ricky and nini's realizations

chapter 76

nini's pov

i enter the theater room a little later than i usually would because i took a different route in the halls having had walked with greyson to his locker in the other direction. i reach the theater door. just as i had put my hand on the door handle, i stop in my tracks seeing ricky's book bag propped up against the wall just outside of the theater. my face reads confusion even though i'm not expressing emotion to any but myself. i very hesitantly pull open the door not expecting anything to come of seeing his back just pure confusion. i step into the silent theater relieved that i'm alone. i start walking to my spot in the dim corner i've been using, but before i make it there ricky comes around one of the props in the back. "ricky?" i ask not understanding why he would ever be in here. nonetheless behind a theater prop in complete darkness. he stops walking. his mouth gapes open some while his eyes flick to around him bringing his mouth to a close when he meets my eyes again tightly pressing his lips together in frustration for a split second. "what are you doing in here?" i ask unable to figure this out on my own. "uhm," he clears his throat. i drop my bag to the ground waiting for the answer free of any anger or resentment towards him unlike last night. i just don't know what happening is all. he sympathetically tilts his head to the side giving me sorry eyes, "i've uh," he looks around trying to get out of having this conversation, i can tell. we're only standing a few good feet apart, so despite the dimly lit room, i can clearly read him. "have you been in here everyday?" i ask taken aback as i physically take an actual small step back. "nini," he says sadly carefully approaching me. "i needed to see you somehow," he confesses desperately saying the word somehow. i'm not happy about this, but i can't be upset with him because i know exactly what he means. i've needed to see him too. except i haven't been able to like he has apparently. "ricky that's-," "not okay. i know," he says so honestly truly conveying that he is guilty about it. silence surrounds us and it's my turn to say something. "i'm not mad," flies out of my mouth speaking it slowly. he doesn't say anything. just nods his head twice. the second nod slower than the first. "how come you were on your way out?" i ask him thinking about his coming towards the door i was walking into. "i just thought that you weren't coming. you've been getting here before the bell everyday," he sheepishly tells me rubbing his hand on his neck then waving to the spot i sit at. he's really missed me then. my heart hurts knowing that now. not that i had much doubt before, but this really shows me that he's missing me like i'm missing him. so he must want to be with me, still, right? "you've really been here everyday?" i confirm out loud speaking in a questioning way with my voice. "pretty much," with a shrug of his shoulders. i feel like our conversation is done now. he's not speaking and i don't know where to take this. i reach down for my bag to dart somewhere else in the school, but before i even touch it ricky interrupts, "please," he catches my attention with the urgency in his voice. i stand back up disregarding my bag. "please don't shut me out anymore," he walks closer to me nervously. i stay put letting him get as close or as far as he wants to. little does he know i'm not purposely giving him the silent treatment in the way of punishing him. i hope that's not what he thinks. i keep pushing him away because i can't bare the heartbreak when he close to me, looking at me, not saying the one thing i need to hear. this is what's best for my wellbeing. i can't find the right words, so i minimally shake my head no. "don't do that nini," he says in a complete 180 from his previously delicate way speaking to a now annoyed and frustrated tone with somewhat of a raise in volume. my eyebrows furrow on their own account. "stop pushing me away. i seriously can't take it anymore. i won't let you. okay? you're done ignoring me," i can see that he's about to say more, but this is a different part of ricky i'm not used to. "i told you last night ricky. i can't do this. it hurts too much and-," "you think i'm not hurting too?!," he frustratingly grunts clearing his throat, "i'm dying here. you won't even look at me. do you understand how bad that hurts? do know how much it hurts to think of you every single second and have everything remind me of you, but you won't give me a second of your time?!" he's right. i finally take in his appearance for the first time. his curls are a mess as if he just rolled out of bed and made them even worse by ruffling them on purpose. his eyes look so incredibly tired making me worry that he might not be sleeping at night. they're bloodshot and drained underneath. his whole body looks unsteady as he's expressing himself and his irritability at everything happening between us. he's yelling at me, but not yelling at me. yet, my eyes fill with tears anyway. none of them spill because nows not the time. "i don't acknowledge what he just said because, like ricky, i'm good at running from what scares me. and this right here, is scaring me. not him though. i'm scared of the intensity of this conversation right now. we're both hurting each other and i don't want to further it. i bring up something i think will allow me to escape him for now as messed up as it is. "people have already asked if we broke up, and it feels like it ricky," i say with a desperation sound in my voice, "this sucks and maybe we have," i say referring to maybe we have broken up. that's exactly what this pain feels like. "no! we never said those words," he says this the most angry he's sounded so far. his anger isn't directed towards me. his anger spurring from his intense emotions and extreme frustration at the state of our relationship right now. i can sense his anger radiating off of his body from our closeness. i don't know when it happened, but we're just mere inches apart from each other. my arms crossed as a form of protecting myself from his words that convey his hurt from me. each of us hurting because of the other. and his hands going from his sides to his hair in anxiousness. "ricky," i carefully and gently say while dropping my arms to my sides. "no," he says shaking his head as if he assumes what i'm about to say is detrimental, "no," he repeats in a sadder sound, "we have never said break up. i know right now is bad, but we are NOT breaking up nini," he says progressively getting more frantic. he smashes his lips into mine aggressively completely catching me off guard. i automatically give in because he consumes me every time we're like this and i can't control myself just like he can't either. he catches and releases my lips purposefully being the one with the control while not letting me have any. every emotion is channeled into this and neither of us are making a move to stop it. he starts pushing against my front with force causing my feet to instinctively step back to balance myself, but he continues to do it. i start walking backwards with ricky up against my front and hands securely on my hips until my back hits the door. ricky collides up against me at the sudden stop leaving up presses tightly together. i need a breath of air soon, but he's not letting up. it takes a lot of effort on my part to detach my lips from his, but i'm able to do it audibly gasping for air loudly. ricky must've been fine on oxygen because he goes right to my jaw. my chest is rising and falling heavily matching his. his hands roughly move from my hips to the arch of my back pressing me impossibly harder against him. our hips unintentionally rub against each other each time one of us makes a new movement. he sloppily kisses my jaw then does something new to the both of us as he bites my ear lobe. it was somehow a really good feeling that each of us needed in some way or another and both of us liked it. my hand leaves his chest to slide up to his hair where i accidentally pull hard due to my surprise at a bite to my skin just below my ear. in response, my back arches impossibly harder into him tightly fisting his hair hard eliciting a groan from him. his hands slide down my body going down the arch of my back, then the curve of my butt, "ricky," i all but moan becoming more alert of his hands taking my attention away from what his mouth is doing, and continuing down the back of my thighs. he stops at my thighs and pulls me up off of the ground. he lifts me up where my legs are now tightly wrapped around his comforting body. he's lifted up me so much that his head is tilted up to connect our lips while mine is fallen forward with my arms wrapped around the tops of his shoulders. i take advantage of him extending his neck up to me to slide one of my arms free to rub my hand down his neck lightly. my hand fully encases his neck without applying any pressure completely obsessed with the intoxicating feeling his neck can provide me. my hand slides up and down a time or two enjoying the feeling under my hand. his kisses are starting to slow taking away the aggressiveness, but the assertiveness he holds remains over me. our kisses turn more sensual as his tongue licks across the entirety of my lower lip slowly entering my mouth feeling every little thing he does. i remove my whole hand from his neck gliding my pointer finger down his stretched out throat going until i reach the collar of his shirt to then wrap my hand around his neck again. from where my finger stopped, i slide my whole hand up until i reach his jawline. his hands grip my thighs almost painfully in response to my action that i was totally consumed with. he doesn't disconnect our lips as he starts walking us somewhere. he carries me to a counter attached to the wall and softly sets me on top of it. i keep my legs tightly latched around his waist hugging him against me. when i thought we were starting to slow down, something takes over ricky as his aggression comes back like a switch. he pulls the same move as the night before tilting my head back exposing my entire neck by pulling the underside of my hair and this brings me to the same level of the mentality ricky's on. "babe," i absentmindedly gasp as i harshly dig my nails into his biceps i'm gripping onto for leverage. his mouth sucks hard over and over again on my neck moving lower each time all the while i'm uncontrollably breathing. the silence of the huge theater makes our breathing sound that much louder to ourselves. my hands have a mind of their own as they decide to explore forgetting about his muscles. i reach for the end of his shirt in between our waists. my hands slide up underneath it once i've found it sliding them up his sculpted stomach hearing a moan come out of him making me want to do it more. my hands feel all the way up to his chest then using my nails to glide all the way back down to the waistline of his jeans. "shit, nins," he growls out forcing my head upright again by pushing against the back of my head where his hand has fisted my hair. our lips are touching, but we're only breathing against each other. after i realize neither of us are making a move, i drop my forehead against his. a position we haven't been in for a while and it feels intimate in the best way. my hands haven't moved from the top of his jeans this whole time and when he turns his head just enough to connect our lips into a soft kiss my hands go back up to his abs letting his shirt bunch up on top of my wrists. it's a sweet kiss that brings us both back to reality. i spread my fingers out leaving my hands sprawled out against his skin to cover as much area as i can while stroking my thumbs back and forth. his hands begin a similar, comforting pattern too by rubbing up and down my thighs all the way from my knees to the bend at my hips from the sitting position i'm in. our kisses stay slow this time. he separates us as he bends his head down, "nins." "hm," i hum. "no more shutting me out," he speaks almost to a whisper. i pull back from him knowing that i can't agree to that with where we're at. i slip my hands free from under his shirt, but his hands only hold me firmer at the bend of my legs at my hips causing his fingers to curve around the sides of my butt and his thumbs close to a certain somewhere. when his eyes turn worried, i grab his face in my hands not having anything to say just yet. he looks up at me expectantly since i'm slightly taller while sitting on whatever it is he set me on. he broadens his chest making him appear taller and i follow his changes straightening my back. "baby," he begs looking right into my eyes. i uncross my legs from his waist letting them hang by his sides, but thankfully he stays close right where he is leaving the fronts of our waists connected. i bite down until my lip slides out from my teeth while also sliding my hands from his cheeks down to his neck and back up while i think. he patiently, but anxiously holds the eye contact we have yet to break.

looong chapter :)