cool » l. hemmings

xxiii.

Skipping school was a bad thing, usually. Not when you genuinely felt like shit. The type of feeling like shit where you don't sneeze every five seconds or feel like you're going to puke your brains out all day, but where you just can't do anything. Whether its from everything that's gone on in the past few days or if I literally just am that shitty feeling, I still haven't attempted to do anything.

"Are you still going to pick up Grady after school?" My mom yelled from down the hall as she got ready. He'd already left for school, my mom just left later than both of us.

Of course I was. I wasn't going to leave my brother to walk alone, even if he was probably with Ethan. But with Ethan comes Luke, and I've been trying to avoid the pressure of having friends for the past few days. Though it was allowing me to have more time to over-think anything and everything. At one point I started over-thinking pizza. Pizza.

I yelled a scratchy yes to my mom and threw my pillow over my head. I told her I was sick, and for the past two days she's believed it. I'm getting good at this lying thing.

She left.

I tried sleeping, but my brain didn't allow it. Fifteen minutes later, I really wanted pizza. So I ordered pizza. It was only 10 in the morning, but there's never a bad time for a taste of heaven.

"Coming!" I called down when I heard a knock on the door. My blanket was wrapped around me and over my head and usually I would be answering the door in a more polite way, but today I just didn't care.

"Aaand it's you. You should be in school." My eyes rolled and I turned around to walk back upstairs, hoping he would walk away. My blanket was still wrapped around me. It was cold.

I heard him laugh sarcastically and the door shut. I was really hoping he would have gone home. "So should you, Michelle."

"I don't feel good," I shrugged. I was in the kitchen now, completely forgetting about the pizza and reaching in the cabinets for something else. When I reached up to look for whatever, the blanket dropped into a pile around me.

"You look fine."

I gave up on trying to find anything to eat. "Well I'm not fine, Luke." Now I was wishing I went to school today. That would've been better than being stuck in my house with him right now.

"What's wrong?" he continued to ask, stepping closer and staring at me until I answered.

"I don't feel good," I repeated, staring back at him blankly. He wasn't helping in the trying to avoid him thing I had going.

"You know you're a horrible liar right?" Luke smirked at me.

"Luke, go home," I almost yelled. But I was too tired to yell at him. And I don't like yelling as much as I don't like being yelled at.

"But I wanted to find out why you're not in school," he said. I tried occupying myself and went to search through the cabinets again, not looking for anything at all.

"You found out. Go home," I told him, my back turned to him while I was on my tip-toes trying to grab the peanut butter.

I felt Luke walk closer and his chest brush up against my back while his hand came up to reach for the peanut butter for me. Goosebumps lined my skin again for the first time in forever. "Why are you being like this?" Luke stepped back and looked at me. My back was against the counter and he was stood in front of me.

"I'm not being like anything," I shrugged, putting the jar down and moving to go around Luke, but he grabbed onto my arm and kept me where I was.

"Yes you are! You've been treating me like I'm the worst person in the world! You can't even be a foot away from me, Michelle," his hand slid down from my arm until it got to my own hand, ghosting over it before quickly moving it to his side.

"That's not my fault." I tried moving again, but instead of allowing me this time, Luke placed his hands on the counter that my back was against so now I had to talk to him. And I had to be a foot away from him, even less.

"I didn't even do anything!" he was growing frustrated, but he wouldn't look away from me.

"You confused me, and made my best friend mad at me. So, yes, you did do something," I said.

"Well now that's not my fault," Luke's hand reached to run through his bed head. "I can't help feeling that way. No one can help what they feel for somebody."

"It's your fault Michael doesn't like you in the first place," I said, ignoring his last comment because he was right, I just didn't want to acknowledge that he was.

A groan released from his chest and he finally took his eyes away from me, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. "Can we stop talking about that? Is that the only thing you care about when we hang out?"

"Now it is." I couldn't just not think about how the boy I perceived as this cancer-filled, unsure boy was really both of those plus the boy that's with the girl my best friend was hurt by. That changed a lot, and it made me regret actually liking him. But I still do.

"It was forever ago! Fucking hell, Michelle. I've already told you about everything, what do you want?" Pushing himself off of the counter, Luke expected an answer and waited.

"For you to go home," I stared at him and cross my arms over my chest.

"You know what? Fine. I'll go home. I hope you and your little boyfriend Michael become the best of friends again." Luke scoffed and turned around. I didn't move until I heard his feet change from hitting the tile of the kitchen to the carpet of the living room.

"He's not my--"

And he slammed the door on his way out.

Should I say sorry? Yes. Could I? No. I don't want to admit that he's right with whatever it is he's trying to do.

I'm upset and I don't know why and Luke doesn't need to know why.

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i have break starting on tuesday, and then the week after we get back from it is a whole week of midterms so theres gonna be a confusing update schedule for a few weeks idk.

speaking of break i have no idea what to get my snakes for christmas they're my babies n they deserve presents :-((