At Your Service (BWWM)

Chapter 32

 "You're an idiot, you know that?"

I leaned back looking at the crappy space that I called my apartment. The kitchen, living room and bed room shared one space with a small bathroom. Its depressing monotonous grey décor reflected how I felt at the moment in time, I guessed that was why I chose it.

"So I've heard," I replied as threw the last bit of the chocolate bar into my mouth, the wrapper joining the other ten on the floor.

"You can't seriously be giving up this easy. I mean yes you fucked up the mission and got yourself kicked off the island but there is someone here that needs your help..." Felly gritted out and I grabbed another bar only to freeze at her next words. "Jovaughn she hasn't been seen in a week. Thelma is the only one Nicalus is trusting around her. Something is not right and I don't know what it is—"

"I am suspended Felicia. Anymore fuck ups and I lose my job," I stated bluntly, biting into the bar. "It has been two weeks...If she wanted help, if she even cared about me, she would've tried to contact me or send a message through you. She is getting what she wants from Nicalus, she will marry him and I do not matter."

My words were said steadily but my tone was hurt, clipped and rough. Fel was silent on the other line and I rolled my eyes at the words she sprouted next.

"Everything is not as black and white and you know this. Would you really sit back and allow her to suffer just because she never confirmed her affection for you? I thought you loved her, Jovaughn!"

"What's me loving her got to do with this, Fel? Obviously, it means nothing."

By now, my appetite was gone and I grabbed the wrappers, heading to my kitchen.

"If you really loved her you would help her and not be wallowing in self-pity..."

"Felicia, my advice to you is to focus on your job and leave Ms. Ryder and her choices to herself. I have to go now, stay safe and call me if there are any emergencies."

"Jov—" Beep.

She didn't have the right to go off on me like that. I have spent the last two weeks battling with myself, re-evaluating my life choices and trying to see how I had even thought that Dyan and I had a chance.

I fucked up my life pining over her. I lost my lead on Nicalus and put Fel in a tighter pinch while doing so. Nicalus had his place under a tighter ship, and was warier of everyone around him. Fel had not been able to make any progress since my deportment and it was my fault.

Had I just kept my dick in my pants, none of this would be happening...

"You are suspended until further notice," Laura stated as she eyed me, disappointedly.

We were at HQ in her office. The large windows basked the room in light, dancing across the pissed off woman behind the mahogany desk.

"You will hand in your weapon and badge upon your departure. There will be someone waiting to take you to your residential building where you will book a room and stay under a week of mandatory surveillance while imparting your knowledge on Agent Roman, who will take over your case."

She squeezed the Anger Control ball, eying me and I was sure she was imaging it was my neck. I nodded in response to her instructions, after all, this was mercy compared to what I could get. This was not my first nor second nor third strike and soon, the bureau would get tired of me.

"You are dismissed."

"Yes, chief," I said as I stood, taking my travel bag from the floor.