Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru [DISCONTINUED]

104: The Filler

A/N: Is this a filler chapter? Yes!

John Mulaney: New In Town (on Netflix)

♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪

You walk onto the stage, already you feel the demon's overwhelming presence within the crowd. You can't find Iguro or Hariko anywhere.

You take the guitar and put the strap over your shoulders, putting your hands in positions over the neck of the guitar before you remember something else.

You let the guitar hang off your neck and shoulders and lean into the mic.

"Before I begin," Your voice was louder than you expected so you lean away and talk a bit quieter, "I'd like to perform a mic check. If your name is Michael, please stand up."

There was a quiet murmur traveling in the room before at least 4 men stood up.

"Sit back down please," You smile, "And that concludes the Mike check."

...

...

Only a fEW CHUCKLES?!

"Geez, tough crowd, huh?" You laugh nervously, "Last time I was in a room was this dead, I was at my mom's funeral."

...

...

"It's okay, you can laugh."

And immediately the room explodes with euphoria.

You'd call them assholes but yeah it was pretty funny.

You roll your eyes and softly play a few cords, using your thumb rather than the pic that was provided.

"So uh, how are you guys? Well, I'm doing well myself. Not too long ago, I turned 17 years old and I was very excited about that. Because I was hoping by now that I would look older but that didn't happen," You ramble.

More laughter.

No...

No, surely it can't be this easy...

"I don't look older, I just look worse. Honestly, when I'm walking down the street, no one's ever like, 'Hey, look at that woman!' I think they're just like 'Whoa! That tall child looks terrible!'"

You had to stop yourself from gawking in amazement when there was more laughter.

Could I really just... recite an entire John Mulaney bit?

"'Get some rest, tall child! You can't keep burning the candle at both ends!' You ever seen like-missing posters and they age the photo of someone if they've been gone for a while?" Your grin widens when some people laugh at that, "Just take my photo when I was 6 and yellow the teeth and put bags under the eyes and be like 'This is what she would look like now.'"

It surely can't be this easy.

You wonder how you can change a few words to fit the mold, but ultimately decide to just improvise on the way of the sketch you've had memorized since forever.

——

"Before she bit the dust, my mom was a lawyer, but she was a different kind of lawyer with me when I was a kid. She would just make wild accusations all day long and wait for something to stick," You rub the back of your neck as you wait for the laughter to die down, "My mom would blame me for things that happened on the other side of the world. It's true."

"I woke up one morning-when I was a kid-and my mom was standing over my bed and said, 'I just heard that Prince Komatsu Akihito has died in Japan!'-" Your tone turns defensive and a bit louder to be heard over the laughter, "-Like I had something to do with it! I was like, 'Mom, I have been here all night. You can feel the covers on my bed, they are warm.' Luckily, I had a good alibi since I was in Arizona and 9."