The Sums of Us

Song of Achilles

(HERO)

A great big bang and dinosaurs
Fiery raining meteors
It all ends unfortunately
But you're gonna live forever in me
I'll guarantee, just wait and see
Parts of me were made by you
And planets keep their distance too
The moon's got a grip on the sea
And you're gonna live forever in me
I guarantee, it's your destiny
Life is full of sweet mistakes
And love's an honest one to make
Time leaves no fruit on the tree
But you're gonna live forever in me
I guarantee, it's just meant to be

(You're Gonna Live Forever in Me, John Mayer)
~

"Why didn't you answer you damn phone?" Haskell eyes on me blazing with anger. He laid down on the hospital bed. Somebody made him wore the hideous hospital's gown and his face was paler than I ever saw him before.

"Ran out of battery.. forgot to charge.." I was stammering. Shit! I got to ask him, not him to me. Alex was outside, still fuming at me for failure to answer my phone for days.

"You look like shit, FT." Haskell scoffed.

"Yeah? You look like shit too!" I retorted. He laughed.

"If you answered your bloody phone, you would have spared yourselves these few days shits, you know what I mean?"

"No. Nobody can spare me anything. Not even a fucking phone call." I answered back wearily. The burden of these few days alone in Cornwall took its tolls on me. I had a day left and I needed to be in Paris on 17th. Fuck! I didn't feel like working. What more with Haskell like this now. Fuck, I can't make it to Paris on 17th. Haskell looked at me with his dull eyes, gone were his piercing china blue and now all I could see was just a pair of murky blue eyes, dull and glazed. What the fuck was wrong with him? "What happened to you?" I eyed him suspiciously. He sighed and leaned his back on the bed. I quickly came near and put up the pillows behind him to support his back.

"Cheers.." he mumbled. He was gaunt and I noticed a lot of wires attached to his chest, like those people with heart problem had. I perched on his bed facing him. I arrived at the hospital before lunch time and visiting hours. They made me waited hours for him until just now. Almost seven in the evening. His manager told me they conducted series of test on him. What the hell?

"What is wrong with you, Haskell?" I asked again, softer this time with worries on my face.

"Everything is wrong with you yet to come here to bark on me and ask me what is wrong with me?" He laughed again. He annoyed me now.

"Nothing is going to be right anymore in my life, Haskell, so don't mind me. We are talking about you. You collapsed this morning. What the fuck happened?"

"You are right..nothing is right in your life anymore since you lost her. Just like me, innit?" I stared into his dull eyes. All the feeling of lost, emptiness, hopelessness and the finality that I was finished rushed back into my mind and my system making me choked with sadness. Fuck! Fuck! Not now, Hero. Not fucking now. Haskell is far more worse than you.

"Forget about me, mate. I'm finish. Now we talk about you. You don't get to avoid me, twat. Tell me.."

"Would you do it differently if you are able to?"

"What?"

"I'm asking, will you do it differently with her if she is still there for you?" I looked away and trying my best to stop my impending tears. Fuck Haskell. Not now.

"I would do it right this time if I ever have the chance to turn back time, but we don't. Do we? Life is about going on.." I answered him with my choking voice. My tears slid on my cheek which I quickly wiped away. Fuck!