How Did You Want It Again?

21

*REMEMBER!! These particular chapters with Cato happened during and before Devon's identity fraud was revealed.*

"Mail call!" Inmates yelled and I didn't flinch because I knew there was nothing for me. There never was. My cellmate always had mail though. He'd be laughing up a storm and showing off pictures his family sends him. I noticed that I was jealous of him. Something I never found myself being.

"Catora Sullivan!" My ears perked up like a canine. I practically jumped up from my bed with joy before taking the piece of mail through the bars. God is that you?

Before the officer walked away I called his name. He looked at me.

"I need to see a lawyer. When the fuck yall gone let me see somebody? I need to talk to somebody." This guard just smirked before turning his back on me defeating my chances of getting out of here. I haven't really talked to an attorney since I've been dumped here. Only one bullshit attorney and I'm starting to think he wasn't a real lawyer. He only had me sign papers and said he'd be back to see me soon. That was months ago I'm sure.

I diverted my attention back to the white piece of mail. It was perfectly rectangular and I read who the mail came from and my body got weak nearly. Jayda.

She knows I'm here. She found me. Jayda found me.

I ripped the mail open, eager to read the letter. I didn't feel any pictures so I knew there weren't any pictures in here. I finally removed the paper from the envelope and my body went cold. It was an obituary of Jayda. This can't be real.

The date also confused me. How long exactly have I been here? Mail took a while to get processed and sent in here, so whoever sent this could've visited me, but chose not to. But my heart was hurting because Jayda's been dead all of these months. I ignored my cellmate running his mouth and faced the wall for the remainder of the day.

I spent many hours sulking in my own mind thinking of how her funeral was. Who came to the funeral? Did my friends make sure everything went fine? Did they make sure Justyce was safe? How did she look? How did she die? Who paid for the funeral? Was she buried or cremated? So many questions and I don't think I'll ever get any answers.

"Aye man you tryna play ball? We need a fifth player these other niggas ass." I held my hand up stopping him from speaking any further. He had gone out to the yard and I could tell from the sweat built up on his forehead. "You good gang?"

I pursed my lips trying to maintain my composure. I just held up the obituary. I heard him sigh with disappointment.

"Damn she was your girlfriend?" He squinted at the picture then licked his lips. I was too hurt to say anything slick. "I'm sorry for your loss. I'll go ask somebody else. Stay up." He left the cell. And for hours in my cell, I just flipped through the obituary. I wanted to cry so bad, but I couldn't. Why did God take her away from me? What if I took another route that day? She'd still be alive if I did. I know she would. I couldn't save her and now Justyce is probably being bounced around in some system. It's all my fault. It's always my fault.

And someone is trying to hurt me in many ways. And it's working.

Two hours passed and it was almost lights out for the facility. My eyes kept stare on the balcony a few feet from my cell. I never was the suicidal type, but this new information hurt me to the core. I felt like somebody sat me in a frozen lake and stabbed me a hundred times with a knife. But I'd rather feel that the feeling I had when I found out Jayda is dead and I'll never see her again. She's the only person I was willing to change for and God took her away from me. Why would he do that to me? Is it because I've killed his people many times? God is it because I sell drugs to your people? What exactly did I do for you to take her away, a good wholesome person, a mother?