Battle of intentions

1. I hate pity

In the month that passed, I learnt grieve was never an excuse to avoid your son like a plague. I learnt it was a mere choice or rather excuse, Lord Hugh simply did not want to take up his fatherly duties. It upset me, I felt so strongly for the child that had been put in my care. He was so precious, it astounded me how no one cared for him. It was as if he ceased to exist. No one came to visit. No one came to question whether he was well. The Armstrong's had merely dumped him into my arms and forgotten about his existence. There was not much I could do. I couldn't force them to suddenly want to spend time with him. I had only assumed it would come natural but I was wrong.

We lived on different floors, as a result I never saw much of Lord Hugh. Only whispers that he was around as I took Lewis for a stroll. The first few days whenever I'd hear he was present. I made sure to get Lewis all dressed up and ready for... what never came. It only dawned onto me that he cared more for the women he brought into his quarters. My thoughts never dwelled on the deeds committed. Beatrice turned out to be a wonderful friend, with time. I much preferred this lonely estate than the Gallagher plots. The duchess was right that was a rural area, London was fast paced. More so the fashion was different. The women here were loose and more independent. They simply did as they pleased. Well at-least the one's I saw visiting Lord Hugh's sister, Lady Victoria.

"They're all here for Lord Hugh." Beatrice told me as we took Lewis for a stroll in the garden. It was beautiful with nicely trimmed hedges. There was a maze, where if not careful you'd get stuck in. Lewis was asleep by the time we reached the other side of the Armstrong house.

"They're Lady Victoria's friends, they've been visiting frequently in hopes to catch Lord Hugh's eye. By right he should re-marry before the next year or two." Beatrice added.

"That is sad, a year or two is never enough to heal over a loved one who has departed from the living..." I replied.

Beatrice only chuckled. "Oh trust me Nora, he has healed quickly if he doesn't mind bringing different skirts to devour in his quarters every single day."

"For company?" I smiled. "Perhaps he needs a friend."

"Oh Nora, you know very well they aren't doing anything friendly related there."

For a moment, I was shocked and decided against making a comment. I admired Beatrice, she might have been a slave but she was a beautiful, smart city girl used to the uptown life. Something that I had only started learning as of recent. Things differed, a lot on this side of the city. There were not so many plantations and most negroes worked as servants in the house or gardens. The manner of dressing was also much different on this side and less conservative. Religion was there but it wasn't actively practiced or forced down your throat it was as if they had a choice to be a closet Christian. With each passing day, I realised the duchess was right; I really was coming from the rural side. I still loved my long and loose dresses. I did not want anything that would shape me; Aunt Ruth had taught me that was a call for trouble. A calling for attention from the wrong people. I was far from ruthless supervisors but regardless I feared any white man or black man; all men. They were not to be trusted, Panashe had taught me so much.

Returning to Lewis room, I gently put him down in his cradle to sleep. Gently patting his back as to make sure he gets back to sleep. As I soon as I turned back, I was greeted by a man who stood over 6ft. Blonde hair and hazel brown-green eyes, I honestly could not tell the difference. They seemed to change shades as he stepped closer into the shade of the sun. Formally dressed, hair sleeked back. I could only whisper. "He is asleep."

"I'm aware..." He replied earnestly. "You must be Nora! Mother tells me you will be taking care of Lou—"

"Uh yes and you're?"

He seemed a tad bit offended by my response, it made him scoff in disbelief. "Please tell me you intend to be funny by asking me that?"

I only stared at him, befuddled.

"Pardon?"

"You're telling me you do not know who I am?" He questioned, offended by my previous words. It made me wonder if I had done something wrong?

"I have only resided in London for the past month. I'm not sure if I should know you sir."

"Which place under a rock did you reside then?" He asked amusingly taking steps closer. I felt intimidated but I wouldn't allow him to get under my skin. I did not wish to ruin this opportunity, in the Armstrong home; I had my very own room. My very own room with a private shower and so on. I never thought I'd live so lavish. Even Panashe had encouraged me to be grateful for whatever that I may be given upon arrival. The rest of the house keepers had their own house where they stayed, which wasn't so bad when I visited Beatrice. It had multiple bunks and seemingly seemed comfortable. I realised, I had this room only because Lewis needed me even in the evenings. I also came to realise plantations breed slaves and here in London, they simply bought slaves to reside with not to torture and do inhumane things to. Everything seemed so different here. There were instances of bad treatment but never as bad as a plantations. I'd rather remake a cup of tea ten times than be asked to dig a hole that would turn out to be my grave someday. Plantations were the root of all evil.

"Marlborough." I replied.

"And you're telling me they do not have papers in that your Marlborough?" He mocked.

I only stared at him dead in the eye and replied. "I can not read, we're not allowed to read but only the bible at church... not all of it. Only when reading the Ten Commandments."

He seemed taken aback by my words. "Oh, of course... you're a negro. It went over my head."

I gave him a curt nod as I continued to fold Lewis clothing. Tiding the room. It was suddenly awkward. How had my skin colour simply went over his head? When that was the first thing people saw whenever they met me.

"I'm Lord Hugh Armstrong, Lewis father."

"Nice to meet you." I muttered under my breath not wanting to look at him. I felt embarrassed, he had intentionally asked me questions that degraded me and reminded me of who I was, where I came from and the little value I had in society. I didn't like him when he did not visit his son, I did not like him now either.

"Likewise Nora!" He replied awkwardly leaving the room. Just as he was about to leave he turned back around giving me a warm smile. "Look, it's never too late to learn. Who knows maybe by the time Lou is old enough to walk you will be reading Shakespeare level poetry and not just commandments."

I laughed to myself.

"I understand you're trying to be kind but you can not—"

"My son needs someone to read him bedtime stories. Who will question me requesting a tutor for his nanny for that reason?"

"I hate pity." I replied calmly.

"Well I hate injustices."

"You don't have to."

"It's done, you will have someone come in to teach you every day at 9:30."

With that he was gone, I thought about this the whole evening. I was flabbergasted. Things really were different in London.

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