The morning Sirius and Lily were meant to go shopping for a birthday gift for Minnie, James cornered Sirius in the hallway of their flat.
"Oi, I need you to do me a favor."
Sirius raised his eyebrow. "Prongs, if it's to try to tone myself down so that Lilith is able to resist my magnificent, glorious self - you'll have to understand that I simply cannot turn all of this -" he waved his palms up and down the length of his torso, "- off. It's a deeply attractive animal magnetism that calls people of every gender to knock-knock-knock upon my door... I can't control it. I've tried, and it is just simply not possi--"
"Will you shut up? Blimey, you do talk a lot of hippogriff shit don't you?" James rolled his eyes.
Sirius grinned.
"Look, listen, be serious a -- no don't make the joke, alright? Be serious a second. Seriously."
"I'll - do - my - best," Sirius said slowly, trying to suppress himself, poorly.
James said, "Try to figure out what sort of -- of things Evans would like."
"Things?" Sirius's eyes twinkled.
"Stop - serious, remember? ...and yes, things. You know. For the house."
"Things for the house."
"Furniture and such."
"I have an idea, why don't you tell her about the house and let her furnish it with you?" Sirius asked.
"It's going to be a surprise," James replied. "But it has to be perfect."
Sirius sighed, "You know whatever you put in there, Lilith is going to adore it anyway. You could fill the place with rocks and she would say it was the merriest little place ever there was."
"Please?"
"Chairs made from thorny vines so that they went pricking you in the arse every time you settled yourself onto a surface," Sirius continued. "Lilith would find it charming."
"Sirius..."
"The floor, it could be molten lava, so that you needed to perform acrobatic feats each time you moved from one surface to the next - fly upon a trapeze to cross the living-dining room - and she would oooh and ahhh at the creativity of your brain...."
"Will you please just --"
"Or even - Merlin's nuts save us now - WICKER FURNITURE."
James stared at Sirius.
Sirius shuddered. "Wicker furniture, Prongs. Even that most terrible, horrid abhorrent affront to the art of furniture making... Lilith would still love it. Because you gave it to her."
"Are you finished?"
"Yes. I suppose I am."
"Good."
Sirius said, "You'll owe me for this."
"You're going shopping anyway, you're not stepping a toe out of line of what you'd be doing anyway. You're just reporting back to me," James argued.
Sirius sighed as though James was taxing him a very great deal. "Prongsy," he said, "I'll be made to look at CURTAINS."
Sirius kept his mission discreet, as requested -- for exactly five minutes.
"What do you think about these?" he asked, half wrapping himself in a display of full-length curtains on a display in the shop they'd gone into. He coiled the fabric around himself as he spun. "Are they fabulous?"
Lily laughed, "As what? A gown? Sure."
"No, Lilith, not as a gown," Sirius rolled his eyes and untangled himself, tripping on his boots and nearly ripping down the display as he staggered out from the fabric. Lily laughed and Sirius gave the curtains the finger, then turned back to her. "As curtains."
"I dunno, they're curtains." Lily shrugged.
"But do you think they're nice?" Sirius pressed.
Lily raised an eyebrow, "I dunno. Why do you care about curtains all of a sudden?"
Sirius shrugged. "Just because. You know. They're... there."
"Uh huh. Are you getting Professor McGonagall a nice set of drapes, then?"
"Bugger no," Sirius answered, "I'd never dream." He paused, then snatched up a tartan pattern fabric sample. "If I did, though, I'd definitely go with these."
Lily giggled. "Yeah, that'd be a safe bet with Minnie."
Sirius put the fabric down and followed Lily forward through the store. "What about - you know - these tables and such?" he waved a palm at a whole selection of dining room tables. "Aren't these fancy?" he put his hand on a gaudy dark wood table with carved pineapples on the seatbacks. "Reminds me of Costa Rica and my wedding pineapple."
"They're alright," Lily said slowly - thinking they were actually quite awful.
"You could go more modern." He pointed at an olive-green formica table set with pleather-cushion seats to match.
Lily made a face. "Gods no."
"Well come on, Lilith," Sirius whined, "Play with me here. If you were furnishing a house, what the bloody hell would you put in it?"
Lily looked at her watch. "Sirius, we haven't got all day - I think we should focus on Minnie's present."
"Okay but -" Sirius sighed. "Look, I just - I need your opinion on these things."
"Now?"
"Yes now."
"Why now? Are you and Remus thinking about getting a house?"
Desperate, Sirius blurted out, "Yes."
Lily looked shocked, "What? Really? Since when?"
"Since... since we talked about it and decided a house would be... great." Sirius replied. He turned and grabbed a ridiculous looking ornate lamp with great glass baubles hanging off it like it was trying at being a chandelier and just hadn't succeeded at it.
"I thought you liked living at the flat in East London?" Lily pressed. "And what about money? How are you lot going to afford it? With Rey going to school and all?"
"I make money," Sirius replied.
"I mean, yes, but not enough for a house."
Sirius shrugged.
"And what about James? He likes having you lot living at the flat."
"I mean - we can't all live together forever," Sirius replied, feeling heat rising up his neck.
Lily stared at Sirius. "Is this because of us getting married?"
"Me and you are getting married? My love, I do apologize but I am already wed."
"Sirius."
"Lilith."
She sighed, then stepped toward the sea of furniture to play along with his latest idiotic whims.
