The Sums of Us

Our Language of Vodka and Whiskey

(JOSEPHINE)

How can you see into my eyes, like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

(Bring Me to Life, Evanescence)

Milan, September 2025 - that painful September in my life

"I'm not going to let you destroy yourselves! It's enough that I lost Vincent. I'm not going to lose you next. No matter how much I hate you!" I shouted as loud as I could.

"I wish God took me rather than him. If I could exchange place with Haskell, I would. God should have taken me instead of him. That way, you'll not be like this. You'll be happier and not hurting like this." I slapped him on his face. As hard as I could. He looked at me with sadness, anger and regret. I could read it clearly on his face, but not a single trace of malice.

"You should be thankful you are alive rather than dead." I shouted. My tears blinded my sight. I brushed it angrily.

"It will be a relieve for both of us if I'm dead. It's a price I'm willing to pay for destroying you." He said as loud as I did. His eyes wild but glassy, like a pixelated glass.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I screamed at the top of my lung, ousting the pain started to creep in me when my mind conjured up image of him who slept in the casket. "You are alive. You should stay alive, damn you! I need you alive. I need you alive and breathing, you bastard!" I shouted like I lost my mind. I was angry with the way he thought. Did he thought I would be dancing if he's dead? Fucking stupid!

He looked at me with his heavy breathing and bloodshot eyes. In a matter of seconds, he pushed me on the bed and silenced me by pressing his lips to mine. Hard. I fought and pushed him but he hold on to my wrist and kept on marauding my lips. "Faulkner!!" I protested but the moment I opened my mouth, his tongue slipped inside and aggressively assaulting my mouth. The familiarity and warm of his tongue made my body screamed with recognition and longing. Fuck!!

He licked my tongue making my body whimpered from the familiarity and the warmth starting to seep through the system. On impulse as old as times itself, I wrestled his tongue back and we were fighting ferociously to gain domination on each other's mouth. He cunningly took my tongue inside his mouth and sucked on it hungrily. He let my tongue go only to stroke his tongue around it and back to suck on it in his mouth. Holy Lord of heaven and earth, I swore his kisses left me wanting more. My mind was mushy and it forgot entirely on its fight to remind my heart. I grabbed his throat sensing my oxygen ran out as he deliriously keeping my tongue in his warm mouth and sucking at it crazily. I moaned from the short of breath.

He stopped abruptly, perhaps realizing what he had done to me and to us, but I was too far gone by now. The released he gave made me inhaled fresh new air before I licked on his tongue, tasting the texture with my tongue and greedily sucking at it as savagely as I could. My hands grabbing his head and clutching on his soft brown lock. He hesitated for few second before he groaned loudly and reciprocate my action by sucking back on my tongue. He caressed my inside hungrily and drank our saliva shamelessly. His sturdy tongue licking mine repeatedly until my whole body became weak and I moaned like a bitch.