The Kaden Complex

25

When Kaden woke up, it was some time in the early morning. When he checked his phone he found that it was 3:57 am and that no messages were awaiting him from his loved ones. No one had checked in to make sure he had arrived safely to hometown or even just to say hi and the group chat he had with Alex and Jason was silent.

Though he felt groggy and had earlier made a silent promise to himself to stay in bed until he rotted, Kaden threw his covers back and stretched. He reflexively looked left and right for his crutches before remembering that he had left them in Jason's room in his haste to leave. So, he got up and limped towards his bathroom.

The coral colours of his ensuite bathroom welcomed him inside and he looked at his reflection in the mirror that hung above his basin and marble countertops. His hollow-looking eyes were still puffy and pink and his sunken cheeks made him look as if he was halfway to death. His long, wavy, blond hair was a mess and his lips were chapped with dehydration.

The way he looked nearly brought him to tears.

And he would've cried once more if his body still had enough water left to produce more tears. The raw feeling in his throat that came after crying oneself to sleep was persistent and he bothered him. But what bothered him most all was the itching in his fingertips.

(TW!)

He knew that itch because he and the feeling were already well acquainted. He spent a long time denying and resisting it, but suddenly he felt helpless against it.

It was the feeling to run a cool, smooth blade against his skin.

He knew he shouldn't- because he had a consciousness and went to therapy from time to time again- but today the feeling was just too overwhelming.

His hands went down to the third shelf underneath his basin and his fingers ran along the roof of it. Muscle memory guided them to the place where his blade was taped, hidden so that no one, especially the housekeepers that cleaned his room, could find it.

When he freed it, he brought it to his eyesight and fiddled with it in his hands. The silver metal gleamed in the moonlight that beamed through the blinds of the bathroom window.

Kaden lifted his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror. His toned abs had mostly disappeared due to his lack of daily soccer training and left a plain, flat stomach that he hated for some unknown reason.

He decided here, by his rib cage would be a fitting place. A place where no one would see. Normally the girls he had sex with were too captured by what he was doing to them, his face or his abs to notice the cluster of slightly raised scars on the sides of his chest. He liked it that way though. That way there were no questions or judgements and everyone continued to see Kaden the way he wanted them to- like a funny, happy-go-lucky guy who likes to party.

He took a deep breath in and pressed the blade against his skin.

This is what you get, Kaden Aldridge. And this is what you deserve.