Author's Note: I write in Microsoft word where it lets you cross a line through words and so just pretend it's crossed out when you see ---(example)---
---Dear Draco,---
Harry crumbles the parchment and starts fresh. Dear seems too personal.
Draco,
---I miss you.---
---No, I don't.---
---Yes, I do.---
It's been over a month since that night.
---I can't stop thinking about you. You're all I ever think about.--- My mind is at war with itself. It's like I'm two different people who continuously want different things. I'm being pulled in different directions, and I'm being stretched too thin.
I'm drowning Draco. I'm drowning in my own head, and I keep pulling you down with me. I keep hurting you. I can't keep hurting you anymore.
---That's why I decided to send you a letter because--- I know that if I spoke to you, my walls would crumble and I'd be too weak. I'd pull you back in, and I'd hurt you again. I'd forget again. It's inevitable. And you would pay the price.
I can't keep breaking your heart. I'm worried that one day you won't be able to patch it back up, and it will just be broken. I would never be able to forgive myself.
Did you know eventually I won't remember you at all? I won't even remember my own name. Maybe that will be easier. Maybe then I can start over.
Perhaps it is selfish. I don't know. Am I being selfish?
Is it selfish to want you? And then the next minute not?
I'm so confused. I can't discern my feelings, and it's only causing you pain. Sometimes my mind screams no, sometimes yes. Sometimes my heart squeezes when you're near, and butterflies fill my stomach. Other times my stomach turns, and I feel sick.
So, I'm going to leave you alone now. I'm going to stop torturing you, stop messing with you, stop playing with your heart and mind like toys. It will be easier this way. Less messy. Less painful.
No matter how much I remember, I'm still doomed to forget. Nothing is going to stop my mind from destroying itself. I just hope to see you happy before I lose myself completely. It's just easier that way for both of us. I tried to pull away from you in the past, and none of it worked out. But this time, I'm serious. I can't keep doing this to you.
Goodbye Draco. ---I love---
-H
Harry's eyes blur with tears as he looks down at the parchment. He lets it dry quickly before tucking it in his hidden spot where he keeps other letters. He isn't going to send it just yet.
Draco had sent him a letter, and Harry has reread it so many times that the words are memorized. Yet as his eyes unfocus and as his head pounds, he starts to worry. What if he forgets again? At least it will be easier because it's on paper. That kind of proof is hard to deny.
Harry is always worried about forgetting things. Lately, it's all he does. His life is just one big headache. His grades are dropping because he can't even remember to do his homework. He's dizzy all the time, and sometimes he can't even finish sentences because he'll forget what-
Harry squeezes his fists together.
He's been putting off going to see Madame Pomfrey because he knows that if he goes, he will be forced to see how badly it's really gotten. He will probably be sent to St. Mungos. He's surprised they haven't already tried to send him there.
YOU ARE READING
Lost Memories // Drarry
Fanfiction"You're such a prick! I knew you hadn't really changed. You're just back to your old ways, torturing me." Harry can still feel Draco's hand around his arm. Their breath mingles as Harry's eyes rove around Malfoy's face. "You probably enjoy it too." ...
