𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 [kakyoin]

XIII. stargazing.

tw: anxiety, depression

" How... How could you think it was meaningless, y/n? "

" I really don't know, look I'm sorry... " you tried your best to change the subject as the atmosphere got weird by the time.

" It's okay nevermind... it was stupid of me. " you did not hear the last part of his sentence but decided not to ask about it. If he spoke with a very low voice, there must have been a reason.

Kakyoin's hands made their way back on his thighs, leaving yours alone.

It is true to say that you did not know what you and Kakyoin were exactly. Friends? Maybe. More than friends? Maybe. The hardest part was to guess what was Noriaki's thoughts about you: this guy's mind was almost impossible to read.

You decided to start a new conversation again, like nothing ever happened.

Before saying anything, you cleared your throat: it could be understood as an 'anyway' or even a 'moving on'.

" You asked me so much questions and I didn't got to ask you one! "

" Go on then, you have questions for me? "

" Actually, " you said, making the 'y' last, " I got one. "

" Hmm? " you raised his curiosity.

You hesitated before finally deciding to speak:

" How did I never notice you in college? It's not like we're thousands of students so I wondered if you were actually there this whole time, "

He looked at you, and his eyes never left yours. As the man was having a complete debate with his conscious self about whether he should be honest with you or try to find a believable lie, you stared at him, confused, and waited for an answer so you could find something to say to make Kakyoin smile again.

And cherry boy finally made a sound:

" Interesting choice of question, " he chuckled softly,

" Well hm- y/n, "

" Yup? "

" Can I be completely honest with you? "

" Depends. Do you trust me? "

" I trust you blindly. "

" Well you have the answer to the question! " you smiled trying to rassure him since you clearly saw him getting anxious suddenly. His jaw clenched before finally ending the suspens:

" When I was young, I had a hard time at school. I didn't have friends. And it was mostly because of me. I just felt misunderstood by everyone. And it's weird at a young age. Yeah, it's really weird. But I don't know why though. Then I became really sad and alone. I got diagnostised with anxiety and some depression symtpoms. I was doing pretty bad for a kid. It was really terrible, "

While you were carefully listening to Kakyoin's monologue, you tried your best to process every information he was giving. I mean, who thought he could have went through all that as a child? The only thing you wanted to do right now was hug him. But you let him finish first:

" All I ever did was playing videogames online or drawing, alone. My parents tried their best to be there for me, but it was useless. I feel bad for them thinking about it now. But I was just misunderstood, right? I didn't want to be mean. "

You nodded without saying anything to let him continue.

" Nowadays, I'm doing better. I even made some friends. Two. It's not that bad for a first time socializing. And I even got a third one. " he pronounced the last sentence with a large smile which made your cheeks turn into a light shade of pink. Of course he was talking about you.

" However, I'm not really comfortable in crowded areas. This is why I avoid most of the campus' spots. And this could be the reason you don't remember seeing me somewhere. " he finished, taking a deep breathe right after.

A ton of questions were fighting on your mind but you focused on what should you say right now after this whole confession.

" Kakyoin, I'm so glad you told me that. I'm proud of you for all the progress you made. "

" Yeah, if we can call that a progress- "

You cut him, talking very loudly, not really controlling the pitch of your voice:

" Of course it is progress ! What do you think it is ? "

You saw his cute cheeks become red a second but he quickly replied:

" Maybe. I guess it is, "

You stayed silent for a while. The evening was loud as you could hear car noises, people having fun and music blasting on the streets not far from the park.

And soon Kakyoin heard your soft voice among the loud mess.

" Kakyoin, can I tell you something this time? "

" Depends. Do you trust me? " he imitated your tone just like you said it before.

You giggled then repeated the process by saying:

" I trust you blindly. "

" Well, you can tell me something, " he replied.

You hesitated a moment. It has been a while since you opened up to someone. But you trusted him. Still, it was kind of hard to admit you were not really fine. However, you could see in Noriaki's eyes the kindness and benevolence he holded. But would it be all right to tell him everything? Maybe not. Yet, you chose to be honest with yourself, honest with him. You chose that it may be the day everything will get better. Today.

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ayooo everyone! i hope everybody is doing fine :) i'm so sorry for being so slow to update but homeworks are killing me :') anyway i'll try to be more regular

also,
i really dont want to romanticize anxiety or anything. it's just that i found it interesting to talk ab it in my fic since i am myself experiencing anxiety, and it's kind of accurate regarding kakyoin's flashback in jojo part3. i just think most of the fanfics lack of real human behavior. i wanted my fic to mention subjects like this, things that a lot of ppl might have experienced in their lifetime. i also feel like writing about my struggles helps me a lot but i hope it doesnt bother any of you

love u guys