The Sums of Us

You and I, Me and You

(HERO)

You saw me first
You let me in when I was at my worst
The moment when I heard You say my name
It's the first time in so long I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid

You are the voice that calms the storm inside me
Castle walls that stand around me
All this time, my guardian was You
You are the light that shines in every tunnel
There in the past, You'll be there tomorrow
All my life, Your love was breaking through

It's always been You
It's always been YouMy northern star
Your love will be the compass of my heart
Oh, I just wanna be right where You are
Right where You are

(It's Always Been You,  Phil Wickham)
~

Tulse Hill, London

Jack's wedding is a beautiful ceremony. It feels surreal to be here for his wedding. The first of our close friends who ties the knots. He used to be in a relationship with a girl among our groups but after he graduated, their relationship faltered and eventually died away. A year after that, he started seeing girls outside our group. The same way Felix always do. He dated girls far from our flock. Well, he made a right decision actually. Jack knew his wife for years and they decided to tie the knot this year. I am happy for him and his wise decision.

They decided to get married in London despite the girl from Liverpool. It's Jack's home and near to all of us. I like his wife. She's independent and like none of the girls in our big group. She just being herself. She never cares about being in the group and Jack never brought her to join us, until today, in their wedding where we all meet. It's safe to say, the invitation to the whole groups in this wedding, is entirely a courtesy of Jack. He still invite all of our group despite the fall out between me and T kind of creating two fractions in there. Like I give a damn who sides with whom! Fuck off!!

Funny I never saw her again after that incident when she gave Alin those photos. That suits me fine. She tries to avoid me after knowing the only reason I didn't press charged on her for distributing those personal photos without consent was due to Jo's reluctant to press any charges. I made sure all of the people in our big group knew about it. I made sure she knew that it's from Jo's mercy she was not drag to the police station and face criminal charges. However, she is here today.

I know everyone know what happened to Jo by now. What they don't know is we are together. Maybe few of my close friends could guess but majority are in the dark. They might see me as brooding moody Hero today because I come to the wedding without partner. My being alone somehow excite some of them. I see her moves from many tables away from me to few tables near me. Seriously, if she thinks she can strike a convo with me, well, she is all in for an embarrassment because I'm not gonna talk to her at all! Nah! Fucking no!

I'm not scare or what but there's fucking no necessity to talk to that one human whom I know is the one who stays the longest in Jo's mind and heart. T is a symbol of my betrayal and perhaps Jo would never forget her anger about it forever. Something I accept long ago but still, it makes me sad because I forever taint her mind on so many beautiful places because of my betrayal with T. She never want to go to Spain again and I'm sure she never give Bulgaria a second thoughts. All because of my bastardy. So it just fit for me to have nothing to do with T anymore when all she could trigger in Jo is pain. I hate how my mistakes would always come back and hurting her instead of me.

The wedding is set in a huge garden with band playing on the stage. It is a lively affair and my heart feels empty without Jo by my side. I feel kind of sad sitting here on my own with all our friends around with their girls. This is me attending my first wedding invitation alone without someone who would love to take me to the wedding in her arms because according to her, I look good on her arms. She is suppose to be here with me for our first date out together in the open. Unfortunately, the crash made it impossible for her to be here with me today. Despite Jack's thoughtfulness postponing the wedding for her, the time is too short for her recovery. I wouldn't want to disturb her recuperation and healing process with long distance travel to here. Good God! I miss you baby. What are you doing now? Why are you dipping from me?