Heartbreak Journey

Controlled Chaos

Ri Jeong Hyeok

I really want to smack my own head after my weird actions. Really, what do you expect, Ri Jeong Hyeok?

I am still sitting at 7H after the sleeping beauty calm protestation. She doesn't say anything to me beyond that, falling asleep not even five minutes after the plane take off. I wait until the fasten your seat belt sign is off then carefully move back to my own seat. But not before telling the flight attendant to bring her tea later on, once she's awake.

I feel exhausted myself but I find my mind reliving my encounter with her. The first thing that crossed my mind watching her sleeping in my seat was strangely the quote from Salvador Dali.

"When we are asleep in this world, we are awake in another."

She was asleep but didn't seem deep enough. Her face looked troubled, her shoulder tense and her hands joined together as if she's afraid to let go. As the quote says, maybe she's awake in another reality. A not so good reality. And boy, could I relate to that. One of the thing I am most grateful for these last 2 months is I have time to sleep. I suppose lack of sleep and being a doctor come hand in hand, but with all that happened with Seo Dan and Gu Seung Jun, even when I sleep I still feel restless.

I've been calling her for more than 5 minutes with no result. But, of course, in that short time, I'd notice that she's a looker. I'm heartbroken, not blind.

At last she heard it and opened one eye.  How come such meaningless act looked so cute? When she opened both of her eyes, she looked at me for a bit before responding. I feel like such a jerk to wake her up like that. If you look closely, she looked so exhausted.

After telling her that she actually sat on my seat, I reconsidered and gave her my suggestion to just switch seat but she already walked toward her designated seat which was... just in front of me.

"I'm just right here."

I actually didn't hear what she said prior because she smiled again. Her eyes twinkled and it's just not possible not to smile back. We're looking at each other for a split second before we're seated.

At least I think so.

It really feels like my surrounding moving in slow motion and freezing her smile to my mind. If not my heart.

I roll my eyes, laughing at myself. Never once in the last two months, I feel such a pull. At least not enough to distract me from feeling pity for myself or from thinking about Seo Dan. During my two months trip to Bali and Sydney, of course I met few women. Even trying to go on a date with one of them. It didn't end well you could imagine, I cancelled it at last seconds. I sent her a text in front of the date venue. Why? Because the date was an impulsive decision after receiving call from Gu Seung Jun. I didn't think I was in the right state of mind even for a fun harmless date.

So the way I am feeling right now, it really is a good sign. Still, I doubt I will act on it. I have just got my closure with Seo Dan, let's just take it easy. I have to agree with my eyes though, she's very beautiful. I'm still amaze by the way she could look at me defiantly for answering for her but then look at the flight attendant with kind eyes. I kept looking at her at that time until she returned my stare quizzically as if asking: what's up weirdo?

The strangest part, I really couldn't believe that I asked if I could be seated next to her. I don't know what makes me do it, but even I realize that I overstep an imaginary line.

Her giving to me straight after was also very refreshing. Not many women do that. She looked so annoyed with me, well, who doesn't?

I sigh deeply. It's probably better if I sleep now before I wake her up again.