Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru [DISCONTINUED]

96: What Is Your Life?

♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪

"I just realized something," Sekido whispers, "I realized why I've allowed myself to live this long as a demon."

Kyojuro hums, "And what is the reason?"

"I realized that I'm searching." Sekido rolls on the floor to lay on his back, "I'm searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have no fucking idea what that is."

Kyojuro impulsively wanted to ask what Sekido was talking about, but Sekido just answered that question.

"That's..." Kyojuro sighs, "That's rough, buddy."

Shinjuro watches Kyojuro and Sekido in disappointment. They were laying on the floor in your room.

Shinjuro shakes his head before he walks away from the room: "(L/n)'s been gone for 10 minutes. Pull yourselves together."

——

You weren't doing any better though.

You were sitting on the carpet floor in your own room, eating Rocky Road ice cream straight out the tub.

Your siblings and father were sitting on the floor with you.

Worried.

And they should be, you haven't stopped crying for even a second.

"And it's just the fact that I fucked up! Again! And it's this one! It's this experience that fucked me up hard!" You wipe your nose and sniff, "The fragility of life just sucker punched me in the fucking face!"

You toss the ice cream to Kika in favor of hiding your sobbing face.

"This—horrible feeling of knowing someone, only to lose them so fast! It was so sudden! And I was so unprepared! And I feel so horrible and so powerless!"

Your family didn't know what to say. Admittedly, you dealt with the death of your mother all on your own.

It's not like you mourned her death or anything, but it was the psychological weight of ending someone's life so abruptly.

"And I know it's selfish and wrong to think this way, but the reason I came back was to run away from that life!" You lean backwards to lay down then roll over to cry into your carpet, "Because if I was here, then Gerik didn't really die! If I was here, then Gerik really was just a fictional character and his death didn't mean anything!"

Your dad is texting a friend of yours to come over at 2am in an emergency as you cry.

"I-I know it's bad! But if I'm here, and not there, then I didn't really kill someone! And they're not real and I didn't do anything bad!"

"I feel like this guilt is eating its way out from the inside! And it hurts so much!! And it's killing me!!! And it hurts to breathe!!!!"

"(Y/n)!" Your dad-who was sitting on your left-pulls you to sit up, "None of this is your fault! You are not God: you can't save everyone's life just because you know how they end!"

"But I-"

"-Pero que nada! You're just a kid, (Y/n)! You're not responsible for anyone's life but your own!" Your dad pulls down his sleeve to his jacket to hold it in his palm to wipe your face, "I know you feel like you have to deal with this alone, but you don't! You have us! You have your friends from that manga or anime or whatever!"