cool » l. hemmings

xii.

Smoke blowing from his lips in uneven patterns, Luke leaned his back against the railing of my porch while I sat in front of him on the first step. "So who was calling you that made you groan oh-so dramatically?"

"Doesn't matter, they don't matter right now."

"Right now?" I had an idea of who 'they,' was, but I'm not one to jump to conclusions.

He shrugged and tilted his head up toward the clouds. "I'm sure they will when I get my shit together, but no, not right now."

"Why not?"

"You ask a lot of questions, you know that?" A chuckle from his chest caused the smoke inhaled in his lungs to release choppily. My neck always seemed to cramp when I was talking to him, no matter what we were talking about or where we were sitting, I always had to put extra effort in to look at him, while all he had to do was look down and laugh.

"And I want you to answer them."

He sighed, flicking the ash from the end of his cigarette and bringing it back to his mouth before saying, "Just someone who's quite angry with me at the moment," with a shrug.

I wasn't going to pry into his business, I wasn't that interested in his life happenings to want to know absolutely everything that was going on. So I nodded, adding a drawn out 'ah,' while I got up from my spot on my front porch.

I could smell a mix of sweat and smoke when I stood up; the humidity outside today was insane. "You smell horrible."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Michelle. Judging by your room I didn't think you were someone who cared if things were clean." He turned and searched for a non-visible place to put out his now finished stick-of-cancer.

I took it out of his hand, jump-skipping the steps I had to walk down and bent down to put it out on the sidewalk before moving around to the rectangular garden that lined the perimeter of the house. "My mom never pays attention to the plants." Obviously, because all this sorry excuse for a garden has become is a large patch of soil filled with dead daisies and other dead leaf plants.

I buried the cigarette deep in the dried up dirt, then covered it up, clapping my hands off of any that had stuck to them. "There, now you have a hiding place."

"You know, I didn't mean to lie to your mom. But I feel like she wouldn't appreciate the fact that you were hanging out with two bad-influence boys," Luke laughed, sitting down on the steps like I was before. "All about the first-impressions."

"Michael hasn't influenced me in as many negative ways as you have."

"What have I done to corrupt you?"

"Well, it's not what you've done already, but probably what you will do. My mom wouldn't appreciate me hanging out with cheaters, either." My arms crossed over my chest and I was still on the outside of the railing, leaning up against it. I know I didn't want to talk about it, but I couldn't help the remark that escaped. There's no filter between my brain and mouth, not my fault.

His mouth turned over in the slightest, but still visible, frown and he shook his head. "Hey, for a while I got cheated on by her, too."

"So why'd you stay with her?"

"Probably the same reason Michael did, really," Luke shrugged and turned to look at the dog coming down the sidewalk that had caught his attention. "Why do you care so much if it's over now?"

Well, you see, I'm not sure why you make me so aggrivatingly happy but if I make you aggriatingly happy, too, in some weird turn of events where you realize that Brooke is most likely never going to change her cheating ways, I would like to be reassured that you're not learning from the girl.

But other than that I didn't really have a reason to care, other than Michael being my closest friend and whatever upsets him ends up upsetting me as well. I'm not sure he appreciates me becoming as close as I have been with Luke, but hey, maybe, just maybe he doesn't care.

"I just don't understand people who kind of just...go against everything a relationship is about. Being with that one person and that person only, promising to never be with another girl or boy while you're together. I just want to know the whole psychological reason behind doing it, and staying with someone who is." Wow, that was deep. I'm good at this.

He laughed a quiet laugh, giving me a strange look. "I've never heard something so emotional come out of your mouth in this whole month, and I never thought I would."

"Don't change the subject."

Luke looked down at his hands and squinted up at me to shade from the sun. "Boys are stupid when they think they love somebody."

"So you think you love her?" My head tilted, and I felt like I've asked this question before. Two years wasted with someone you're not sure if you love is completely pointless.

"Thought - I thought I did. I know I don't."

"How'd you find out?"

"Once you move far away it's hard not to become focused on someone else, Michelle."

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ps: should i start telling you what i'm listening to while i'm writing this bc i've realized that sometimes the way it's going is kind of influenced by what's on my playlist??? (or just put my playlist public on 8tracks)