sister of the wolf | s. snape

twenty-nine | marked

Severus' POV

He had taken a notice to the boy that Elise had been spending increasingly more time with the past few weeks. It had been agonizingly distracting from his duties to the Dark Lord.

Just hang on until the year ends, he kept telling himself. Then you never have to see her again. Maybe then you won't think about her so often.

Maybe then you won't love her anymore.

Severus' chest ached at the thought and he gripped his quill tightly, catching the attention of Mulciber.

"You alright, mate?" He questioned.

"Fine." Severus snapped, not taking his eyes off his assignment before him.

"If you can't handle school along with your other responsibilities -"

"I said I'm fine." He growled, narrowing his eyes at his friend.

Mulciber rolled his eyes and sighed, before speaking in just below a whisper. "It happens soon... The marks."

Goosebumps prickled on Severus' skin. Soon, it would be permanently etched into his flesh. A 'Dark Mark' as You-Know-Who was calling it. A way to call his followers to him whenever he wished. A way for Severus to always remember who he served for life.

"I know." He responded quietly.

The two sat in silence for the rest of class as his mind wandered to why he was even doing this.

It wasn't necessarily that he believed in a 'superior' blood status. At least not anymore. He did once as a child, before he met Lily and certainly before he met Elise. But it wasn't how he thought these days and wasn't why he wanted to pledge himself to the darkest wizard known to man.

The bell rang and he gathered his things, heading towards the Great Hall for lunch. His brain was still hazy with thought until he heard her laugh.

Elise walked merely ten feet before him, between Willow and that boy.

Sure, Willow had been an amusing girl, but something about the way Elise's eyes were aimed up to the tall Hufflepuff boy beside her with a large smile on her face told him that it wasn't Willow that made the joke.

Severus' chest tightened at the sight.

He knew he had no right to be jealous... to be angry. He was the one who betrayed Elise. The one who hurt her to the point where this was the first time he'd witnessed her smile with his own eyes since last year.

But he was pissed, anyways. That was the girl whom he loved so deeply that it nearly frightened him. And here was this ignorant boy bringing joy to her when Severus so desperately wished he could.

It wasn't until Elise turned her head and met his eyes that his inner rage subsided. His thoughts of how many ways he could hex the boy beside her immediately diminished as he got a glimpse into her hazel eyes. Until the familiar flicker of pain crossed them and she turned quickly back around.

It felt like whiplash. Feeling the anger and jealously turn into peacefulness when he met her gaze. Then the usual pang of guilt and sadness return to him when he saw the pain cross her expression. He'd felt such a longing to grab her, hold her, give up everything he'd wanted to do just to make her happy again.

He sighed as he reached his seat beside Malfoy at the Slytherin table.

"Tomorrow." Malfoy said simply, not even looking at him.

Severus gaped at him in silence for a moment before replying. "Tomorrow?!"

"Yes." Malfoy confirmed, giving his friend a grim but certain expression. "In the Forbidden Forest at midnight."

And with that, Severus gave a slow nod and the rest of the Slytherins around them who knew what tomorrow would bring ate in silence. If they even had the stomach to eat at all.

Of course they all wanted this, but the fear they felt whenever they were in the presence of the Dark Lord was heavy on their minds. The thought that one wrong move or choice of words and he'd slaughter you on the spot was daunting, of course. And tomorrow they would be going to be permanently marked by such a horrifying man. Attached to him forever.

Severus could not eat a crumb of food. Between the important day he had ahead of him and Elise's laugh carrying over the noise of the Great Hall, he simply had no appetite.

He gazed at her from beneath the curtain of his black hair and for just a moment... he questioned his choice.

Until the scene repeated in his mind of the pain he caused her earlier just by making eye contact. No, she would never forgive him anyway. Never trust him again. Even if he refused to follow the Dark Lord any further.

Of course, if he did that, he'd probably be murdered anyway. Either by the Lord himself or his own friends in Slytherin house.

He'd made his choice already, whether he had already begun to regret it or not. There was no going back from it now. He was in far too deep. It was too late for him.

And that thought replayed in his mind that following night as he mindlessly walked through the cold blackness of the forest.

It's too late for me.

He could hear the faint hushed voices ahead.

It's too late for me.

He entered the clearing in which his fellow Death Eaters stood and was greeted by Voldemort himself.

It's too late for me.

The Dark Lord grabbed his left arm, pushing up the sleeve of his robes roughly. The tip of his wand pushed into his skin and soon the burning pain spread from his forearm and across his entire body. The sensation caused darkness to encircle his vision, but Severus used all of his strength to remain standing. Remain conscious. After what felt like an eternity, the Dark Lord pulled away and moved onto the next teenager.

As Severus gazed down at the inked serpent emerging from a skull's mouth on his skin, the thought crossed his mind once more.

It is too late for me.