ricky and nini's realizations

chapter 21

ricky's pov

i wake up to the sun shining into my room straight into my eyes. i look down and see nini holding onto me in her sleep reminding me of the events of last night. i notice my hand is still being held in hers close to her chest. i don't dare wake her up, so i just lay with her as i wait for her to wake up. the feeling of her in my arms leaves me to only think of her while she sleeps. i can't reach my phone to check the time, but it feels like it's been a long time laying here. she starts to squirm slightly in her sleep. she slowly opens her eyes snuggling her head into my side. "hey," i quietly say to her. she sits up slowly and gives me a small smile. i sit up just after her, "wanna go downstairs for breakfast?" i ask her gently. she nods saying, "mhmm," lightly. she lets go of my hand for the first time and moves off of the bed. i follow her down the stairs and into the kitchen, "we can do waffles, toast, eggs-" she stops me and just says, "waffles is fine." i just nod. i know she's fragile right now, so i just want to act as normal as possible while still making her comfortable. i hear my dad thud into the kitchen, "oh hey nini! didn't know you'd be here." nini works up her best smile to give him as a response. i turn around so fast to give my dad a specific look trying to tell him to stop talking while shaking my head no at him. he just turns his head and lifts his hands at me in confusion. nini can't see either of our actions. "okay kids. well i'm heading to work," and with that he turns around to go to the front door. nini doesn't say anything the whole time until i hand her a small stack of waffles on a plate, "thank you." i sit down next to her and start eating. it's so silent that i feel awkward, but i don't wanna bother her all in the same. at one point i see her glance up looking directly at my knuckles, which bothers me like crazy. i know she blames herself, even though this is anything but her fault. she looks back down to her food to continue eating though.

nini's pov

after breakfast, ricky and i ended up sitting on his couch watching a movie. i sat in the corner of the couch to lay my head on the side of it comfortably while curling up against myself tightly. ricky lays down sprawled out covering the rest of the couch. i can tell he purposely leaves some room between the two of us. all day we kinda just moped around not saying a whole lot to one another. during the second movie, i drift off asleep. sleep seems to be the only thing that gets my mind off of everything. considering that i can't even pay attention to the movies while i'm in my head about things. i wake up after who knows how long and don't see ricky next to me anymore. my heart stops and i look around the room. he's not in here. i stand up as my eyes start to glass over. i feel my heart beating fast as i run up the stairs to go to his room. i fling his door open to see him closing his dresser drawer. i stop to stand at the opening of his door and put one of my hands on my face trying to hold back tears. he turns to me with a face full of worry, "hey hey, what's the matter?" he asks me tenderly as he walks to me quickly putting his hands on my arms. "i woke up and you weren't there," i tell him trying not to sound pathetic but fail anyway. he dips his head down to look at me, "everything's okay. i was just gonna take a shower while you were sleeping." "i slide out of his soft grasp to wipe my face, "i'm sorry," i say with a lump in my throat. "nins, do not apologize ever. you're safe. i'm not going anywhere. let's just go back downstairs. okay?" he pauses between each sentence ensuring that i hear every word he says. i know he's right, but i'm just not okay from last night. i wish i could say that i was, but that was the scariest thing that's happened to me. from what actually happened to me, to seeing ricky in that way, when i couldn't physically breathe because i couldn't handle what was happening in the moment. i look up to ricky letting out a breath, "i think i'm just gonna go home." he looks kind of surprised, "um oh-okay. i'll walk you," he tells me ending with a smile. i just nod my head not really looking at him. part of me feels numb trying to erase my memories of last night. but another part of me wants to cry and never stop. i respond, "okay. i just gotta grab something." he nods his head. i walk into the bathroom where i left my clothes last night and take them with me as we go out the door. at the end of ricky's driveway i open the lid to his trash can and drop all of my clothing i wore at the party. i don't want them anymore. i see ricky looking at me after i turn back to him in the direction of my house. he doesn't say anything, so i think he understands why i wanted to do that.

general pov

ricky and nini walk down the sidewalk without any conversation. she stays close to his side purposely as they walk to provide herself some comfort before she's alone again at home. they reach her house after a few minutes. "thanks ricky... for everything," she tells him when they reach her front porch, "see you monday." nini wants to leave the conversation at that because her emotions are what you could say unstable right now. she reaches for her front door handle to go inside. ricky stops her though. he softly grabs her wrist to pull it back to him. he didn't want to grab her too fast to scare her. she just looks up to his tall figure questionably. "are you okay being home alone nins?" "ricky i'm fine," she says pulling away. they stand facing one another after nini places herself apart from him by a few inches. he doesn't accept that answer knowing that it's a lie. he stares at her until she talks again with his eyebrows raised. nini takes in a deep breath, "okay i know i'm not okay. but i just. i don't know okay? i seriously don't know what i'm feeling. i just don't wanna think about what happened ever. i'm so sorry that you had to- like had to take care of it? i guess," tears start to form in her eyes again, "i'm so grateful for you ricky and all that you did for me. you made me feel so safe and i needed you. but i think i just want to be alone. not that being alone is gonna go all that great for me considering i got scared when you weren't there on the couch this morning," she says letting out a small laugh, "but i promise i'm okay." ricky listens to her every word. this prompts him to step forward pulling her into a tight hug, "i'm just happy you're okay now. you have no idea how worried i was," he tells her in their hug. their friendship isn't always this affectionate, but after the night they had, it doesn't matter. all the two of them care about is making sure the other is okay right now.