Well-Bred {Kylo Ren x Reader}

Waiting

He had let Rey and Poe go in to see her first when the nurse said she was allowed to have visitors. Kylo sat in the waiting room, leg shaking, thinking about what she must look like, hoping she wasn't in any pain. He waited and waited. He knew he should just leave, stay away from her now that he knew he was the reason she ended up like this. But, he had to see her. Had to look at her with his own eyes just in case it was the last time he got to do so.

When Rey and Poe came back out he could tell they had both been crying. He stood up to greet them.

"Thank you, for finding my sister and saving her," Poe said as he pulled him into a hug.

Kylo stood stunned, hands at his side as Poe released him only to be welcomed by another hug from Rey.

"Yes, thank you," she said, her voice still hoarse from crying.

"I found her but I didn't save her. She's in a goddamn coma!" Kylo could feel the fear in him rising, the anger, the sadness, the tears. He had to stay strong.

"Yes, but she's still alive. The doctor told us only a few more hours and she would've been gone. Who knows what would've happened if you didn't show up," Poe said, gratefulness and appreciation in his voice.

Kylo sat down and explained everything to them because they had lots of questions. After doing so, they told him to go see her. That it would help. To go talk to her because the nurse said there's a chance she might hear them when they do. They both gave him sad smiles before leaving him to go to the lunchroom to grab some food.

He found himself soon after, walking back towards her room. When he sees her, laying in the hospital bed, tubes attached to her body, he could physically feel his heart break.

He sat down on the chair beside her bed and grabbed her hand. It was cold, small, lifeless. And that's when he couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears stung his eyes as they fell down his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he actually cried but he couldn't stop himself. He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly as he cried.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his sobs racking through his body as he gripped her hand. "I should've known something was wrong the second you didn't show up at my place. Maybe...maybe if I had realized sooner..." The sobs kept coming, making it hard for him to speak softly anymore. "...If I had realized sooner maybe you wouldn't be like this. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm sorry I did this to you."

He sat there for a while. He wasn't even sure how long it had been as he watched her. She looked peaceful apart from all the tubes. It was a comfort to know that she wasn't in any pain.

He still held her hand, never wanting to let go.

The past several hours had opened him up to emotions he didn't even know he had the possibility to feel, to experience. He felt his heart shatter and that scared him. Up until now, he thought he had done a good job at locking that part of him away. Of trying not to feel too deeply with it. But, here he was. And the girl who made him feel all these emotions, seemingly lifeless in a hospital bed because of him. If there was any chance he would let himself love her, it was gone now, seeing what he did to her. The tears returned to his eyes as he moved in closer to her. He kissed her forehead and whispered into her ear.

"You have no idea how much I wish I could let myself love you." His free hand caressed her soft face as he kissed her again.

Time passed and his tears dried. His hand still clutched hers as he felt his eyes getting heavy. He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until the nurse woke him up and he saw daylight. He knew he shouldn't be here anymore. It was possible he could be putting her in even more danger by staying at her side.