𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 [kakyoin]

III. video games and confessions.

You decided to spend your evening staying home: a night by yourself with a good video game is always better than going outside.

While listening to music, you prepared some ramen with a boiled-egg, got yourself something to drink and went to your living room, turning on your switch.

You took the first game in front of you: it was Mario Kart; you were fine with it, it was actually one of your favorite games during your childhood.

After eating and playing for a while, you just sat there wondering what to do.

You did not have that much friends, or rather you did not consider them as true friends. You always felt like a friend is someone that truly understands you, has been by your side supporting you and helping you go through hard stuffs. But still, the only person that you really think of as friend was this guy named Avdol.

Avdol was a tall, muscular, brown man. He was a good listener, a really good one. When you talked to him, you could see that he was genuinely implicated in the conversation, making you feel safe or truly understood somehow. He was the kind of person that could make you smile just by looking at him. God, how much you loved Avdol was crazy. He was the definition of the word friend.

He always took care of you and mostly, he helped you during those tough times when your boyfriend cheated on you.

Thinking about it, this break up had not really been easy for you, and it still hurt you actually, but you avoid this subject anytime it is mentionned.

(flashback)
You dated this boy five months ago. He was doing law studies. You met him once at a birthday party of one of your old friend, when you used to go to parties. Things have changed, indeed.

This man was hot, seriously.

He had long blonde hair, cutted in a mullet. He was tall, like 6'2 or something, and muscular. His eyes were brown but looked red when they were exposed to the sun. He seemed mean at first, but he was nice when you got to know him. His pride was sometimes taking over but he always made you pass before him. He was kind, caring, and intelligent too: who thought he could do this to you? Who thought he could be able to sleep with another woman? Who thought he actually did not love you as much as you loved him?

One day, as you were heading home a bit earlier than usual, he was not answering to your calls. You thought he was busy, but you ended up walking to him, making out with another woman, in your house.

At this point, you started tearing up without even controlling yourself. You felt your heart break into pieces. You genuinely loved this man with all your soul, how could he do this to you? How?

You took all your stuff the same night, leaving him without even listening to his apologies. You did not need them. You just needed to break up with him. You could not forgive him. You could not even think about that one second.

This is when you, well what was left of you, ended up in Avdol's appartment. At this point you felt like you were drowning in in your own thoughts. You could not talk properly, you could not breath properly, you could not do anything except for crying, long crying sessions. You just did not want neither to talk about what happened hours ago nor to think about it, this was simple, even though it kept haunting your mind, every single minute you could picture him and this lady.

Avdol welcomed you like you were a member of his family: he always had been generous, it was heart-warming. He took care of you during this hard time: that hurted him seeing you in such a bad state. He would cook for you, cheer you up, help you with your work, get you out somewhere. He saved you and you were so glad to have him because you did not know where you would have been without him to tell the truth.

After all this mess, this break-up, these weeks made of long crying days, you recovered almost.

You became an introverted person: you almost fought with all of your past friends. You started to have anxiety just after that, it was really bad. Panic attacks were striking you suddenly without you controlling it, making you shake both legs and hands and cry while holding your scalp. You hated it, of course you did. You had developped trust issues because of what he did. You just wanted to be alone, invisible and emotionaly off.

You had removed every single account you had on any social media, disappearing from your friends' lives. You wanted a fresh new start.

You changed school and moved in a new neighborhood, just next to Avdol's, and here you are now, pretending nothing ever happened.

You still suffer from anxiety and trust issues, but you believe that one day everything will be all right.After all, Avdol promised you that, you trusted him.

...

You finaly decided to go to your room. You saw some canvas, and paint. You took it, starting to paint. You started to do a shadow, representing someone sitting their knees against their chest. It was shadowy everywhere, exept a light was coming right on the shadow. Around the person, you could see dark eyes looking at them, it was very disturbing actually.

You started to uncontrollably cry, though you kept painting, with teary eyes, while your hands were busy spreading the black paint everywhere on the canvas.

The feeling that was taking over you was so powerful. You were strongly affected, making you instantly weak and vulnerable. It just came like this, as you were struck by a wave. You just tried to paint what you were truly living everyday, the pain that kept following you, even though you moved on, or you thought so.

Everyday was hard. Everyday, you cried, wondering about when it will finaly stop, when will you be able to live normally? When will you finally get over this? Were you too weak?

You took your phone, scrolling through your contacts. You clicked on Avdol's name, hesitating to call him. Eventually you put your phone down, thinking that worrying Avdol with your mental health was not the solution. You did not want him to know that you were crying that bad, like five months ago. You already had worried him enough.

You decided to wash your hands, clean everything and go to sleep. It seemed to be the best thing to do right now, or the only thing that you could think of.

You laid on your bed, dreaming of when everything will get better, like Avdol promised you.