cool » l. hemmings

xxxiii.

Surprisingly, the week (or really, only four days) before Brooke would be visiting Luke went by quickly. While he called me and told me to go ahead and try doing whatever I was going to do to get Michael to be alright with me again, Luke said he would just be waiting around until Brooke actually got there.

I picked at my chapped lip and paced around my room as I attempted to call Michael, more than positive that he was awake. It was one in the afternoon; he's probably not out of bed but he's still awake.

"Hi, Michelle," I heard him mumble. I felt bad. He sounded exhausted, for what ever reason.

"Hi, Michael," I smiled at the simple fact that I could possibly be in the process of fixing one of the things that would make this continuous happiness exactly that; continuous. "What are you doing today?" I asked him. Nothing, I assumed, but figured that I would ask anyway.

"Well I've been in bed since I woke up ten minutes ago," he let out a laugh through his teeth, "so it doesn't seem like anything is happening."

"So that means I could come over?" A breath had been let out of my chest. Not out of nerves that he'd tell me no, but just because I hadn't actually been able to hang out with Michael since he got upset with me. I don't know if he still is, but he doesn't sound like it. At least not right now.

"You actually want to?" he wondered, sounding almost skeptical of my offer, but mostly kind of relieved.

"I don't have anything to do today, either," I said, "and I want to talk to you."

"Oh, God."

I sighed, "What?" By now I stopped pacing, and I was just simply pulling on my bottom lip but I still felt the need to pick at it. I don't know what I was so nervous with talking to my best friend.

"Whenever a girl says that I feel like I need to say sorry for like, absolutely nothing," he replied, with a quiet laugh and probably a mindless shrug.

"Shut up," I laughed, "Can I go over or not?"

"I guess so."

Today, it was nice out. The clouds were beautiful and the world was beautiful and the little girls across the street were out playing with their dog through a sprinkler. I passed by an old couple walking their dog, and they smiled. And I smiled. And I felt good about today. When I passed Luke's house, there was an unfamiliar car parked out front of it and I'd figured it was Brooke's. I grinned to myself, turning my head to look down at my feet while I walked.

I missed Michael's house. I missed the stupid creak of the old wooden steps in his front yard. I missed the chipped white paint that covered it. I missed the fact that I spend any amount of time that I can in there. But I also missed the friendship that Michael and I had created in this very house. So when I knocked on the door, and he actually answered with a (tired, but happy) smile on his face, I grew a sense of relief flow throughout my body.

I returned it and followed him to the kitchen, where he always went first whenever we hung out. Food is an absolute necessity in the friendship of Michael and Michelle. "So, Michael--"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. His eyes were looking straight at me, the green in them was filled with guilt, but also the same thing I was feeling; happiness, and relief.

"You're what?" I didn't mean to make it sound like I wanted him to say it again just so I could be proven right, because I'm the one in the wrong in this situation. I was confused because he was saying sorry and he has nothing to be sorry for.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, "for trying to keep you away from things, or people, that you like. And blaming you for how you felt."

"Luke is a giant nerd who probably cries for days if he hurts a puppy, but you had a reason to think he was some evil human being." It was true, and even though I've never seen it happen yet, it's not hard to imagine.

"But I realized that, like you said, he was being cheated on by her, too. He was just an idiot and stayed," Michael grinned, joking around with me and handing me a Coke from his fridge.

"Grady misses you. And speaking of Grady," I grew excited and had to wait until we got seated on his couch. "His birthday is soon."

He scoffed and had a held-back smile playing on his lips, "You think I don't remember?"

Michael adored Grady, and Grady adored Michael. I wouldn't think for a second that either of them would forget a thing about each other. "If you didn't I would be extremely disappointed."

This is exactly how I wanted today to go; I wanted things to just mend themselves and then we'd slowly, or maybe quickly, get back into how we used to be. I've never been very good at coming back to a friendship just as it was before, but really that's probably why Michael was my only friend for the longest time; he never gave me anything to fight with him about.

"So has anything, you know, like, happened yet?" Michael wondered and put his legs across my lap, leaning against the arm of the seat.

My head shook, "No, but Brooke was supposed to visit this week so he's kind of ending things as we speak."

"Oh my God, she came all the way down here just to get dumped," he laughed, spilling drops of Coke down his chin. "Not like she doesn't deserve it, though."

"I know! I felt kind of bad," I confessed.

The sound of Teen Titans was heard from his TV, making me jump slightly at the sudden interruption and for Michael to laugh. "You shouldn't. At least you're not going behind her back and doing stuff with him, no matter how much we all hate her," he said. Doing stuff.

I mean, we weren't. We're not doing stuff, but we're kind of doing stuff. So, I'm not lying to Michael. Of course I would tell him if Luke and I were doing what I promised him would never happen, because I would feel too bad and if I kept it from Michael it would eat away at me.

"I would never," I sent him a reassuring smile, to which he returned and we both sat in silence for a while, watching the lame sitcom that was now playing and only breaking the silence with a slight laugh. Just like how it used to be.

I began wondering how everything with Brooke was going for Luke -- like if he had already done it or if he was being how I expected and waiting until she got comfortable, which made me feel even guiltier about this. I didn't want to immediately go for the whole dating thing after this was all done, because that would be pretty horrible of me to do. It would be horrible for both of us to do. It's not like we don't act like we already are, only with a few restrictions, but after this we could start actually acting like it really and see where it headed, like I said before.

During this whole thing I felt like I was being kind of emotionless, or at least just a tiny bit, while Luke was practically doing everything he could to get me to show it. Eventually, I started to. I'm still not quite there, but after this happens that'll change. This is what I've been waiting for, anyway. I've told Luke before that until he can get the thought out of his head that he can act the way with me that he's supposed to be acting with his girlfriend that he still has, and now that it's actually happening, it's time for me to do what everyone's been waiting for.

I do like Luke, a lot. The feeling is all too surreal, like I'd never imagine myself ever being in a situation as -- well, kind of weird as this one. I liked it though.

There's nothing exciting about a life full of normality.

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i'm working on something to publish after this is over so that's why things have been kind of a wait/sucky recently

song; oh k, okay by said the whale this song gets me GROOVY