The Sums of Us

Inseparable

I want to know every part of you, every scar,
every bruise,
I want to trace the map of you, my fingers a compass,
your freckles the constellations which in my heart I will chart so when I close my eyes
I'll have you in my stars forever.

(Atticus)

London, November 2019

So many things happened in a span of a month, but nothing to compare to November 2019. I had been in loved with Hero for what seemed like more than a year although we were opened about the affection on his birthday a year ago. Yep, he kissed me for the first time as Hero to Jo on his twenty first birthday in our home last year. Sorry, I meant, in my LA home.

From then on, we had a tumultuous relationship building from affection, adoration to sensual, then to romantic, trust, loyalty, honesty, intimacy and love. Yep, love. I loved him with all my heart. I had follow my adult plan in having a relationship. Trust, responsible, careful planning on sexual relationship, communication in relationship and love, so much love. He ticked all the boxes in my check lists. I followed all the steps until I ran out of steps and started walking on an unfamiliar territory with him. Yet I marched through with him, pushing the boundaries I had never cross before.

Opening up on our intimacy, being comfortable with my body and his, enjoying our sexual life together, submitting myself to safe contraceptive method, letting him inside my life as he slowly letting me in as well, albeit painstakingly slow he was, introducing him to my circle of friend and letting him knew my family and eventually letting him knew I was ready for him to meet my family. I was his, as he was mine. We were one and nothing could come between us, except death. I knew! I knew I was being hopelessly romantic now but I can't help it. I am Leo and will always be Leo at heart. It was quite hard and choosy for us to love and trust somebody, but once we do, it will be for a lifetime (well, if we are that lucky), or at least it will be for a long time. Unquestionably devoted, loyally bound, unselfishly loving our significant others and devastatingly mad in love. That, was me.

However, his birthday this year was different. Diesel passed away a day before his birthday rendered his birthday meaningless. He was in London and I was in LA. I had a lot of auditions to attend and possibilities of having new jobs on the horizon soon. My manager told me the production houses would get back at us in the middle week of November, if I got the parts. I was home most of the time, if not going out with those girls from Moxie. Until he asked me to go to London.

I immediately say yes. No hesitation, no qualms and no second thoughts. Yes. It will always be yes with him. I missed him to the brink of being hurtful, I needed him at the stage of addiction and I wanted him as bad as I wanted to wake up from sleep everyday.  Yeah, that bad. Hence, when he asked me, I gave him my yes. I didn't care anymore. All I knew was, I needed to be with him. I wanted to be with him. I didn't give a damn anymore about anything else.

I arrived in London on 13th of November, Wednesday morning with unbearable coldness to compare with LA. Perth was not even in the league. He wanted to pick me up at the airport but I was scared if Heathrow was as swarmed in with paps as LAX was, so I put my foot down insisting to use the public transport thus avoiding suspicious from anybody. He was adamant for me to use the taxi from Heathrow straight to the address he gave me. Again, I stubbornly refused because Google told me it would take one hour journey. Meanwhile, it would only take me 15 minutes to travel from Heathrow to Paddington Station in London by using Heathrow Express Train. So I decided to use it.

I was with my usual black attires, no make up, my white Nike Air Force 1 and black beanie with thick jacket. I brought a small black backpack with me and one standard black luggage. He was worried sick if I got lost in between but I reminded him how good I was with Google. It was agreed he would waited for me in Paddington Station and he was not happy about it. I was so sick of missing him at this point and I slept in his room almost every night since Mia went back to Perth. That was how bad I missed him. However small fights over silly things like these made my heart grew fonder. It was another proof, no matter how moody he was as a bloody Scorpio, he would always bowed down to my Leo's stubbornness. He would be this softie when he was with me and I could imagine his pouting and later his laughs when I called him out for being moody bloke. Lord, I missed him.