Battle of intentions

25. She saw us

Wickham showed great disapproval of what ever it may have been, that I shared with Lord Hugh. Nothing— I deemed it nothing. I would never allow myself to fall for a man... a white man of all. I would never forgive myself. I had already failed as I was expecting his child but nothing else below and above that. He was... my superior; my superior who had happened to make a mistake. We both made a mistake and this child was proof of it all. I was most afraid, I insisted on staying here. Hugh thought it would be best if I came along back to London. I was not ready for his mother to treat me inhumanly. I missed Lou but not to the extent of heading back to the devil's den. I was at comfort of knowing he was in the good hands of his grandparents. I owed them many thanks, if anything I would have loved to visit them. I found comfortable in their home and presence. I found comfort in their kindness and concern over my well-being as well as that of my child.

I expected nothing from Hugh, absolutely nothing and I sure as hell made it clear and known. Of course, I had moments of temptation but I'd never dwell on it. He was a good looking man, royalty— high up the food chain farther past anywhere I stood. I understood when he did not want to be seen with me. He was Queen Victoria's cousin, any commoner rejoiced being in his presence. Me of all people, why would I expect any better treatment. He had servants who woke him up, dressed him from head to toe and followed behind him in any direction he led. He was well respected, taking his late fathers position in most gatherings. Lord Hugh and I, was certainly a thought I'd never entertain. He claimed to love me which I honestly found absurd. He must have been so desperate for a heir, he misplaced that joy for somewhat feeling something for me. I thought myself to be decent looking but not for a duke to profess his love for me. It baffled me, he was sick and needed to heal. This wasn't William and Panashe's love story. I did not love him— atleast that's how I thought I felt. He had sweet moments that had my stomach churning and doing somersaults. I sorely blamed it on his child, in a clear state of mind. I would never find myself missing him, thinking about him not replaying our moments of intimacy over and over in my head.

This pregnancy was putting me off the edge as it is. The good thing was, my morning sickness had subsided and so had my odd food cravings.

"Duncan Arthur Armstrong... how do you like that love?"

I only stared at him, he seemed too gleeful. Too gleeful he forgot he was leaving tomorrow at dawn. How had Wickham even allowed him to stay the night? Hugh ran a hand through his blonde hair before giving me a smile that followed with a weary look.

"That is if it's a boy. I was thinking Alice May Armstrong if it is a girl. Of course you have the final say, it is after all your child as well."

I laughed. I couldn't help it.

"You really assume you will be here to name him/her..."

"Of course!" He insisted. "I'm only leaving for now but I will visit every chance I get. Thought we discussed this. I will have to speak to a royal advisor concerning our situation."

"Wickham said the royal advisor will not be in our favour if anything I'd prefer if less people knew." I huffed.

"The royal advisor is here to help us not forsake us. Besides Nora, you can not listen to anything Wickham says. I do not trust him."

I kept quiet.

I did not trust either of the white men.

"The royal advisor is meant to help you and your family. Your image in the public eye, not some commoner. They do not have my and my child's interests at heart."

Hugh stared at me pleasantly occupied. "Looks like you've been learning a lot about—"

I dismissed him.