cool » l. hemmings

xxxi.

When I was younger, and Grady was still able to hear, my mom would sing him songs and then she'd sing one to me. My mother was one of the happiest people and most carefree parents (as carefree as a parent can possibly be) when I was little and we were a really, really happy family. Despite her having to work two jobs and be both the mother and father to both of us, my mom made everything work. I still don't know how. But I'm glad she was able to -- I'm glad that she's still able to. Maybe my mom is a superhero of all moms.

Luke left just before my mom started cooking dinner, and Grady was still sleeping, so I took the opportunity of being with her in the kitchen to ask about the thing that's been on my mind.

"So, mom, remember a few weeks ago when I caught you singing?" I asked, watching her move around and looking for whatever.

"No, I don't know what you're talking about." A shrug fell from her shoulders, she had a grin on her face that told me otherwise.

I scoffed, "Don't be such a teenage girl."

She laughed, "That's kind of funny coming from an actual teenage girl." This was another thing my mother used to do all the time -- be fun. I'm sure somewhere in her there's still some fun left, but after everything she'd been hard on all of us. I've learned that all she wants is the best for my brother and I. And that's pretty great to know she thinks we can do anything.

"Mom," I whined, "you haven't sang in so long and then me and Luke catch you and you don't even want to tell me why."

She continued going through cabinets as she talked to me, reaching for things I wasn't paying attention to. "I'm just happy, Michelle."

I sat on the counter again, waiting for another comment about how dirty my butt was like she had made earlier. "Why are you happy?" I asked, again.

"I can't just be happy? I have to have a reason?" She was avoiding telling me whatever was happening, but I knew eventually I would be able to get it out of her if it was something that made her forget about worries that had been going on lately.

"There's always a reason for happiness." And there was -- for the longest time my mom wasn't happy, because there was nothing for her to be happy about. I wanted to know what had caused such a great change.

"Grady may be able to start speech therapy. I didn't want to tell you until I got confirmation about it, which still hasn't happened." In the period of time that my mom wasn't at her best, I was a complete asshole, and I still am, really, and she wanted to do anything for Grady that she could to make up for what he'd lost. But now she can, if all of this goes through and I can see why this would make her happy. I'm pretty happy myself, actually.

My mouth fell open and I broke out into a smile, "You're serious?" This would mean that he would be able to talk, actually talk and not have to use signing as much as he was now -- until he gets good enough he'd probably still have to. Of course, everyone else around him would still need to, but this would just make it easier for people who didn't quite know sign language when we encounter them.

"Of course."

Eyeing her skeptically, I continued questioning. "That can't be the only reason," I prodded, wanting to know why she was all of a sudden so happy and not being so hard on me about everything.

"I'm just finally getting back on my feet, Michelle. It's been a good few months," my mom smiled to herself. And it made me happy. My whole family was happy and that's something I don't want to go away. Things are starting to go back to the way they were before; that's all I wanted. "And don't think I forgot about your grades."

I figured that already, but I didn't really care. I'd done pretty good on my exams -- good for me, at least. "So is that what Grady's getting for his birthday?" I asked.

"If I get a call about it within the next week and a half, then yes," she said.

"This is so great, I--"

"You can't tell him."

"I wasn't going to! Nice to know you trust your daughter," I joked, my eyes rolling with a small smile.

"I do, but you've got a habit of not keeping your mouth closed."

"Well if I did that I'm sure I would've caught flies by now." I didn't taste flies. Hopefully I wouldn't ever know what they tasted like.

"Just go to your room," my mom shook her head and laughed. "I'll tell you when dinner is ready."

† † † † † † †

Like I've said before: my life isn't bad. I've had bad things happen and they've had a lasting affect on my life by that doesn't make my life entirely horrible. I enjoyed it. But right now I enjoyed life more than ever and it was all because maybe my brother was getting something that he'd been asking for since he was ten.

Usually when I sit in the dark, with music playing in the background and my eyes focusing on the imperfections of the ceiling, it was for a sad reason. Today I sat with a huge, satisfied smile on my face and I felt like one of those overly-happy people who really shouldn't be as enthusiastic or excited as they are but they are anyway. This wasn't even something good for me, but that's just who I am. I get upset and angry with people that have made the people that I know upset and angry, and I also get happy and excited for reasons that the people I know should be happy and excited.

Since everything seemed to be going so well, I made a plan for myself to make sure I kept it that way. This summer was going to be one that I actually did something with. I'm going to try and get Michael to understand everything with Luke and I and if he doesn't, then I'm sorry. It'll make me feel horrible, but I doubt it'll go that way, anyway. I'm going to let whatever happens with Luke just, happen, and however it goes is how it goes. I have a feeling it'll go pretty good. If things continued like they had been for the past few days then I'm sure everything will be just like it used to be; enjoyable.

Today was a good day. I liked today.

------

you guys make me so happy bc you're so cute and whenever you say you like this i get all happy freakin out n stuff so just know that ur all heart eyes emoji x76 :-)

song; myrtle ave by firestarter