She's The Lone Wolf

~14~

a/n

Hey lovelies, I decided to do a double update this week as my lame apology for sucking at updating. She's not too long, and don't worry I still have a chapter lined up for next week that I'm excited about. Thanks so much for all the support and messages you guys have been sending me, I love you guys. Make sure to comment your thoughts, favorite the chapters, and keep reading!!

xoxo, EA

Amaris

I toss and turn in my bed faced with the option of going to sleep and waking up in a mad fire again or staying awake and suffering from exhaustion. Neither sound good and I find myself in a mix of both. Finally, I give up on finding  a comfortable position on the bed and lay on my back looking at the ceiling. How did I get here? Why am I still here? I know the daunting answer. Anton. Another in-between I struggle with, stay and leave. Still I find myself in the uncomfortable position of a mix of both, staying at the pack house but longing not to be here. I sigh and sit up from the bed tossing my heavy head into my hands. Nothing seems right and everything seems confusing. I'm about to toss my covers off and retreat to the floor to sleep for a sense of home when the tingling starts. It feels small at first but grows into a painful burn.

"Please not again," I beg my body, but she doesn't listen, only intensifies the feeling. I don't know how much longer I can take this but with Anton refusing the rejection I don't have an option. I moan in pain as the burn spreads and I feel myself beginning to lose control again. Tears prick my eyes as I beg it to stop. I remember the past night and bolt to the bathroom. I turn on the cold shower water and run beneath it. It soothes the heat but not enough to be satisfying. I let out a loud growl in pain as I sit on the floor, wishing it to be over and hoping the next few nights won't be like this. 

Anton

I can't fall asleep, as I turn over in my bed I feel cold like something is missing, and I know it is my wolf missing Amaris. I was taken back this evening when she asked for me to reject her, but half of me agreed. It was the logical thing to do. I don't want her and she doesn't want me. But the selfish half wants to hold on, an arms length away but close enough to have her scent of vanilla and wildflowers fill the halls of the house, close enough to know she's not in any danger, to see her shadow pass by me only for a moment, just enough so my wolf doesn't stir.  It's ridiculous and she's right, it's cruel, to make her sit through the pain, but I can't help it. I should let her go home or I should be a mate. I want neither but am unfairly balancing both.

A yelp from the other side of the house pulls me from my thoughts and I dart out of bed towards Amaris. Her scent fills the house so that any unmated male will come rushing to her aid, I groan at my internal jealousy. I quickly mind link my night guards to only post mated wolves at the house for the time being and to let anyone who is unmated stay at the empty cabins by the training grounds. When I reach the door I can hear the shower running. Going into the room is not a good idea as soon as I see her my wolf will go into a complete frenzy and all I will want is what I don't want, but I don't see an alternative. I lightly knock on the door before entering and head to the bathroom where I can hear a fit of sobs mixed with growls, I try to control myself as the scent gets stronger along with my unwanted desire. My wolf paces annoyingly in my head feeling horrible that I'm to blame.  When I enter the bathroom Amaris is sitting in cold water on the floor fully dressed alone. Her arms are squeezing her body together in a ball and she is shaking furiously. Part of me wishes that I had been asleep and one of the girls could have comforted her, but the better part knows it wouldn't have mattered. As much as I dislike it I am the only one who can calm her down in this state.

"Amaris," I whisper but she can't hear me. I open the glass shower door and shake her. Touching her skin ignites sparks between us that I can't shake. My want for her is getting to be too overpowering and I hold back a deep growl. "Amaris please look at me." I demand trying to gain control of the situation again. She pulls her head from between her arms, and I see how desperate and exhausted she looks. "I'm going to turn the water off now," I tell her gently, not breaking away from her eyes, which go panicked. 

"Please don't,'' she cries. "It burns." My chest aches to see her like this, and at the same time part of me wants to nod and leave her be in the cold water, let her be alone and in pain and not deal with the situation. The other part of me wants to rip off her clothes and end her pain for good. But again, neither are an option and I'm stuck between both.

"It's okay, it's going to be fine,'' I tell her, and partly myself, as I cut the water. She lets out a scream, probably waking the rest of the house. I bend down to meet her face, she looks scared and I sigh knowing what I have to do and knowing that I'm not going to like it...and that I'm going to like it too much. I scoop her wet body into my arms bridal style and curl her into my chest so she doesn't have to support her head. I pause to even my breath in order to control myself while the sparks fly up my torso. She wraps her tired arms around my neck and I walk to her door. In the hall I see all three girls and Vance racing toward the room. They stop when they see me.

"Is everything okay?" Emi looks panicked at us.

"Everything looks okay," Monday smirks at me and I give her a low growl to remind her of her place. She keeps quiet but the smirk doesn't fade as easily.

"Do you need us to help with anything?" Laura asks.

"Could you grab her some dry clothes and bring them to my room?" Laura nods and leaves to fetch something that might fit Amaris.

"Oh, to your room?" Monday wiggles her eyebrows at me. I'm not in the mood for jokes. I let out another growl but this time more powerful, less of a warning. 

"Learn your place, Monday." I speak in an Alpha tone letting the waves of power bounce off of me. Something I never use with my second and third in command but tonight is not the time and Monday should know that.

"Sorry Alpha," she bows her head. I walk away from the group and back towards my room. Amaris has fallen asleep in my arms, her eyebrows still scrunched together and I feel slightly at ease. Laura comes in a few minutes later with a large top, and sweat shorts.

"I'm gonna grab some water,'' I sigh, needing to get away from the heat's pull, setting Amaris on the bed. "Do you mind changing her clothes while I'm gone?" I would do it myself but the gentleman in me knows it's wrong and the logical part of me knows that if I see her without clothes in heat I'll be done for.

"Not at all, Anton," Laura gives me a sweet and sympathetic smile. As she crosses to Amaris I head out of the room.

When I get back Amaris is fully dressed and Laura is stroking Amaris's hair trying to calm her fidgeting body.

" She's still asleep but she got a little restless while you were out." I nod and excuse Laura with a grateful smile. I look down at my mate who seems anything but peaceful as she sleeps. I turn to my closet and pull out a new shirt since my other got rather wet carrying Amaris. After, I sit down on the bed next to my mate unsure of what exactly I should do.

"Just lay with her," My wolf creeps into my head. I sigh knowing he's right. Laying with her will calm her down enough that her heat won't be as painful but I don't think I should be this close to her in my own state. I groan and curse at myself that I ever went out into the woods in the first getting into this mess. I lift Amaris's body up and into my arms as I sit up on the bed. I lean my back against the wooden headboard and pull Amaris into my arms. I don't trust myself to lay down with her completely so I just sit with her tucked like a baby. I stroke her hair and she seems to relax as she grasps at my shirt and takes in my scent. I hate to admit how wonderful it feels to have her so close to me and need me, even if it's just for tonight. That's all this will be for, tonight.

Throughout the rest of the night Amaris sleeps peacefully and I drift off here and there, but not enough to fully emerge myself in sleep. When morning light breaks through the windows she doesn't even stir. I'd hate to wake her after last night, so I pull another selfless card from the deck and cancel my meetings for the day. I kicked myself for it, but she asked me for a way out yesterday that I didn't take, now I'll just have to deal with the consequences.