Heartbreak Journey

First Step

Yoon Se Ri

When I was a kid, one of the most awaited event of the year was the field trip. Remember your feeling the night before any field trip? You are full of excitement, you can't wait for tomorrow to come, you can't sleep only tossing and turning until you force yourself to sleep.

That's me. At the moment. It's already past midnight here in Auckland and I can't find any sleep. I keep checking my backpack afraid I miss something for the big day tomorrow.

Yeay, I am going to Waiheke Island. It's one of the must visit place in Northern New Zealand. Oh, who am I kidding? That's not what makes me excited.

I was still deciding my destination for today when Ri Jeong Hyeok greeted me. Charming as ever, Dr. Ri as usual captivated me with his eyes. The way he still looked like a model when he only dressed in black t-shirt and short cargo pants was really beyond me. Just like on the plane, or in the airport, I knew he could sense my hesitation when I just shrugged not answering his question about my destination.

Meeting him today – wait, it was yesterday – was unexpected. I mean... I didn't know where he was staying so I thought the chance of meeting him again anywhere in this city was pretty low. The fact that we did? It was already felt more than coincidence. But the timing? Oh my god. Something like this only ever happened in books or movies. Think about Serendipity. It was too good to be true. If it was not God giving me signal to move on then I didn't know what that was.

Couple it with the fact that he read my books. And loved them. It was a lot of signs. Right? I really held myself back from hugging him when he said he loved how the author told the stories. He said that not knowing that he was talking to the author. For me, it was the best compliment.

I know in this strange game we play I am the one who hold back so much from him. He knows nothing about me. No name, no background, nothing. While I suspect everything he tells me about him is real. That doesn't mean we're more than strangers who meet on vacation. Which makes me wonder how we both can make such strong impressions on each other.

What draws me to him - aside from the obvious - is his attentive manner and his kindness. It's in the way he casually took my laptop satchel on our way to the library, it's in the way he listened every words when I chatted whatever in my mind, it's in the way his eyes never blinked whenever I was around.

The realization that I am drawn to him still won't change the fact that I'm scared shitless. The way he then led the way by telling me where he would go was much appreciated. I was not stupid. I knew that was an invitation to spend time together. The second time he asked me. Just like with the manuscript draft, I just needed to take the first step towards this healing program my heart has enrolled in. So that's what I did.

But... baby steps.

***

I fall asleep eventually around 1 AM and thankfully wake up at my usual waking hour. I try not to think too much about what to wear, how I should put on my make up, yeah, things like that. But I end up doing it all. I keep changing my outfit until I give up and settle on a BTS t-shirt and a pair of training. A stylish one of course. I put my last touch to my make up, a light brush of strawberry lip balm.

I collect my backpack, consider bringing my laptop but eventually decide to bring the iPad. Initially, I plan to go somewhere to write. Maybe stopping at a park somewhere to get the mood. Park is one of my go to places to write. But now that I go with Ri Jeong Hyeok, I don't know if I can still write today.

I don't want to break the habit. These days, I consistently write something everyday even if it's just a couple sentences. At this point, what I write is more like several short stories than a novel. It's different than what I'm used to but it's refreshing and I love it. Maybe my next book will be an anthology. We'll see.