The Sums of Us

Reunion

(JOSEPHINE)

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

(Creep, Radiohead)

York, July 2023

The last two days in Paris saw me debating with myself about contacting Mercy. What if she was in London? It was summer break for Lord's sake and new term started in September. What if she was with him and Her Royal Highness? I refused to ask help from Alex. He chose side when he and him spent time with Kat without telling me about it. I could do this by myself. I would walk up to her classes or lecturer hall if I needed to, if not for the summer break.

I decided to call her. Considered it as my kamikaze plan. If she was not in York, I could just talk with her on the phone. I want to know how she was doing now. York or no York. She picked up on the second ring. She didn't had my new numbers. Luckily I always had her numbers.

"Hello.." she used her stern voice to unknown numbers. I was thankful she answered the call. There were people who ignored unknown numbers. People like me.

"Hi Mercy." My breathing even, my voice quivered a bit but I didn't hesitate. Please remember me, Merc. She was silenced for seconds too long.

"Jo?" Her voice thick and I can hear her breathing heavily. I close my eyes and tears slipped through my eyelids. She remembered me!

"Yes. This is her." She laughed shrilly. I nodded my head as if she could see me. I wiped my tears off my face.

"Jo. You are really there. Jo!" Her voice changed into realization. As if she just realized she wore her bathroom slippers rather than her sneakers to go to the garden in winter.

"Are you in Amalfi?" My impatience was evidenced. Please dear Lord, let her be in York. Please, have mercy on me.

"What?" She sounded perplexed. Dammit Jo!

"Sorry, I mean are you in London?" I cursed myself with the slip. You better be careful with your damn Her Royal Highness, Jo. She's not stupid. She's Brits for Lord's sake and sarcasm is her everyday phrases. Watch out your bloody mouth, Jo. I rolled my eyes.

"What?"

"Where are you? Now?"

"Seriously Jo. You are asking me where am I just like that? Just like you want to stop by to pass my things I left at your house? Just like that, innit?" In a matter of seconds her perplexed voice turned into sneering and the Mercy I knew so well crept in. "For fuck's sake, you never answered my calls, my texts and you blocked me and changed your numbers and still blocked me. You asked me where am I now? When you came all the time to London but never bother to call or contact me but you went out with Alex all the times. All the times! You are out of your mind, Josephine. Fucking shits, Jo!" This was another things for me to endure to be with her.

The way she cursed, the way she said my name, the way she expressed her anger and not to imagine her intense emerald green eyes, her pouty lips and her angry face, all were the exact carbon copy of him. How could they not? They were used to be my two peas in a pod. Long before he died. I wiped my tears. Dammit Jo. Stop it. You decided to do this. Now you have to be cool enough to do this, all right? I nodded.