The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part One

Not Going To Go Back

"Good morning Evans."

Lily's eyes blinked open and there was James Potter,  grinning and holding a tray of breakfast, complete with a tiny bunch of flowers.

"What is this?"

"I thought it was rather obvious," James said. "Pancakes." He paused, tilted the tray so she could see, and said, "Look, Remus showed me how to make'm look like mice."

Lily laughed. "Well it's certainly a surprise." She sat up and patted the bed next to her. He grinned and climbed aboard, setting the tray before her and sitting so his arm went around her shoulders as they started eating. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not a wink," he answered, "But I made some decisions and I think you'll approve them."

"Oh?"

James nodded, and proceeded to tell her all about the motorbike ride with Sirius the night before.

"Oh I do hope you lot were careful on that thing," she said. "Especially if he's driving it like a muggle. I very seriously doubt that he follows traffic laws!"

James shrugged, "I digress."

"Uh huh..." Lily eyed him suspiciously and shoved a bit of bacon into his mouth.

James smiler around the bacon.

"I'll be after him for that if he's going to be driving my most important human about."

James looked rather pleased with himself for this designation.

"I have to make sure I keep you safe, after all."

James mused, "Well... that sort of leads into what I'm about to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," James answered. "I have decided that I'm not going to go back to the Ministry." There was a long silence. "Like... ever."

Lily put down the fork she'd been using and wiped her mouth. "You're quitting the Auror program?"

"Yes." James was firm. "What do you think? Seeing as you're a month off from being married to me, I want your input and I want to respect your feelings about this."

Lily thought for a moment. "Okay. Let's sort this out then." She pushed the tray away and turned so she was sitting, facing James, crossing her legs. He did the same and they held hands, their wrists balancing on their knees. "Why do you want to quit, first off?"

"Well," James said, "I feel as though I'm not built for the job of being an auror after all. I don't think I'm good at it."

"Because of what Underhill said yesterday?" Lily asked.

James nodded, and he told her about the encounter with Underhill he'd had in the morning as well, which he hadn't had time to recount to her in all that had happened. "And you know what happened last night."

"But you can't let just one person's opinion ruin your aspirations, James. Just because Underhill has said some things to you, doesn't mean you ought to quit."

James shook his head, "No you misunderstand me. I'm not quitting because of what he said, but because of what he said."

Lily looked confused.

"I mean that I think upon reflection that he is correct. I'm not good at details, I'm not good at taking a pause and asking for back up or thinking things through. Bloody hell, I'm thick as porridge, you say so yourself."

"Yes, but -" she paused, "James, did you talk to Sirius?"

"About what?"

"About all this, about Underhill's visit and -"