His Dark Obsession

Chapter 24: Self-Reproach

Ian was looking over some files when the phone on his desk rang and his secretary informed him that Mabel West had arrived.
"Send her right in." Ian said into the speaker phone. He began to assemble all the paperwork on his desk and stack it up in a neat pile on one side of it.
Seconds later, Ian's office door opened with sheer enthusiasm and in walked Mabel, in a black pantsuit with lustrous shoulder-length grey hair, gelled back. A perfect picture of a modern woman--emanating authority, grace and beauty.
"Ian!" She immediately came to him, both her arms wide open, ready to wrap him in a warm hug.
Ian stood up smiling; a smile that was both genuine and sincere. He hugged her and received a kiss from her on his cheek.
"Ian, how is it that you look even more handsome than before?" Mabel claimed in genuine excitement.
Ian smiled a little and returned the compliment. "And how is it that you appear more youthful?"
"Oh my, aren't you gallant!" She said, as she rubbed his shoulder with her hand.
"Have a seat, Mabel."
"Yes, thank you." Saying so she made herself comfortable on an off-white sectional on the right to Ian's desk.
"Ian, I love your office. In fact, I love the building! Such a prime location and fabulous views of the city!"
"Thank you, if you come stand by this window you can see the Empire State Building."
Mabel went to a window facing the west side and located it straight away, "Oh! There it is! Ian this is a stunning space, I tell you!"
"Yes, we were very lucky to get it for a good price. The owner was in need of quick cash so he bumped a few millions off the asking price!"
"You own this place?" Mabel asked fascinated.
"The company does." Ian replied straight-faced.
"Ian, you are the company!"
"Well, in that case, I'll say I own most of it."
"You hold 80% stakes in the company."
"And the other 20% belong to Jake!"
"Jake! Ian you still haven't introduced me to this friend of yours! And Tara!"
Ian tried his best to evade the discussion, "She's with him, Mabel. There's nothing to discuss there."
Mabel read Ian's expressions and knew something was not quite the same, "Ian, am I missing something?"
"No!"
"That's too strong a 'no' to there be nothing to discuss!"
"Wouldn't you rather talk about our business proposal first?"
"Ian, I want to know what's on your mind before we start discussing business."
Ian knew that Mabel was a friend he could confide in and he really did need advice where Tara was concerned. "Well, Tara and I, we have been friendlier of late."
"How did that come about?"
"Fate. It likes playing games with me."
"Elaborate."
"We seem to be thrown into different situations together. And I am honestly telling you that none of it is my doing...And, because of that, we have become more fimiliar with each other. Last night, she asked if we might become friends."
Mabel listened to him and then inquired, "Weren't you going to let Jake know about your feelings?"
"When I got back to New York they had moved in together!"
"That must have been awful to find out, Ian."
"It didn't feel great."
"Now what?"
"Now...I don't know." After a considerable pause he said, "I want to stay away from her. I think it's for the best."
"You could be friends."
"No, I dont think we can be that."
"Ian, sweety, you can't tell her how you feel and you are tormenting. Maybe you need to go out on dates, finding another woman might make you get over her faster."
"Yes, I think I should try that. Now, since we have discussed my lovelife or the lack thereof, at considerable length, should I bring the team in to go over the campaign in detail? I think they must be a nervous wreck because of all the delay we have caused!"
"Yes, you may ask them to come in but you know I am entirely at your mercy. Whatever campaign you come up with, I think I'll absolutely be on-board with it."
"Mabel, I know you will go back and forth on each point with me!" Ian gave her a devilish smirk.
She gave him a sly smile. "Oh, my dear boy! You know me so well!"
The meeting finished two hours later with Mabel signing a one year contract with Blaine Advertising and then asking Ian out for dinner.
"I would love to Mabel but I have some work I need to finish. I won't head back until 8!"
"Ian, why do you work so goddamn hard?"
"I don't know any other way."
"Live a little, you are in your prime and you work yourself to the bone! Go out, meet people, travel! Carpe diem, Ian!"
He smiled at her. "I like the sound of everything you have just told me!"
"Don't just like the sound of it, do it!"
She kissed his cheek again and bid him farewell, making him promise to meet her at lunch the following day.
Ian drowned himself in work after Mabel left. He remained in his office well after all the staff had gone, oblivious to the late hour the clock was displaying. He had stacks of paperwork to go through but he had only one thought on his mind--Tara.
In the yellow light (the only light) being cast by a bulb in his office, he thought about her. About her poised beauty the first time he had laid eyes on her, about her shy demeanor the first time she said something to him outside the bar. About her friendly manner when she had come to the office with lunch for Jake, then he thought about her sexy red dress and how breathtaking she looked in it. He thought about her in his car, with him, asking to be his friend...he didn't want to think anything beyond that, because beyond that would just make him hard with a need that was beyond him to control, because beyond that was seething anger he felt at himself, because past everything was that early morning hour; the one time he had allowed himself to break his (till that point, meticulous) self-control.
She could make him do anything. If only she knew of the power she had over him. This obsession was becoming an entity in itself. What had happened could only have happened if he had allowed for this, this fervor delirium to take over him completely, only that would have blurred the lines, only that. He never wanted to say anything to her, especially now. He wanted to stay away, far away. Whatever she had in her mind for the two of them was never going to be an option for him. He must, always, stay away.