shock to my system when a picture of Luke showed up on the screen. I assumed one of my friends had liked it therefore popping it up on my feed. That wasn't too hard to believe considering we both had a few of the same friends from our time in high school. My mind rationalized it but my heart hurt just looking at him. My eyes glazed over the picture, it was recent and he looked so happy. Luke was already a handsome man but now there was something in his eyes that made him seem more alive then he had looked in awhile. My resolve hardened further at the sight of him. Here I was going to bed early and he was getting along fine without me. I exhaled in frustration. I was so done being depressed, I was so done being angry, I was so done regretting my choices. I had been young and naive but I wasn't that girl anymore.

Suddenly I had the urge to prove everyone wrong. To stop the pitying looks from Wes and Vee, to show Luke that I could get on with my life and most of all to show myself that I was still wanted. Starting now. I quickly deleted the facebook app off my phone and dialed Vee's number.