Heartbreak Journey

Breakthrough

Yoon Se Ri

One of the fear for every writer is losing their ability to put the jumbled words in their mind into a more structured script. No matter what you do, the words seem far away. That fear engulfed me for the last three months. I haven't written anything since... that time.

Break up - many people said - is a source of inspiration for writers. Well, that notion could just go out the window, it's not applicable to me. Ever since my first book near 6 years ago, I'm most inspired when I'm happy. And to some degree, in love. I don't want to admit it, but my ex - sadly - plays a significant role to my success over the years. He gave me sense of being loved, though in retrospect I didn't know whether all he said was real or just lies he fed me.

I decide to depart on this journey not only to allow myself to heal from the heartbreak but also to regain my mojo. The way I've been imagining my book hero and his story on the plane, that's definitely a start. To get it back – albeit just a small fraction of it – in this short of time, is nothing short of miracle. I don't need to think too deeply for this sudden flow of inspiration. A certain handsome someone with deep voices, soft stares and dimples – don't get me started on his dimples – pops out of my mind.

I know, I'm too preoccupied with his voices – oh my god, the way he said I needed to smile more – that I haven't even said anything about his dimples. Maybe because you need to get him to laugh to get the dimples shown as oppose to just asking questions to hear his voice.

Alas, this lawyer modeled before him keeps shouting in my head to get me to write his stories.

By the time I arrive at the apartment, I am a ball of nerves. I can't wait to get my hand on my laptop. Words are swirling in my head and I need to write them down. I feel like I wanna cry. This is such a big breakthrough for me.

Without even freshen up, I unpack my laptop and set it up on the working desk at the corner. I don't even take time to appraise my apartment. I can do any other things later on.

But not this. I need to do this before the words escape me again.

***

I stretch out my body from the position I am in the last... 3 hours. What? I've been writing for 3 hours? I check my word counts and stare at the monitor in disbelief. Four thousand words in three hours. Wow, even I surprise myself. Normally, in my good day I could write around a thousand words in an hour. This is good, right? At least I know now that I don't need my ex to be able to write again. Everything else doesn't matter.

I stop writing and throw myself on the bed. I'm drained but satisfied. My stomach growls a very ugly sound reminding me I haven't eaten anything after breakfast. Thinking about breakfast makes me think again about Ri Jeong Hyeok and his advance. I really, really, really want to say yes. I mean... where's the harm, right? But I guess... I just need more time.

I turn around in bed, staring at the ceiling. I did this a lot in my apartment back in Seoul. Blankly staring, emptying my thought, and numbing my feeling. Looking back this past three months, I don't think I've got chances to properly grieve. Of the loss of my relationships, because I lost a lot. Not only the romantic one, but also one of most important relationship in my life. My sister.

We don't have the best relationship. I was my father's daughter from his mistress. So, she's my stepsister. And although I arrived in the family since birth, we weren't close growing up. I never know why. She always keep her distance, probably to mind her mother's feeling. But if I could have some semblance of relationship with my stepmother, why couldn't we? Despite all that, I still love her.

If I think about it now, she was the one who introduced me to Cha Sang Woo. He was her... best friend. My sister and I had better relationship because of that. It was not strange that sometime she would tag along on my date. Oh my god, did she like my ex from the beginning? Ah, what's the point. The fact is he cheated on me with her. Is he finally realized that it isn't me he loves but my sister? After ten long years? Such a waste of time.