Moonlight [H.S]

the fourtieth

June 10th

"Whatcha writin'?" I sit cross legged on the bed and look at Harry's back as he sits at the desk and writes something in a notebook.

The hotel we're in is huge. Fancy shit. I haven't stayed in a hotel in a while, so I feel like a kid in a candy shop at the moment. I wanna touch everything. We're in a suit so there's a lot to touch, as well. Everybody else is on the same floor as us and we all have keys to each other's room.

I don't know who's idea that was, but it's horrible.

The fact that anyone of them could walk in of me and Harry fucking is terrifying. I'm just getting used to Harry seeing me naked and I haven't even gotten used to seeing myself naked. But that's also because it's a trigger for me so I don't think that correlates to the situation.

Anyways, kid in a candy store.

Everything in here is so clean which is great for my anxiety because I've been sharing a house with 6 people for a while and that gets messy.

We barely have any clothes. But now I understand why Louis forced me to pack heels. I wore them tonight. Worth it.

Candy store.

I need to learn how to stay on topic.

The real golden ticket of this fucking candy story would have to be my shirtless lover sitting in a chair across the room from me. I want my hands all over that.

But he's wrapped up in writing something.

I can't seem to snap him out of it. He's very focused.

"Just some random thoughts." Harry mumbles in vague response. I sigh and throw myself back on the bed.

I wish I could be as focused as he is on writing whatever it is he's writing.

Maybe I should write something too, so I don't feel left out.

Harry,
You look really good right now. But you look really good all the time. Tonight, your outfit was really cute. Really sexy would be a more accurate word. Walking back to the hotel and having you hold me in your arms was amazing. I've never felt like this for someone before.

I've never felt so safe around someone. I feel so protected when I'm with you. Even though I'm probably at my most vulnerable at the moment.

I've never felt so scared and safe at the same time.

I should be scared about the people hunting me, but I'm not as concerned about that as I am for what I feel for you.

The feelings I have for you scare the crap out of me. Mostly because everyone I've ever cared about has left my life one way or another. But I push those thoughts to the back of my head because I know you would rather set yourself on fire then let me come into harm. And I know that because I would do the same.

I would do anything in the world for you to be safe and happy.

You know, when this whole thing started, I thought we would be together for a week and then go back to being what we were before.

I would go back to being your annoying neighbor Todd and you would go back to being my shithead neighbor Harry. I never could come up with a nickname for you. It could be because of my unoriginality in that area or because I simply couldn't insult you.

I think subconsciously I always felt this way but didn't realize it until we had to be affectionate with each other. I think as soon as I got my hands on you, I couldn't let go.