Please Smile [ sick/disabled Izuku ]

38

Midoriya's POV

I wake up from my nap and take note that Sho wasn't here. He must've gone to check on food. I hop up and go to the bathroom to remove my old bandages. The cuts were healed but it still left a few small scars, though mixed in with the scars shigraki gave me it was barley noticeable unless looking for it. After that, I went into the kitchen. "Hey guys!" I greeted them. They all seemed a little bit tense for some reason. "Is the food almost done?" I say walking over to where Shoto was.

"It's just now finishing." Kacchan says in a strangely not-so-annoyed tone. I nodded and went over to the cabinets to grab plates and forks. I set the table happily humming to myself. Maybe all I really needed was a nap. I should probably tell Sho about my panic attack.... later. I finished setting the table and turned to everyone. They all looked really tense like if they were to move to fast something would break. "What wrong? Did I miss something?" I asked getting anxious.

"No, not at all Midoriya!" Sho said "we were just in deep thought is all, thinking about our assignments" he said calmly. Something was off though. Shoto hasn't called me Midoriya since we started dating and I had seen the assignments for today they aren't that hard. "Oh ok" I say still confused. "Sho I was thinking we could go and see a movie tonight, there is this new one that just ca-"

"I'm sorry, I already had plans to study with Kirishima and Bakugo" Shoto interrupted me. I looked at him for a second. He's almost never talked to me like that.... it was so cold and harsh. "O-ok" I waited for the food silently after that. Bakugo brought the food over and we called everyone in. Besides Sho, Kacchan, Kirishima, Dabi, and Toga, everyone had a normal happy conversation.

After everyone had finished and put their plates away, I decided that I should really talk to Sho about my panic/anxiety attack. "Sho! Hey, so I was really hoping that I could talk to you. It will only take a few minutes and then you can go and study or whatever" I asked before he could go to Kacchans room. He glanced behind me and then looked at me "No maybe later" he said before he walked away. Oh..... did I do something wrong? Why are they acting weird? It it my fault?

"Midoriya, come with me I would like to talk to you about something." I head Aizawa say from behind me. If my anxiety wasn't high before it certainly was now. "O-ok, sure" I say following him out of the dormitory. We continue until we end up in his privet office. "Take a seat Midoriya" I did as I was instructed and sat in the the chair across from his desk.

"What's going on?" I ask timidly. He took the other seat and looked at me seriously. "Your not in trouble if that's what your wondering" he says reassuringly. "Just wanted to ask you about something important"

"Ok, go ahead" I say much more relaxed now.

"Toga had mentioned that you smelt of blood and she saw some bandages on your wrists. What happened? Are you ok? RG said that you hadn't gone to her for anything today" he asked looking me right in my eyes. I took a shaky breath and smiled. "I'm fine, I was putting some dishes away after school and I accidentally grabbed a knife the wrong way and it slid out of my hand. And of course my reflexes thoughts they could grab it and I ended up cutting myself by accident" I say sheepishly rubbing my neck.

"Midoriya I know you can catch knives, very well at that, what really happened?" He looked at and I could feel myself shrink in my chair. "I don't k-know what your talking about"

"Of course you do. You only ever stutter when your lying." He said looking at me with disappointment. I felt awful... I just wanted to cuddle with Sho but instead I'm have THIS conversation with Aizawa. "Really it's noth-" "don't tell me it was nothing" I was shaking, I was scared, and I was uncomfortable. "Let me see your wrists" he said in a caring but still really demanding tone. "N-no, I don't want to" I say standing up holding my hands close to my chest.

He also stands up and walks around his desk. This action caused me to stumble backwards and fall on my butt. He walked over and fought to grab my hands. Finally he won and was holding both of my hands, he had a firm but still gently grasp. He carefully pulled one of my sleeves down and inspected my arm. Again my cuts weren't that noticeable, unless that's what you were looking for. Aizawa looked at the many thin lines that ran across my wrists. You see I have a lot of scars(most caused by shiggy) but they were big and not thought out. My wrists had quite a few lines, they were perfectly straight and the exact same distance apart.

Aizawa sighed and looked at me. I turned my head so I didn't have to see his expression. "Why?" Aizawa asked me, he sounded so sad and disappointed in me. "I-I don't know" I started to cry. "It-it helped I gue-guess" I was now sobbing. He pulled me into a hug and asked "helped with what?"

"I-I don't know! Stress, anxiety, panic attacks!! I don't know it just seemed to make things better!" I sobbed into Aizawa's chest. "It wa-was as if it-it were releasing th-the build up of anxiety rather-rather than th-the blood!"

"Shhh...." he whispered rubbing my back and holding me tight as if I could shatter at an second. "I-I don't want to die....hic... th-that was never my-my intention.... I swear" my sobbing calmed a bit and was now soft hiccups. Finally my soft cry's stopped. "Do-don't tell anyone please...." I whispered.

"Why don't you want anyone to know?" He asked quietly. "They always treat me like I can't do anything....... if they know then-then they'll never let me be and do stuff for myself. It'll always be 'why are you going to the kitchen? Stay away from the sharp things' or 'let me make sure the bathroom doesn't have anything hidden in it, let me do a pat down just in case' *hic I-I don't want that.... I don't want anyone to know how truly weak I am. I don't want them to think differently of me... especially Shoto" I started to cry again "I don't want him to hate me o-or leave me.... I don't want him to think I'm weak and a problem"

"He won't think that..... I can tell he really loves you. So does everyone else in 1A heh they were all so mad when the police closed your case..... it was Shoto who found out where the leagues base was... It may not be very heroic...... but I had nearly killed the officer that told me your case was closed... and when talking to the students I had to act professional there was nothing I could do... I hated it, I hated that I couldn't save you" Aizawa admits "your like a son to me..... and I know I'm not good at expressing those kinds of emotions. But your a good kid and you didn't deserve the cards life handed you. You deserve so much more..." Aizawa pushed me back just far enough so he could look me in my eyes. "So please please stop hurting yourself"

I nodded my head. "And I would like you to talk to a therapist and see if we can get you on some anxiety/PTSD meds" I give him the best smile I could muster. "Ok... I-I'm really happy that you made me talk to you...... I feel so much.... lighter? I guess that's an ok way to describe it" I hug him again.

"Good now let's get you to bed ok?" I nod and stand up. "I'll give you the things I've been using to cut to" I say feeling a lot better than when I came in here. It was late and the dorm halls were empty. We walked all the way to mine and Sho's room and I silently hoped Shoto wasn't in it and was still studying with the other boys. I open the door quietly just in case he was here trying to sleep. I look inside and don't see him, I walked all the way in and went straight to the bathroom. I quickly grabbed the three blades I had been using it was a box cutter, a small pocket knife, and a razor blade. I hand them to Aizawa and release a shaky breath. "This is all of them.... I never really cut often, only every once-an-a-while. When I had a particularly bad day..." I say quietly, ashamed of my actions.

"Thank you. Now get some sleep ok? We will talk more tomorrow" Aizawa said before giving one last hug and leaving. I sighed and decided to put some pjs on. As I was about to put my shirt on I looked at myself in our mirror. I looked at my scar covered body... I hate it... where is Sho? I really really just want to cuddle and maybe talk to him..... It's fine everything is fine just go to bed. Instead of going to my bed, I went to Shoto's bed. Everything is going to be fine....

1640 words

Wow we're getting close to the end...