ricky and nini's realizations

chapter 19

ricky's pov

there's tons of cars filling the street in front of the house. i get more anxious as ej and i get closer to the house. i don't know what to expect or if i'll drink or not. we enter the house with dimmed lights and loud music. i stick with ej as he walks to the kitchen and fist bumps some of his friends. he grabs a solo cup and begins to fill it with who knows what from the counter. "you want some ricky?" one of the guys asks me. i really want to give in because everyone is drinking, but i don't allow myself to with nini somewhere. i don't wanna do something stupid. "no thanks," is all i say to him. the guy shrugs his shoulders and continues talking to his friends. we move into the living room of the house where i finally see nini and greyson. all they're doing is standing and talking. i would expect greyson to drink like everyone else to be honest. they're both just laughing with each other and she seems really happy. i can't help myself from staring. it's like i have to keep my eyes on her. i bounce in and out of the conversation with ej and the other guys. i look in the direction of where i expect to see nini, but she isn't there anymore.

nini's pov

considering i'm one of the few people that are sober here, i'm actually really enjoying myself with greyson. as were talking, he tells me he's gonna go use the restroom. i didn't wanna be left standing alone awkwardly, so i follow him to the bathroom. i'm waiting outside of the bathroom leaned up against the wall. as i'm waiting on him i walk around the corner and just look around at some of the pictures in the house to pass the short minutes he'll be in the bathroom. for the most part it's quiet despite the music coming from downstairs in the background. i feel a hand on my side and gasp from not knowing anyone else was around. everything happens so fast and this guy i've never seen before shoves me into the wall while pinning me against it so i can't move. i have never ever been so terrified. "what's a pretty girl like you doing up here alone?" he says as he stares at my lips speaking slowly. i can smell the beer in his breath. my whole body is shaking and fear clouds everything that's happening, "i-i'm not alone," i pause taking shallow, quick breaths, "my friend is with me." he pretends to look around, "really? because i don't see anyone," he says as his voice grows deeper. he uses one hand to pin one of my own down by my side to the wall, while his other hand holds my hip, "doesnt seem like your friend realizes that you're gone," he finishes with a smirk. at this point, tears are streaming on at a time down my face uncontrollably. his free hand releases its strong grip from my hip and slowly moves up under my shirt. i can barely form any words, "get off," i say as it comes out like a tiny whine. he pulls his hand out from under my shirt. just when i think he might get off of me. he uses the force of his body to hold by body in place and uses that same hand to stroke my inner thigh. freaking me out more than i already was. i try my best to use my free hand to shove him off of me, but it's truly no use. he's way to strong for me to even get him to budge. i start to freeze. i don't have a way to get out of this situation and i'm completely mortified by this guy.

ricky's pov

after a couple minutes, i see greyson come around the corner. no nini though. i get up when we make eye contact to approach him, "i thought nini was with you?" i say to him. he looks confused, "yeah she was. she was waiting for me outside of the bathroom, but wasn't there when i came out." "well where the hell is she then greyson!" a couple girls look at me that were sitting on a couch beside where were standing. i lower my voice, "where'd she go?" i ask him. he replies scratching the bad of his neck, "i don't think she would've gone anywhere. she was gonna stay with me the whole night and said she was gonna wait for me outside of the bathroom. i'm just as confused ricky." i march up the stairs to look for her. i don't see her at first until i go around the corner of the bathroom. i've felt anger before, but i have never felt the rage that rushed through my body at the sight i didn't expect in the slightest. i lunge forward with every bit of force i have in me and pull a guy off of nini. i moved so quickly i didn't have time to look at nini.

general pov

ricky rips the guy off me nini and tackles him to the ground. ricky is straddling him as he throws punch after punch. both ricky and nini's minds are fuzzy partly from adrenaline and fear. ej comes up the stairs, "yo ricky, why'd you run off-" he stops and takes in the scene, "what the fuck!" nini slides down the wall hugging herself the second he is off of her. ej rushes over to ricky to try and pull him off. but ricky's high emotions don't allow him to. ej quickly caught on to what must have happened, "ricky! you have to stop!" he yells while locking arms with ricky from behind. "get off of me!" he yells to ej while trying to pound into the guy more. ej successfully gets ricky off by using every bit of strength me could. the guy is left on the floor practically not moving because of ricky. ej talks more calmly from behind ricky still holding him back, "dude it's okay. i'll get him out of here. just help her," those were the words ricky needed to hear. ej slowly releases his grip from ricky not knowing it he would go back to attacking that guy. but ricky rushes to nini as fast as he can.

nini's pov

i feel hands touch my knees and i flinch so hard i didn't expect myself to do that. the hands come off of me right away, "it's just me," i look up and see ricky's face through my blurry eyes. he wears the most worried expression i've ever seen on him. i lean forward fast for him to engulf me in a tight hug. i clench onto him so hard. balling up his hoodie into one of my hands scared that he might let go. he's holding me so tight as we stay sitting on the floor, "nins you're shaking really bad. you're okay" his observation is all it takes for me to let out a sob i didn't know i was holding in. i feel the heat radiating off of his body in this moment. when i finally feel safe, i hear ricky start to speak softly as he leans back to take in my appearance, "nini! breathe. take deep breaths," he tells me. that's when i realize that i couldn't breathe. he holds my hand in his and runs his fingers through my hair to get it off of my face, despite how angry he was seconds ago. i feel what i assume are my lungs caving in. i'm taking sharp deep breaths to fill my lungs, but i physically can't. i'm squeezing ricky's hand so hard at this point.

ricky's pov

"nini look at me. please," i plead with her. i can see the fear in her eyes in this moment. i wipe tears from her face, but they don't stop flowing. she locks eyes with me bringing our hands closer to her chest, "ricky i can't catch my breath," she tells me with one gasp of air. "you're having a panic attack. just try to slow your breaths. it's okay. i'm right here," i don't honestly know how to make her feel better right now. i can't believe this is real life right now or how she must be feeling. and i don't even want my mind to let me wonder about what happened before i came upstairs. when i tell her she's having a panic attack, that just scares her more. her shallow breaths pick up.  she cries even harder, which makes it even more difficult to breathe.

general pov

ricky moves from in front of nini to behind her as soon as he sees her squeeze her eyes shut. ricky slides himself between the wall and nini. so that now she is leaned up against him. he keeps ahold of her hand. "nini please. please just try to take slow deep breaths. everything is okay now. only think about your breathing." he breathes with her, so she can match his breaths. nini feels his chest rising and falling slowly against her back. it feels so calming and safe to her. after minutes of this she finally slows her breathing. she doesn't even feel like she's crying anymore, despite the tears falling from her face that say otherwise. all she feels is numb. ricky can feel her breathing at a regular pattern now relieving him of some worry. "nini? are you okay?" she doesn't respond. this prompts him to move in front of her again. she doesn't let go of her death grip on ricky's hand. she stares at the floor unable to come up with any thoughts. scaring the hell out of ricky when he comes face to face with her again. he looks into her eyes waiting for any kind of reaction from her, but nothing comes. it's like she's frozen. "nini. please look at me," but she doesn't. she's too overcome with the events of this party. he looks longingly into her eyes. eventually deciding to put his hand on her cheek to lift her eyes to meet his. "nins?" her face is wiped of any possible emotion, "i wanna leave," she whispers out.