cool » l. hemmings

xxxix.

⇉ michelle ⇇

I've always been told that laughter is the best medicine, and while that is probably true for a lot of people, I've learned the best medicine for me is being around everyone I've grown used to. It doesn't matter if we're crying or laughing or not doing anything at all, company is one of the best things you can have when all you feel is lonely. And today, on one of the most lonely days I've had in the past almost week, I felt happy. Something I never expected when the boy I swore I'd never let get hurt again.

"One time I came over and I saw Michelle and Grady covered in jelly, and their old dog had peanut butter like, all over his face," Michael laughed, sitting next to Luke on the couch, who's legs were next to my shoulders as I sat on the floor in front of him. My mom went into her natural habitat for the evening, also known as the kitchen.

"I thought your mom didn't let him over often?" Luke questioned me, leaning over to place a kiss on top of my head.

I shrugged, still giggling at the memory of everything we've shared in the last few hours, "Doesn't mean he didn't sneak over when she wasn't home."

"Didn't know Michelle could be rebellious," he said, Michael chuckling beside him. "Where's Ethan?" Luke looked around and noticed his brother had left his spot across from all of us, where he'd been watching the box set I had of Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

"I'll go look for him," I offered. Bringing myself to my feet, I glanced back at the two of them and pointed to Michael, "Make more buddy-buddy time with this one."

For the day, we'd all been talking about random things and then smiling at the mention of Grady -- sometimes the smile being sad and sometimes being happy. Stories were being shared, too, and Ethan was the one who seemed to benefit a lot more than the rest of us from it. I couldn't begin to imagine losing my best friend; Michael had been the only one who actually seemed to be able to tolerate me when my family moved here, and for a while, until Luke came along, he was the only person who knew pretty much all there is to know about me and my family.

Stopping in the hallway for a moment, I pondered where the boy could possibly be. Grady's room, maybe, but I doubt he remembered where that was since almost all his time was spent with Grady, Luke, and I in the basement.

The basement.

"Hey, Mom, did you see Ethan go anywhere?" I slid past her in the kitchen, leaning my elbow on the counter and my chin in my hand. She was cleaning every surface imaginable, bringing out the habit she had of cleaning when nothing looked how she wanted.

Without looking up at me for more than a few seconds, my mom took the rag in one hand and tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear, "I think I noticed him go to the basement, why?"

"Just wondering. We couldn't find him," I said, then ran around the counter and hugged her from behind -- something I haven't done in a while and felt was needed today. Something long overdue. "I love you, mom."

"I love you, too, Mitchie," she replied, an obvious smile in her voice as she continued scrubbing the sink and trying to act as if it didn't phase her, as if this was a normal thing between us. We both knew it wasn't, even though it probably should be and I'm incredibly guilty with the fact that it's my fault I don't show how much I truly appreciate her.

But they do say tragedy is one thing that brings people closer and makes you realize your appreciation for who's in your life.

My arms released themselves from around my mom and my feet moved back to continuing their quest to finding Ethan, getting me to the basement door and almost making me trip myself running down the stairs.

"Ethan," I breathed out when my eyes caught sight of his gray shirt and the black beanie on his head. I walked over and tapped him on the shoulder to make him aware of my presence.

'What are you doing down here?' he signed to me, running the back of his hand under his nose.

"Well, this is my house," I laughed, but soon realized why he was sniffling and hugged him. "Why are you crying?"

'I miss him, Michelle,' Ethan cried. For the first time I'm seeing this boy as vulnerable as ever and I felt bad for not knowing what to do. Only Luke knew what to do but only I knew how to talk about Grady with anyone. 'I had a birthday present for him.'

"Really? What did you get him?"

'I was going to give him my old Deadline comics.' I saw him smile and look down at the floor, which made me smile and nod for him to continue. Luke told me about how many comic books Ethan had that he didn't need anymore, but apparently the Deadline series was his favorite.

"The one with Tank Girl? He's got those posters everywhere in his room," I told him, though I'm sure he's already seen them.

Ethan nodded, smiling sadly this time. 'That's the one. Can I still give it to him? Put it in his room or maybe when his funeral--'

I put my hands around his and set them in his lap, signaling that he didn't need to explain anything. "Of course," my hand reached out for his, pulling both him and myself off of the couch, "now we should get back to your brother."

"Ethan!" Luke stood up and walked over quickly, "Are you alright?" he asked. Ethan was still slightly sniffling, but he seemed happier now that I'd talked to him and brought him back up.

I saw Ethan glance at me from the corner of his eye, almost asking me to come up with something so he didn't have to say he was crying. "He, uh, wanted to play video games downstairs and leave all of us alone for a little." Even though I didn't sign to clarify how I covered for him, Ethan smiled a 'thanks,' so only I could notice. It wasn't a complete lie, when I had seen Ethan he was playing Prince of Persia, but it wasn't to leave us all alone -- well, not completely for that reason, it was to be alone. He wasn't trying to ignore everything today like we were, he was brave enough to actually think about it and talk about it.

Suddenly, I realized just how everything had changed in the past few months. Not just for me, but for everyone. Ethan was apparently the happiest and most social he'd ever been, and I was beyond happy that we got to break him out of the rutt he was in before this. Luke was stuck with someone he was overwhelmed with and confused about, Michael was my only friend and I was his only friend, but now almost everything had changed. Even though we got hit pretty hard and unexpectedly with the tragedy train, it was still a lot better than it used to be.

Our lives are still changing, they're still moving into the happier side of things. Even with three steps forward, you've got to be pushed a step back along the way. But that's not going to stop us.

------

we got to see ethan have a mini breakdown just like everyone else in this story AMAZING. ethan and grady's lil nerdship is my life and they represent my love for everything comic books and zelda bye

MY NEW ASHTON BOOK CALLED WALLFLOWER SOCIAL CLUB IS UP AND IM CRYIN ITS GONNA BE SO CUTE