cool » l. hemmings

epilogue.

I've learned that life is a temporary thing. It's something people take for granted and don't learn to use to the fullest. You were given a life -- live it. Some lives are cut short and they don't get to do what they were planning. My life hasn't ended yet and I'm planning on using that to my advantage -- the knowledge that everything ends one day, but you shouldn't let that hold you back.

"Hi, Grady," I smiled down at the stone with my brother's name carved into it. I felt a squeeze on my hand and looked up to see Luke's gaze already set on me. Ethan smiled, too. He sat down in front of my brother and started laughing and smiling and for a while he just stared at the stone in front of him with the biggest hint of a smile, his eyes tracing over the name Grady Cross and the dates carved; December 15, 1998 - December 10, 2014. I saw him go to sign something, but he stopped short and put his hands back down. Michael was making his way over to him (and it was adorable; the bond that Ethan and Michael now had, too). They both saw Grady as their own brother and, I guess, when everything was alright between Michael and Luke, he got the chance to get to know the two of them.

Sitting next to Ethan, I made sure he'd looked over at me. "You can still talk to him like you used to. I'm sure he knows what you're saying," I smile, reassuring him. And he nodded, looking back in front of him.

"Babe," Luke starts, "are you okay?" He's sitting down behind Ethan but off to the side, and I move over to sit so my back is against his chest.

He asked the same question every time we've visited the past few months. I don't think he ever believed me when I told him I was alright, because even I knew I wasn't for the longest time after this. "I'm good, actually," I answered. And truly, I was this time. I was okay and that felt absolutely amazing to say. Coming to terms with this over the past six months hasn't been a smooth journey, it hasn't for any of us really; not for me, Mom, Luke, Michael, or Ethan. Michael could still barely even stand to come visit Grady with us today. Even Ethan was able to, and it had been just as hard for him as it had been for me.

God, I felt so shitty whenever I saw Ethan after what happened. He was Grady's best friend and he was exactly how I was at one point; refusing to get out of bed and accept the fact that a part of our life was missing. Whenever Luke forced me over to his house, I rarely ever saw Ethan. Whenever Luke brought over Ethan with him, none of us could go into the basement without sitting for a few minutes and then starting to cry. But we all got better. Ethan slowly started laughing at small things and the stories that we would tell to try and finally admit that Grady was gone, and I started wanting to go exploring the world again, just like Grady and I used to.

"Do you mean it this time?" Luke adjusted himself so he'd be able to look at me, but we still sat in the same position.

I smiled to him and nodded, leaning up to kiss his jawline, "I do. I promise."

"Good," he returned the smile, leaving a kiss on my forehead and then a lingering one on my lips, "because I think I do, too." A silence took over, both Luke and I watching and laughing quietly while we watched Ethan start retelling what we'd all been up to in the week that we hadn't been up here to visit him.

It was unusual for us to go out of the house and not at least pass by Grady for a minute or two, just to say hello, so the fact that we weren't here for a week was weird. There was no excuse for it, we were just trying to do exactly what we knew Grady would want us to do; live in the present and not dwell on what happened, even if that meant only being able to visit him a few times a week or only twice a week. None of us would ever let that become the case, though. Even through the lives that we're trying to continue, there's always going to be time for my brother, there was always time for him when he was here and there's still going to be when he's not.

"Hey, Michelle?" Luke slipped his fingers through mine, looking down and grinning at the sight of them.

"Yeah?"

"It wouldn't be a very good time to get sappy in a cemetery, would it?" he laughed slightly. When he glanced up at me for a moment, I smiled and so did he.

I laugh along with him, shaking my head, "It's just us in front of Michael and our brothers, Luke."

"Good. Because I wanted Grady to know, too," he smiled and bit down on his lip, which made me raise an eyebrow and stare at him curiously.

"Know what?"

If it were humanly possible, Luke's grin widened as he still looked forward at Michael and his brother, failing miserably to play off what he was about to say as if it were the most casual thing in the world. "That I'm pretty sure I love his amazing, adorable, sarcastic sister," he told me, in a happy sigh that made his voice only a bit shaky.

For the first time in months, goosebumps lined my skin like it was the beginning of Luke and I's friendship, the sensation not overcoming me because of how close he was, but because his words filled me with immense happiness that not just a simple smile could display. "Good thing I'm pretty sure I love an awfully dorky boy."

"That's all I am? Just dorky?" he pouted, making me poke at his bottom lip.

"No, you're quite cute, too," I said as I replaced the poke with a small kiss.

"Do you think Grady's happy? That we're all happy?" I pondered the question for a second, thinking about how our families were doing and how this is all Grady really ever needed -- he put everyone's happiness before his, when even I knew he could get sad sometimes but just brushed it off so he could feel better in a day or two.

"I think so. I'm sure he enjoys the jokes that Ethan's trying to tell," I giggled, realizing that Ethan was just signing, 'What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?' and waited a few seconds before going, 'A loose Canon!' and laughing, Michael rolling his eyes and trying not to laugh himself. I could picture Grady laughing, too, because he would usually laugh and then make fun of Ethan for how much a loser he was. But they both are, so it's okay.

I guess you could say that the happiness that was being built up for my family before Grady died, was finally starting to continue. My mother and I would sing at the top of our lungs like idiots (her voice still somehow sounding much better than mine) whenever a song we loved came on the radio she kept in the kitchen. Luke and I fell asleep together and woke up together, planning out adventures for the day and completely failing at our attempts to cook breakfast before my mom woke up. Michael could hang out at my house with everyone because my mother didn't seem to care about it anymore, because everything was alright and she knew he cared. Ethan, Luke, and I could go into the basement and still do what we always did, playing video games and just being able to appreciate each other's company.

That's another thing: appreciation. Something more people need to have, because in the blink of an eye a lot of things can be gone. You can't take things for granted, the only thing you'll get out of not realizing how important someone or something is to you, is heartbreak when its gone.

Luke pulled me closer, staring ahead at his brother and Michael. He sighed, "I'm enjoying my life with you in it, Michelle Cross."

"And I'm enjoying my life with you in it, Luke Hemmings," I mimicked, the smile on my face never faltering.

I'll appreciate this life while it lasts. Because right now, life is pretty cool.

• • •

T H E || E N D

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the title of this book is the last word of it im cryinf im so lame

ngl i have a partial 40th chapter written and that's what took so long bc this epilogue has been written for like three months and i was stuck on how to end the actual story SO TELL ME IF YOU WANT ME TO PUBLISH IT ??? NOT THAT ITLL CHANGE ANYTHING IT JUST GIVES YOU THE SATISFACTION OF A GOODBYe

i love you all for actually reading this and being cute as heck :-))

let me formally introduce myself lets be buds pals friends ya know

im cj and ur my new pal