playing chess with your best friends ghost by candlelight

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Chess. 

A complicated game, until you get the hang of it. 

I still don't, but you. You were always so good at it. Knew all the tricks, all the ways you could win. There was never once a game where I'd beat you, unless of course you'd let me.

All those games. You were going to do something. Be something. You were going to win so many more games, live so many more years, love for longer. Breathe for longer.

But I wanted to win for once. I wanted to win so bad. It wasn't fair. Everyone always praised you, for everything. While me, I was forgotten, alone, lost. You were always the special one, the one they all loved. You were always better.

You see I tell myself I didn't mean to push you that hard, that I didn't mean for you to fall for so long. But in truth that day I wanted you to die, to be gone forever. I was just angry. So angry, and so jealous. And so you fell, after one of our many games of chess. Off the beautiful little balcony we would often sit on.

I told everyone you fell, slipped. And sometimes I  believe that lie myself. I know you do, I know the truth is far harder a concept for you to grasp.

So we both sit, and stare at each other. My breath fanning out in cold mist, while yours... Nothing. We were just children when you died, but how we've both grown. You're so beautiful. I just know if you were still alive you'd have hundreds of suitors. I finger my engagement ring, maybe even him? How many years we both have sat here, playing chess.

We're here, and we play. But it's not the same. It's not.

I move a piece.

Checkmate.

This is the first time I've won. And I smile. But you don't. I laugh. But there's tears in your eyes. I stand and ask what's wrong, but you recoil away from me. As if I'm some sort of monster. And it's then when it dawns on me. You remember.

You look at me. Eyes I'm so used to being filled with love now full of disgust. The most innocent face now tainted with hurt and hate. You reach for me, coming so fast I almost scream, but just before you can hurt me, you disappear.

Even in death you're good. Even when I've taken everything from you, you're kind. The pureness I had always hated about you now the only thing that saved me from a fate like yours. I hate how perfect you are, even now.

I won the game of chess, I won everything, I am everything you used to be and more. But I don't feel good, I don't feel the way I always thought I would.

So still I sit and I wait. Every day. Ready for the next game. Because I miss my best friend.

But you never come again.


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